7 Steps to Setting Effective Time Limits

July 2011 bridges 2 understanding

Greetings!

Too often parents are trying to fix "disciplining mishaps" after the fact. Rather than focusing on "How do I get my child to turn off the TV when it's time," ask yourself, "How do I set up the environment where my child will be willing to cooperate." Having a timer with 2 or three timers on it is helpful. Also, find one that you can clip on.

i can hear the resistance, why do i have to remind them, they "should" just do it!! This is old thinking that doesn't fit children of our day. Children do want to get along, we just need to create the environment where it makes it easy for them to feel good about themselves as they cooperate.

Here are the 7 Steps for Setting Time Limits with respect and authority.

Step 1: Get eye contact - Crucial - Don't be ignored. (Don't force with teens, but don't miss the other 6 steps.)

Step 2: State the limit clearly

Step 3: Get acknowledgement from the child that you were heard.

Step 4: Get agreement from the child.(Set the timer for the stated time limit. Also, set a 10 minute warning time for your information.)

Step 5: Give a 10 minute warning to help your child prepare for stopping the activity.

Step 6: Enforce the limit.

Step 7: Thank your child for cooperating.

If resistance, you may give an option, "Either I'll turn it off or you can. Your choice." Don't give in to demands for more time. Stay firm! This is crucial. Making them turn off the TV is not creating emotional distress that will linger long. It's worse to give in, then you loose authority. They can't limit themselves so that is your job.

Key Take Away: Take the time to be proactive rather than waste time by being reactive.

Happy Parenting

Cynthia

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School Testimonial

Dear Cynthia,

I would like to thank you for the excellent presentation you provided Terman Middle School at our Parent Education event. Your topic on communication was very well received. Many parents told me afterwards how much they appreciated the handouts and tools you offered to teach them more about listening openly to their children. They went home with a new understanding of communication skills with this age group. Thank you again for sharing your knowledge.

Best Wishes,

Vicki Dempsey

Terman Middle School Parent Education Chairperson 2011

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In This Issue

Class Schedule

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Inspiration

Kid's View

Wisdom

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Building World Peace in the Home through:

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Inspirational Words

" But I want to reemphasize that unless the acquisition

of knowledge is accompanied by an education of the spirit which seeks growth in the innate qualities of each child, such knowledge cannot be expected to provide strength for living. Without the education of the spirit, the distorted seeds of superiority and selfishness will be implanted in the minds of the young.

If a parent wants to light within the child the star of hope which brings courage and wisdom in all darkness, then he must direct attention to the total development of the child, not just intellectual but emotional and volitional. The parents eyes should always be focused on the future, not swayed by temporary trends of the times. "

Daisaku Ikeda
President of the SGI World Wide Organization
World Renowned Author and Poet

Kid's View

Please show empathy

Many times my parents talk only about what they want. They have a goal in mind for me and if i don't meet their expectations, they get mad. When this happens, I feel alone and unloved. When you listen to me and accept me without judgment, I know I can share any doubts or fears that I am feeling inside. I may not always share, but knowing i can, gives me a sense of security and happiness. Have confidence that I will turn out OK. Your belief in me helps me believe in myself. Help me also see my struggles as well with loving kindness not criticism.

Love,
Your daughter

Words of Wisdom

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Often parents are just trying to get through the day without a parenting plan. It's helpful to have a bigger picture of the purpose of your discipline. What skills and abilities are you wanting your children to learn?

Elizabeth Crary, in her book Kids Can Cooperate, created an Independent Living Skills checklist. It may help clarify your parenting purpose. Her book is currently being revised.

Click here to view her check list.

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