One of my favorite stories about the early days with my boys happened when we had just moved to Seattle after 15 months in Bellingham (and before that, 7.5 years in Port Orchard). Luke was in 5th grade and Logan was in 2nd. Logan was having trouble meeting new friends, missing old ones and settling into a new school. In his classroom journaling he would write about his "old friends" and about his loneliness at recess. It was heartbreaking! I kissed him goodnight with tears in my eyes after many heart-wrenching bedtime prayers.
Of course we encouraged him to do his best to make new friends, reminded him it would take time and I made an appointment with his teacher to strategize. She told me she had talked with him about joining other boys in the playground kickball game. Logan had a classic response that has become a repeated family phrase for when things just aren't going well-he said, "You can't build relationships playing kickball!" What a tender 2nd grader! (I'm happy to report now at age 16, he has a great group of buddies!)
Very few parents haven't ached for their kids as they learn difficult lessons about life and relationships. We hope to raise our kids to be kind to others and to learn how to express their feelings in appropriate and healthy ways. But that is not always easy, and others don't always cooperate or share our values.
It was my pleasure to fill in for "Chapel Mary Ann" in January and it was so much fun to spend those moments with your kids! We talked the first week about how Jesus is our friend with puppet Queen Anne (and Jesus' story of the Lost Sheep) and then about how Jesus wants us to be a kind friend to others (with story The Good Samaritan). Puppet friends Neon Leon from the Space Needle and good-natured valley-girl puppet Hilary talked about how sad it is when people aren't kind. Hilary gave Leon some bad advice and your kids were so sharp and so cute with their reactions to her very bad idea to slow a friend down by breaking their Lego project! They were truly horrified at the thought!
This month's "Fruit of the Month Club" focus is KINDNESS. It is certainly a basic when it comes to human interaction but it doesn't always come easily-especially when we are treated unkindly! I often hear from parents who are hurting for their child because another child is unkind. We all are tempted to "go all momma or poppa bear" for our kids to spare them the pain they are experiencing. But the truth is, they learn from these experiences and we all know we can't protect them forever and from everything.
When our kids are dealing with problems with friends, we can listen with empathy and we can offer words and tools (please stop, walk away, get help). We can also teach them to pray for the unkind person and to ask God to help us to be kind, even when it's hard. We ended our chapel time together singing a song, "When it is morning/night time help me be kind, just like Jesus was." Sometimes praying together and giving the child time to figure out their own solution to challenging situations are all we can do, and are the best things we can do.
And now, one of the most challenging passages from the Bible (as translated in The Message):
To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.
Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.
I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never-I promise-regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.Luke 6:27-36
(If you are looking for some practical tips to help kids solve their own problems, check out this blog by an Australian mother of many kids:
http://planningwihtkids.com/2008/07/08/10-ways-tips-for-getting-children-to-solve-their-own-problems/
