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Navigating the Territory: Good Ideas for Leading in Complex Environments
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Volume 2, Number 7
September, 2010
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 Greetings!
There's so much material to cover on the topic of leadership and conflict. As a leader, addressing conflict is a big part of your job description yet most of us don't relish the challenge. In this issue I've shared just a few thoughts. I'd be interested in your questions and ideas on the topic: What's worked for you? Where do you find yourself stuck time and time again? What's your most vexing challenge in this area?
For back issues of this newsletter, you can find them in the archives:
http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs076/1102561682356/archive/1102700377250.html
Thanks for your interest and support.
Deborah
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Conflict: The Boulder in Your Path
| by Deborah Reidy
Webster's
Dictionary defines conflict as "a clash, competition, or mutual interference of
opposing or incompatible forces or qualities (as ideas, interests, wills):
ANTAGONISM." Where, in the course
of leading, are you likely to run into these situations? In their book, Leadership on the Line, Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky write, "When you
tackle a tough issue in any group, rest assured there will be conflict, either
palpable or latent. That's what makes a tough issue tough." Whenever you take on a leadership role, you must be prepared to encounter conflict as an inherent part of the work.
Conflict
avoidance is something most of us are familiar with. It's natural, it's part of
our make-up as social animals to want to get along and cooperate. We see
conflict as something scary and dangerous, where there will be winners and
losers and nobody goes away as friends. But is that the mindset that's most
helpful? What if we took the stance that conflict can be a constructive force rather than as a scary, dangerous thing. Something that, if addressed skillfully, can provide energy to propel you toward your goals.
You
might be asking yourself if all
conflict needs to be addressed. Isn't it sometimes best to "agree to disagree"? Sure! Otherwise, we'd be spending our lives locked in
disagreements with others and focusing all our energy on addressing the
disagreement. Some conflicts are just too insignificant to make a priority of
addressing. Here's my litmus test for when it makes sense to put energy into addressing a conflict: When the parties are blocked in their ability to make progress toward their goals by the presence of
a potential conflict. In those circumstances, it is critical to identify
and then address the conflict in order to proceed with your work. If you
envision leadership as a journey toward a desired future, conflicts are like boulders
sitting right in the middle of your path. Until you discover the nature of the conflict,
you will continue to bump into that boulder over and over again until you collapse
in exhaustion. You certainly will not be able to devise a set of strategies for
addressing it.
It
may seem odd, but it's not always easy to identify the presence of a conflict,
especially if it's latent. Of course, we all can tell there's a conflict when
people have raised their voices and are arguing. But what about situations
where, no matter how hard a group tries, they can't make progress on their
goals? How is that a
conflict? These latent conflicts
are often harder to pinpoint and address than full-out arguments. They manifest
in an unaccountable drain of energy and momentum, a lack of commitment and
follow-through, in gossiping and factionalism. Latent conflicts are sometimes
referred to as "undiscussables," or as "elephants in the middle of the room":
those topics perceived as so central and yet so sensitive that even to name
them is to risk some horrible fate. Or so group members fear. And yet not
naming them often leaves the group stuck and unable to make lasting progress
toward their goals.
Overt
conflicts present their own challenges in identifying the topic. Often what
people are arguing about is not at all what the conflict is really about. People can be arguing about some event that happened such as "You haven't yet repaid that loan I made a week ago" when
there's something else going below the surface ("I'm always the giver in this
relationship.") Trying to see what's
going on below the surface when emotions are strong and people are polarized
can be very challenging. As a leader, here's where it's important to listen closely and dispassionately and try to really understand what the conflict is really about. The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook suggests that, "Simply agreeing on the source of disagreement often
allows people to learn more about the situation, clarify assumptions that
previously were below awareness, and move forward."
As leaders, maybe we'll never relish the opportunity to surface and address conflict but we can see it as an essential part of our role.
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When Things Fall Apart
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by Deborah Reidy
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In spite of your best efforts to exercise skillful
leadership in conflict situations, things sometimes do not work out smoothly.
What do you do when things fall apart?
First, evaluate whether the parties absolutely must
interact with one another in order to reach the goals that have been set.
Sometimes, it makes most sense for people to go their separate ways. I once
worked to organize a conference that brought constituents together who had deep
and longstanding differences in perspective on the causes of mental illness and
what forms of treatment would be most helpful. The idea was to reach common
ground on an agenda and topics to be addressed during the conference.
Throughout the planning, there were heated arguments among members of the
planning committee, which I attempted to mediate. Although we were able to
piece together an agenda, there was never agreement among the parties. This
resulted in a conference that was tense, with open conflict among members of
the audience. If I had been more experienced and less naïve at the time, I
probably would have seen that these parties had irreconcilable differences and
would not have been able to plan and participate in a joint event. We could have hosted two such meetings or even held simultaneous meetings of the parties in separate spaces.
Another approach worth trying, if people have some
common ground or need each other to accomplish a common goal, is to create a
way for people to interact at a distance. For example if two members of a group
can never see eye to eye but they each make valuable contributions, designate
someone else as a go-between. Or have each person work on a different sub-group
or committee. This is not ideal but can work, especially if the parties with
the conflict agree on goals.
Sometimes it helps to take a break from the effort
to resolve the conflict, to get some breathing room in order for members to
reflect on what's really important. You can even help shape how people think
about this by inviting people to think of the shared purpose or history of the
group, examples of successes working together and so on. You might ask people
to reflect on this question: "How can we turn this into a situation where
everybody wins?"
Another thing I've learned the hard way is that even when I'm the leader of a group, I don't need to be single-handedly responsible for steering people through a conflict situation. Sometimes stepping back and seeing what and who emerges into the space is the most appropriate role for a group leader.
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Here's a Great Resource
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Like most people, I get way too many emails, including e-newsletters that I often review quickly for relevant content. Here's one, put out by the people who wrote "Crucial Conversations," "Crucial Confrontations," and "Influencer," that I find really worthwhile. Each issue is on a different challenging topic, and written in a readable question and answer format.
Here's a sample of a few of the recent topics:
- Improving Morale and Trust in a Recession
- Confronting Bad Table Manners
- Working With a Negative Boss
- Escaping the E-Communication Trap
- Working with an Unemployed Spouse
You can subscribe by going to their website, Vital Smarts, click on "My Resources" and then "Get Newsletter." It's a weekly newsletter with lots of valuable information. |
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| What We're Up To
| I've recently returned home after a vacation on Martha's Vineyard. Great beach days, visits with friends and families, passing the presidential motorcade and non-hurricane Earl. We did Category-4 type hurricane preparations at our house and helped my father and a neighbor batten down their hatches as well. The island was well-prepared for disaster. A curfew was set for 2 pm on the day the hurricane was to arrive (later extended by a couple of hours). We even bought extra food and water and filled our refrigerator (an event worthy of a photograph). Power line and tree guys were brought in from all over the Northeast. While we weren't exactly disappointed that the storm did not materialize as predicted, it was a bit of an anticlimax to wake up to a peaceful sunny day the next morning. Even the dead, hanging limb in the backyard had withstood the powerful storm!
I want to highlight my colleague Cynthia's ongoing work with the orphanage in Vietnam. She's about to take another trip there and is looking for donations of ipods or mp3 players and "cool" clothing for young people. For more information, please contact me and I can share specifically what she is looking for. Also, check out the video made by her friend Bonnie during their trip last year (You'll need a Facebook account to log in): Big Big World.
Some of you may know that I've been a volunteer coach through an organization called One to One: Women Helping Women. I've found it to be a richly satisfying experience. I had the pleasure of coaching a remarkable woman through one of the most challenging periods in both of our lives and knowing that our work together really made a difference. The organization is conducting its annual fund-raising campaign which helps to support a small paid staff that markets the program, recruits coaches and clients, matches clients, maintains records, and assures quality. They also provide lots of continuing education for the coaches, which is freely offered and doesn't cost us anything but which takes some staff time to coordinate and manage. I want to be able to continue coaching eligible and deserving women for One to One. In order to do this, I am asking that you to consider making a donation to One to One so that this valuable service can continue. Please let me know if you are interested and I can give you information on how to do so.
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Reidy Associates offers customized solutions that enable leaders and their organizations to succeed in complex and uncertain environments.
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