Parenting is an overwhelming task. It seems almost impossible to think of meeting our children's needs in the same way that God meets our needs-which is the core of this book. But if you think about it, God doesn't yell at us. He may occasionally give us a "time out," but his grace is at every turn in our lives. This is the kind of parent I want to be and the kind of person I want my children to become.
If you are looking to be free from guilt, from investing your energies in a long list of things that don't matter, and from comparing yourself and your kids to others, then pick up this encouraging, hopeful book.

Using a few simple words, a parent can work wonders toward gaining cooperation and compliance from a child.  So, what's the secret?  Read on . . .
 
CHILDREN NEED CLEAR "TO DO" WORDS
Routine Tasks-Getting the child's coat on...
It may seem like it takes FOREVER for a child to get on his/her coat
when leaving the childcare at the end of the day. How about getting on a child's pajamas for bed? An average day is filled with many moments like these, when a parents needs a response from the child.
 
Some parents use the cheerful approach because they want to be pleasant and stay positive: "Do you want to get your coat on?" Hearing that question, any bright and thoughtful child would consider the option and cheerfully say, "NO!" (translated, it means, "of course not, because I still want to play and play and play. Why should I want to stop my fun? Why would I want to leave this special place and do something unknown?" The child had answered the parent's question. The child thought he had a choice! But, the child did not really have a choice!  The parent's cheerful question confused the issue. A more successful approach for the parent to use is to simply state the truth:
 "It's time to get on your coat."   This statement helps it happen while the previous question suggests the parent is waiting until the child makes a decision - that is, child is in charge and the parent will follow the child's ideas and time table.   In fact, there is no choice - the child's coat is going on.  Starting with the "to do" words will bring a better result.  If the child still says, "no," the parent can follow it up with a question involving a choice.  Read on.
 
CHILDREN DO RESPOND TO CHOICES
The above scenario could have some magical compliance when a parent gives a choice to a child. Follow up a "no" answer with a choice and/or use a choice when a parent thinks getting the coat on will be a struggle. Here are some examples of giving a choice:
Parent: "It's time to get on your coat."   Then say. . .
(choice)  "Can you get it by yourself or do you need help?" (This gives a choice and
                appeals to child's growing independence.)    or
(choice)  "Should we clean out your cubby before or after we get on your coat?" (Getting
                on the coat is a "given" -the child does have a choice about the timing.)  or
(choice)   (In a humorous style)   "So, who's going to get your coat today?  You or me?
                (This can imply taking turns, an ongoing game, or fun together.)
(choice)   (Perhaps the child has at least two coats in the cubby.)  "Which coat do you
                 want to wear home tonight?  Your fuzzy one or the one with the hood?"
The parent may have to get creative with the choice options because sometimes children play the obstinate card and refuse either choice.


Giving simple choices to a child fulfills the child's need for power. The parent who offers some power through choices can minimize and/or eliminate many child-parent struggles.
 
CHILDREN LOVE HAVING AN OPINION!
Children do like having a say in decision making. But, it should be "limited say!"
Giving too much power to a child can backfire: 
(too much choice)  Parent: "What do you want for dinner?" (This opens potential trouble
                 for the parent because the parent either can't or won't want to produce what
                 child asks for -"ice cream!"   "Mac Donald's!")
A limited choice (controlled by the parent, with either choice being acceptable to the parent) is better:
(limited choice)  Parent: "What do you want for dinner -- chicken nuggets or cheese
                 pizza?" (Hopefully the child will select dinner, and everyone will be happy.)
                 But, if the child says, "No, I don't want either one," then what should the
                 parent do?
(parent choice)  Parent:  "Do you want me to choose or do you want to choose?"  If the
                 child persists with "NO,"  the parent says:  "I guess you want me to select the
                 food for tonight."
 
There may be some fussing and stress expressed by the child here.  But, if the parent stays with the process, it should work!  The parent has been respectful. This pattern is fair because it gives power to both the child and the parent.  It's also important to remember that any new technique tried by a parent will be tested by the child, so the parent should not get discouraged and give up the process.
 
The ideas suggested here foster healthy and fair interaction in routine, family life. Both children and parents need a "say" in what goes on. These principles can be applied to a myriad of family situations:  What to wear - Thomas or Lightning McQueen? 
                                              To Grandma's - tonight or tomorrow? 
                                              What snack - granola bar or yogurt pop?   
                                              Pajamas, before or after a story?
Hopefully, parents can try out these talking points and make them work . 

I Like You

 5:00 - 6:00 p.m.

in the Glen Room

Mary Ann Abbott, Parent Educator from North Seattle Community College, will facilitate a conversation about the ins and outs of parenting toddlers.  Your child's teacher will be available to talk shortly about their specific classroom and activities.  This is a great time to meet other toddler parents - see you there!