So, exactly what is a family meeting? It may sound like more trouble than it's worth.
* Does it sound like an inquisition when each family member gets a turn in the hot seat?
* Maybe it's a lecture waxed eloquently by the parents about "what this family needs!"
* Could it be a run-down of all uncompleted household tasks?
* Perhaps it's a checklist of how each family member must improve?
THE TRUTH? NONE OF THE ABOVE! IT HAS A SPECIAL PURPOSE!
Parenting expert Jan Faull explains a simple purpose for family meetings: "Family meetings provide a structured venue in which children's ideas are heard, considered, and validated."
IT IS A BEHAVIOR PREVENTION TOOL!
Parenting expert Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline books, lists family meetings as an effective prevention tool for children who seek attention, for children who push for control, for children who are hurt or revengeful, and for children who feel inferior or withdraw.
In each of these circumstances, the child's needs can be helped by the family meeting which builds belonging and significance. It is Nelsen's contention that when children are encouraged in this way, the negative behaviors are diminished.
IT HAS A SIMPLE STRUCTURE-EASY WAYS TO STAY CONNECTED.
Meet once a week at the same time, making it a tradition. Some families select Saturday or Sunday afternoon/early evening when all family members are at their best. Plan ½ hour for meeting time, with a fun activity such as a game or a special treat afterward. Children as young as 2 ½ can participate. Parents can set the agenda for the first time. However, the next week an agenda can be created on the refrigerator, as the week progresses.
WHAT HAPPENS AT THE MEETING
A parent begins the meeting. Simple ground rules (such as listening to each other, everyone takes a turn, being supportive instead of critical, and everyone has the right to speak) are good to establish. Using the "go around method," each family member takes a turn to share something around a topic. Usually the sharing has something to do with what's happened in the previous week. Possible topics are:
Topics 1-2: Something that made you feel good this week, something that bothered you?
Topic 3: Something you want to work on or accomplish next week.
Topic 4: Your schedule for the coming week? (From Your Parenting of K-6 Children Guide)
IMPORTANT COMMUNICATION OCCURS
The structure helps with family bonding and cultivates interest in each other. It gives young children a chance to be heard and contribute to the family. It's also an opportunity to learn about coming family events and celebrations. Additional issues which might be discussed in a meeting: Chores, vacation choosing, fun outings, yard work, bedtimes, allowances, birthday gifts, shopping, play dates, special privileges, babysitters, muddy boots, etc.
Problem-solving opportunities might include such topics as:
*Big sister is having a sleep-over. What will little sister do?
*Little brother wants to stay up as late as big brother. What should we do?
*Mother doing all of the after-dinner clean up.
*Family members have been complaining about the food served for dinner.
*The neighbor boy has been throwing wrappers in our yard.
*Our trees dumped all of their leaves this week.
*The riding toys have been left out on the sidewalk after dark.
Faull says, "When an issue is brought forth, everyone brainstorms ideas; a note taker writes down the ideas. Even the most outrageous and creative solutions are respected and considered! Once a list of solutions is developed, each one is discussed. Some are crossed off the list, the one agreed on becomes the solution."
IT TEACHES LIFE SKILLS
Family meetings teach important social and life skills. Children have an opportunity to learn about respect, concern for others, participate in problem solving, and work at cooperation. They also learn how to constructively use personal power and become more confident individuals.
Access the Internet for additional family meeting tips.
Reading Recommendations:
Behavior Modification has been used by parents for decades, but its long-term effects are often damaging. That's the conclusion of Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, authors of the book, Parenting is Heart Work.