GETTING LAUNCHED INTO A NEW CLASS
By Mary Ann Abbott, Parent Consultant
North Seattle Community College
Many children at the Center are starting in a new class this fall. A new beginning can
pulsate with excitement! But, also lurking around, beneath the confident exterior, can be
fear and anxiety about the unknown. Children wonder what the future will be like in this
place with new teachers, perhaps new playmates. The new schedule, including new class
routines and guidelines, along with advanced learning opportunities/expectations can feel
very unfamiliar.
Hear the Feelings
A little "mind-reading" can help here-here are a few questions floating in the minds
of young children: "Who's going to be there when I walk in? Where's the bathroom in
the new class? Will we still get to go to the gym? I want to play with my favorite ball.
Will I like my sleeping place? What if I have an "accident?" Will any of my friends
be in the class? What's my teacher's name? Will the teacher like me? Will I get into
trouble? Will the teacher ask me a hard question? Can I bring my favorite toys from
home? Will my parents be able to find me in my new class? Are there any good toys in
the new class? How will I know where the toys are? Where will I eat in my new class -
- will there still be macaroni and cheese that Somaly makes? Will kids make fun of me?
Will I be okay? What if I get lost? I still can't zip up my jacket."
Children may not verbalize these thoughts when parents are ready for them. In fact,
most frequently, children blurt them out and catch parents off guard when they are least
ready to respond. In fact, an emotional outburst might come later -- in a few weeks, after
parents feel the adjustment has been made. It's important for parents to be alert, expect
that unease may come, listen, watch again, and then tune into the child's words and
feelings.
Accept the Feelings
The task of the parents is to accept the negative feelings a child might have regarding
change. "Accepting" is different from "liking." This takes patience and is probably
one of the most difficult behaviors for parents. Adults like to emphasize the positive, and
stamp out the negative feelings. Here's a sample of what not to say -- Parents like to say
positive, encouraging words such as: "You'll like you new class and your new teacher.
You'll see. And, you'll make new friends. Your new class will be fun, too."
It's too early for the child to hear these factual statements because these words do not
address the feeling side of going to a new class! The child needs to make peace with
the sad/conflicting feelings in order to fully embrace the positive aspects of the change.
Feeling understood by adults helps a child gain coping skills from within. Short circuiting
the feelings or rushing in with solution-oriented words can complicate the child's
adjustment to the new situation.
In her booklet, Parenting Tips and Tools, parenting expert Elizabeth Crary
says, "When you accept children's feelings, they can begin to deal with the problem.
Often simply acknowledging their feelings reduces objectionable behavior."
Verbal Responses to Negative Feelings
So, how do parents show acceptance of a child's feelings and guide the child toward
coping with the fear and unknown of a new situation? These sample phrases help the
child to feel heard and understood: "I know you'll miss your old class. You really liked
your teacher. You had lots of fun there. What were some things you liked doing in that
class?" (Listen...) "Wow, that sounds like you had fun. Sometimes it's hard to say
good-bye, isn't it? You'd really like to stay there, right?" (Feel the sad, then...) "What
do you think you might be able to play in the new class? What would be fun for you?
(Sensitively, proceed!) "Let's look closely at the toys today, so you can pick something
you really like."
Making peace with the past. That's a good formula for any new beginning. Feeling as
if someone understands your sadness, your pain, your nervousness, your fear. . . Feeling
understood and accepted, even if the feelings are negative and a little raw. Learning to
cope begins here. That's a good formula for moving ahead, for kids and adults!
