Greetings!  

While teaching my Kaiser Permanente class on Discipline and the Strong-Willed Child, I was searching for words to describe my philosophy. The word "humanistic" lit up inside and emerged as the descriptor for my parenting approach which is based on respecting the dignity and individuality of each child and adult. Thus, "Humanistic Parenting" was born.   

This approach focuses on the inner goodness of children which responds well to working with children through emotional connection, open communication and problem solving together. Alfie Kohn describes and scientifically supports the working with approach in his widely acclaimed book, Unconditional Parenting, 2005.

In contrast, the behaviorist approach to parenting is based on the premise that children are difficult and manipulative and therefore their "behaviors need to be shaped through modifying the consequences in their environment. Common terms in the behaviorist's vocabulary are reinforcement, reward, punishment, tokens, shaping and time out. Behavior management programs seem to work best when the parent holds a position of power over, and maintains a reasonably high degree of control over the child." (Rafael Richman, Ph.D, 2008) I have worked with many parents who have said that the behaviorist model works only for a short time, then loses its power without creating any long -term and unsupervised behavior improvement.

If you are using a parenting strategy that puts a knot in your stomach or that you later regret, it is time to stop and ask yourself, "would I have wanted to be treated this way when I was a child?" and "how would I feel if I was in their shoes?" If the answers are "no" and "I would feel disrespected", then your parental actions probably are not following the humanistic parenting philosophy.  If it doesn't feel good to treat your children a certain way, don't do it no matter who gives you the advice!! Children do not learn well through imposed suffering and humiliation.

I am committed to teaching parents a humanistic approach to rearing children because I believe strongly that this is how our world will become peaceful. I am experiencing an amazing relationship with my 22 year-old daughter because of my choice to shift from the behaviorist model to the humanist model. Making the paradigm shift is challenging, yet many parents who are embracing humanistic parenting, have reported dynamic and joyful improvements in their family relationships. Anyone can learn how.  

Happy Parenting

Cynthia  

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