Are You an Ally or an Adversary?

March 2012

Unique Parenting Solutions that Create Happy Families

March 21st free talk for parents of
6th - 12th graders on problem solving.

Greetings!

So often, parents feel at odds with their children. They love them yet aren't getting along with them as often as they would like. Their children sometimes even verbally attack them as if they were the enemy. Why do kids yell, "You don't care" when all you do is care for them?

This is a deep issue that can be explored from several paths. I start the conversation with my article Are You an Ally or an Adversary? I believe it is very challenging to learn how to be an ally in your kids eyes and also be the parent. We don't want to fall into the trap of becoming a friend to our children. In the moment, your children may be angry with an ally parent yet after the embers die, your children will view you as a parent who is trying to find win/win solutions to family conflict. The goal of finding win/win solutions, when not setting rules, is the foundation of an ally parent. The article below will be published in the April Parenting on the Peninsula Magazine. Enjoy the preview. The information is relevant for parents of all aged children.

Article:

Interacting with your middler can be like walking on egg shells. Any comment or action could crush the "egg" leaving a gooey mess. Cleaning up after conflicts is challenging and time consuming. Instead, I recommend learning how to interact as an ally rather than an adversary. An ally has greater influence than an adversary.

I'd like to read the entire article.

Below is a mom's story of being an ally to her daughter.

Happy Parenting,

Cynthia

Please share this newsletter with other parents, schools or businesses so I can help other families build bridges of understanding.

Parents' Success Stories

Helping My Daughter Succeed

I have a tendency to get upset and angry when my 5 ½ year old and 9 ½ year old children don't behave well in public. Cynthia is helping me understand the beliefs behind my anger so I can change them and learn how to effectively teach my children better manners. I'm learning that my daughter needs help controlling herself and that my anger doesn't help her behavior change. It just stresses her out more. Then, I can't help her release her own frustration so she can pull out her good thinking.

Here is what I did before and how I changed. Before instruction from Cynthia, I would keep telling my daughter to "Stop it" when misbehaving at a youth basketball game. She wouldn't stop. Then I would feel like a bad parent so my anger flares even more. So, instead of trying to control her I tried this instead.

Before the game I told her, "You have to be respectful to others in order to sit with your friends. If you don't, you'll need to sit with me." She sat with friends and eventually the negative behavior started. Instead of saying, "Stop that", I went to her and calmly said, "You need to sit with me now." She came along even though she didn't want to.

During my private coaching after this event , Cynthia and I were discussing how my daughter struggles with keeping her hands to herself. She needs me as an ally rather than an adversary. At the next game, I'll let my daughter sit with friends for a short time then sit with me so she has a better chance of being successful. I'll explain to her that I'm helping her learn how to sit with others and keep her hands to herself. I'm also looking into outside help from experts in Occupational Therapy. Cynthia is amazing at understanding the root of my struggles and guiding me towards more effective parenting strategies.

El Granada Mom of a 5 and 9 year old

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Sincerely,
Cynthia

In This Issue

Parent's Story

Express Yourself!

Video Viewing

Inspirational Words

Parenting Classes

Visit My Newletter Archive

Cynthia is
Building World Peace in the Home through:

Private Coaching Sessions in person, by phone, in the home or Skype to answer your specific questions.

Parenting Classes to learn skills and gain support from parents.

Speaking

at your school or organization on a variety of topics.

Fantastic New Talks

One for parents of 6th - 12th graders and

one about Emotional Intelligence

See Classes Section

You can turn conflict into cooperation

You can change parenting habits that aren't working for you. Parenting as you were parented doesn't work in our current time. I can teach you the skills that will make you feel good about yourself and your family happy.

Inspirational Words

Raising Children

Part 1

"In order for a child to develop an independent self, it may be necessary at times to discipline him, while at other times the child needs to follow his own way."

I love to see the growth of young people, as they are straight and true and full of promise. Their whole lives are ahead of them. And it is they who are entrusted with the future. That's why I take them very seriously. For the sake of humanity in the twenty-first century, I want to help today's children expand the inner kingdoms of their hearts as much as possible.

I feel that "treasures of the heart" is the greatest possible gift from parents to their children. Some parents may wish to guarantee their children's happiness by giving them material wealth. Yet, no matter how wealthy they are, without good health and physical strength, children will not be able to lead truly happy lives. And. above all, I believe it is the treasures of the heart -- inner qualities, such as spiritual strength, character and humanity -- that will ensure the true happiness of a child.

From: A Piece of Mirror and Other Essays. pg. 29.

Daisaku Ikeda President of the SGI World Wide Organization

World Renowned Author and Poet

Spring 2012

Problem Solving Effectively With Your 6th - 12th Grader, So They Listen to You! (For parents of 6 - 12th grade)

Come to this talk to learn how to teach your teen to make sound judgments. Discover how to speak and be heard while discussing homework issues. Build bridges rather than walls between you and your teen. Learn how to put it all together with the 3 Step Quick Coaching Method.

Date:          Wednesday, March 21

Time:          7 - 8:30 pm

Location:    Fusion Academy San Mateo Campus

                   2000 Alameda de las Pulgas, Suite 128, San Mateo, 94403

Cos             Free

Registration:      Click here to register.

Increasing Emotional Intelligence in Your Home

Understanding your own emotions is the first step to enhancing your children's emotional intelligence. Discover how your thoughts trigger your feelings. Learn how to change negative triggers and build an empathetic home that strengthens Emotional Intelligence and cooperation.

Date:            Tuesday, April 17

Time:            6:00 - 7:30 pm

Location:      Morrissey-Compton Educational Center, Inc.

                      2555 Park Blvd, Suite 1, Palo Alto, CA 94306

Cost:             Free

Registration: pace is limited so registration is required. Register here at Morrissey-Compton's Website



I am planning on future webinars and parent education self-study courses on line!