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Greetings!
Dads can learn how to "mother", too.
I am coaching several men who are in a position of living separately form their children's mothers. This means that every little daily detail needs to be thought of and planned by the dad.
Dads love their children as much as moms do. Most dads haven't had the training to think of the day-to-day details.
Men can learn how to plan ahead, meet children's emotional needs, set reasonable limits, etc. I know because I have seen amazing growth in the men I am coaching.
In June, I will start a 4 week class for dads who are parenting separately from the mother. Besides learning "mothering" skills, this will be an opportunity for "single" dads to support each other.
If you know of a dad who could benefit from this class, please send him this information. I plan on writing a book to help dad's do "solo" parenting.
Happy Parenting
Cynthia
Please share this newsletter with other parents, schools or businesses so I can help other families build bridges of understanding.
Go to my website to learn about my parenting philosophy. |
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Handling an Emotional 4 Year-Old
I am a grandmother of a four year-old who became a challenge for me when she turned three. She started throwing fits and I didn't know how to handle them well. Even though we have a wonderfully close relationship, I felt that we would get into a power struggle cycle where I was trying to get her to behave. My solutions weren't working. I asked Cynthia to help me find the best solutions for me and my granddaughter.
Cynthia taught me how to listen to her emotional outbursts without trying to change how she is feeling. By listening for a while and then verbalizing why she might be upset, she felt heard. She was able to get through her upset much quicker than when I would try to change her feelings. After listening, she would emerge in a more reasonable place.
I used this listening technique one day when she was really acting up and crying. With this new perspective of looking at upsets as a signal of hurt feelings, I thought she might be having a difficult time adjusting to her mom now working full time. Instead of telling her to "Stop it", as I had in the past, I said, "I think you are sad because your mommy is gone so much." It was as if the air went out of a balloon. She calmed down because she felt heard. I was no longer trying to control her emotions.
I now come at these issues from a different perspective. I have two more young grandchildren and I'll continue to listen to them as well through their upsets.
Grandmother of 3 grandchildren
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Upcoming Classes for
Spring Summer 2011
Visit my website for details
Free introductory classes
What is "Relationship Parenting" and How Can My Family Benefit?
3 free introductory dates to choose from:
Dates: Thursday, April 14, 11 - 1 Tuesday, June 28, 6:30 - 8:30
Monday, August 8, 7:00 - 9:00
Location: San Mateo
Discipline and the Strong-Willed Child
Dates:4 Tuesdays, May 3, 10, 17, 24
Time: 6:30 - 8:30 pm
Location:Kaiser Permanente in Redwood City , Open to the public
Building Emotional Understanding: A Class for Parents and Caregivers
This class will give you a new perspective on your child's emotional moments and how to set limits in a way that builds strong relationships. You'll take home six new tools for resolving children's off-track behavior, and for getting the support you need. Reflect on current parenting styles, learn parent-to-parent listening skills and develop a Family Connection Plan.
Dates:6 Thursdays, April 28 - June 2
Time:7:00 - 9:00 pm
Location: Hand in Hand, 555 Waverly Street, room 26, Palo Alto,
I've Got the Kids Alone!! - A Support Group for Fathers
This is a class for fathers who co-parent their children with the parents not living together or as a solo parent. Our focus will be learning parenting skills that were primarily the mothers before. Now you have to plan everything before an excursion, getting the kids ready for school, social activities, getting them to bed, listening to their problems, etc. Your ideas and experiences will be contributing to a book for dads just like you. What a great opportunity to support and learn from each other. Call me with any questions.
Dates: 4 Thursdays, June 16, 23, 30, (skip July 7), July 14
Time: 7:00 - 9:00
Location: Cynthia's office in San Mateo
Go to my website for details |
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Cynthia is
Building World Peace in the Home through:
Private Coaching Sessions in person, by phone or Skype to answer your specific questions.
Parenting Classes to learn skills and gain support from parents.
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Speaking
at your organization on a variety of topics.
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Inspirational Words
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"Children who may be suffering a disadvantage compared to their peers need our encouragement all the more. Watch over these children with affection and encourage them. Discover their strengths and praise them for those, building their confidence. Become their unfailing ally, support them, shower them In love and believe utterly in their potential.:
Daisaku Ikeda
President of the SGI World Wide Organization
World Renowned Author and Poet | |
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Words
of
Wisdom
Listening to our upset kids can be very difficult. Each person is a jumble of unmet needs that can easily be turned into anger. Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, encourages us to discern what the unfulfilled need is behind our anger.
If your child is having a difficult time controlling herself in public and you get angry, self-reflect on why you are angry. Is your need to be perceived by others as a good parent, and your child's misbehavior screams of you being a "bad" parent, bringing out a feeling of embarrassment? If this is true, can you be self-disciplined enough to recognize this and change your inner dialogue at that moment?
Can you think instead, "My child is struggling with unmet needs. What would be the best way for her to feel heard and understood taking into consideration everyone around us?"
It takes insight and courage to put your child's needs first. Perhaps you need to leave the store to find a safer, unobserved place to be with the upset child.
Listening to upset doesn't mean you are "giving in". You remain firm in setting the limit such as, "We are not going to buy that toy today. I know you want it." Don't try to placate by saying you will buy it another day or something better will happen later. Let your child experience the hurt so it can be released from the limbic system, the emotional center.
I believe that staying with upset children, as long as we are safe physically and emotionally, gives them security. It also models the ability to control emotions when the situation calls for control.
I don't believe children will "think about what they have done" when put in "time out" for "bad" behavior. Did you? After staying with the upset child, if appropriate, you could say, "I'd like to talk about what happened later." This way, your child still feels connected to you and will have a greater chance of learning with your guidance.
When my teenage daughter broke a rule and I showed her unconditional love after expressing my disapproval, she said to me,"Why aren't you mean like other parents? Why are you nice when I was bad?" Because I didn't take her rule breaking as an attack against me, I didn't get triggered into anger. Therefore, she was able to feel how her actions had broken our trust rather than focus on being angry with me. If anger isn't get the results you want, then change it.
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