I'm always impressed by people who know how to keep things simple. This year, that's a goal of mine-a New Year's Resolution, if you will. I know-it's a lofty goal!

A college friend of mine recently posted his thoughts on a conversation he had with his young son. I was impressed by how he helped his son deal with stress and how life can be so complicated, even though we have so much. I hope it will inspire you to think about things from a child's perspective and impress upon you how important it is that we stay in touch with our kids and take time to listen to their little hearts.

Happy New Year!
~Pastor Jan

A Parenting Reflection on "Easy vs. Good," by my friend, Matt Rose

Last night my nine year old boy was a little blue at the dinner table and I asked him if he wanted to talk about something. He was quiet for awhile longer and then said, "I feel bad even mentioning it, but I'm stressed. I have school five days a week, come home, homework, chores, then it is time for dinner, books, and bed. On the weekend it is only two days and I don't always get to do what I want. We have grocery shopping or church and it goes by too fast. I don't like talking about it because I know I have it easy. The rest of the world doesn't have it so easy, but I do. So I feel bad about feeling stressed."

Hmm. Maybe I'd given too many lectures about how great we have it- how blessed we are to have a little family who loves each other. A little simple cabin. Food. Health. Toys. etc. Maybe I'd become the old man who says, "In MY day....".

I said, "I hear you. I ask a lot of you and Fiona because I know you can do it. I have high expectations. I expect you to do a good job on your homework, have good penmanship, be nice to each other, think about others, behave well on the playground, use your creativity, etc. I expect these things of myself, too," I continued, "and I too feel stress."

I went on to explain that we have it GOOD, but not easy. Life is not easy. Choosing to do your homework well is hard. Choosing to ignore your homework and face the consequence is also hard. You have two hard choices, if not more, almost all the time, even at age nine. So, we feel some sort of stress all the time. Some stress is good and motivates us to live or respond to life in some positive way-it's called stress. But, the way I see it, most of the stress we feel is unnecessary- distress. What Liam was feeling was a bit of both. Then, he'd added guilt for feeling stressed. 

"So, when you feel stressed out, let us know and maybe we can help- either meet the task that is stressing you, or help alleviate the feelings of being overwhelmed. No matter what, though, no matter how tough things get, Mommy and I love you so much. Please don't feel guilty about your feelings. Or feel guilty about feeling guilty, etc."

I continued, "Also, it is good to remember that we just had a week of vacation, Thanksgiving, days at our cousins' house, and a zillion hours of video game time. Even though it feels like we spend every waking hour fulfilling some obligation, that, in reality, there are more moments of pure joy than we readily acknowledge. Plus, two more weeks of Christmas vacation coming up! So, life is good, and hard. I'm not sure anyone has it easy. Let's think of some things we'd like to do during Christmas vacation. We can choose to focus on those moments that aren't packed with obligation. Tell you what," I offered, "tomorrow right when you get home from school you and I will sit down and knock your homework out right away so it doesn't stress you out. And, when we're done we can go out in the world and chop down a Christmas tree."

You could see the distress melt away from Liam's face and shoulders. He genuinely brightened up. He finished his dinner, cleaned up the table and sat down with Fiona on the floor with a muffin tin and some dimes. He invented a game where the dimes had to travel across the top surfaces of the upside-down tin and attack each other, sort of like checkers. They played this game for about an hour. Then, as usual, our obligations- brushing teeth, reading books, climbing in bed, going to sleep at a reasonable hour because it is a school night.

The difference last night though- he and I both slept well for the first time in weeks. Poor little guy. He's just like me.

January's theme is a new beginning!  Society is bombarding us with the unlimited opportunities of the 2011 new year.  How can a new beginning impact parents of young children? This is a great opportunity to rethink parenting practices and family values.   

REPROGRAMMING THE PARENTS!

Yes, it's the parents who chart the course for the new year! Strangely enough, this beginning opportunity comes after a lot of changes in routine because of the holiday time.

For most families, December included on-the-run meals, less naps, more late bedtimes, some extensive travel time, extended privileges, a relaxation of usual boundaries, more sugar and junk food, stress from deadlines and commitments, and overstimulation from fun, gifts, and people. Celebrating with family and friends has benefits and great "warm fuzzies," but returning to regular responsibilities in January requires a readjustment.

RECLAIMING THE BOUNDARIES

 Many children may have pushed the boundaries, even pushed the parents.  Astute kids have probably bargained with begging, whining, and guilt, when necessary, to get special privileges. Here are some recent comments from children around the Queen Anne area! Hear any of them in your neighborhood?

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Here are some parenting areas to check while charting the family parenting in 2011.