I like to peruse the latest child development book titles every once in a while and ran across an interesting one for us Seattle "city folk" called, Last Child in the Woods: Savings Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder. Our busy, technology-filled (or ruled) lives have caused me to previously consider this issue. But calling it a "deficit disorder" makes it very real to this "city-mom." It also makes me wonder what other "deficit disorders" our kids might be experiencing as the years zip along.
 
At this time of reflection and goal-setting for the New Year, maybe having more "un-plugged time" is a worthy resolution for 2010. I would encourage you to take time for a family meeting sometime this month to talk about what might be some new goals to strengthen your family as a caring, healthy unit. Maybe it's to have a game night once a week. Maybe it will be a health-oriented goal like brushing teeth twice a day, or for more exercise, more vegetables, and less sugar! Whatever you choose to do to make your family stronger, this is a great time to recommit as we start afresh in 2010!
 
You might consider an opportunity for community service together, and may I also encourage you to set some spiritual goals. I have shared before that our nightly bedtime prayers with our two sons have provided some of my most treasured memories with some of the best sharing and growth times for our family. And please know that spiritual growth for the family is a priority at First Free Methodist Church and we invite your family to make regular church attendance a goal for Sundays at either 9:30 or 11:00. We make every attempt at First Church to provide for kids a program that balances three elements on Sunday mornings: a solid Bible story lesson, fun and play together as a community, and opportunities to build relationships with other kids and adults who genuinely care about them. You can read more about our church family and programs at www.ffmc.org.
 
Happy New Year to our NQACC friends and families! Your children bring life and joyful noise to us each day at the church office and we value you all as part of our community.

 

Maybe it was the missed naps and the late bedtimes.
Maybe it was the parents' social schedule and the swarm of different baby sitters in recent days.
Maybe it was the parents breaking their own rules and not holding to set limits. 
Maybe it was too much time inside the house and car, and not enough of rough and tumble play.
Maybe it was the necessary changes, especially with the sleeping arrangements, when out-of-town guests had visited.
Maybe it was sleeping on the floor at Grandma's house.
Maybe it was the presence of the school-age children, who were on vacation from school, requiring extra attention and time from parents.
Maybe it was not enough sleep; maybe not enough regular meals, just on-the-run snacks.
Maybe the child was just plain grumpy!
Maybe the parents were just plain grumpy!
So, it was a hard day!

Lots of possibilities as to why, when considering the daily commitments in family life! So, which "maybe" is it?  All of the above?  Just the ones relating to the "in-laws?" None of the above?
How about adding, "the child was sick" or "the parents thought they were getting swine flu?" The parents' minds scroll down all the possibilities.  It could be a combination of many factors.  How does the parent sort through them all?
 
 PREVENTION
An antidote for a hard day starts with prevention. Most families have guidelines about how the household functions. When parents hit a non-compliant attitude from a child, they are tempted to throw out the guideline, to suspend it, just this once! But, parents should hang in there!  Sticking to the rules and rituals and then enforcing them helps with the daily hum-drum, have-to activities --from depositing dirty clothes in the hamper to getting dressed in the morning (before breakfast, before TV, before coming to the living area). Rituals and routines also pave the way for introducing necessary changes and coping with unexpected events which inevitably occur.
 
Polly Greenberg, grandmother and Early Childhood expert, says this about rituals and routines: 
"Routines and rituals are emotional and social 'fences' and templates.  They provide people with behavior boundaries, procedures for solving problems, prompts for acting appropriately, patterns for celebrations, and ways for coping with the emotions and social implications attending life's landmark events such as losing loved ones (funerals) and creating the next generation of families (weddings)." 
All people need routines, from birth and on to old age! Hold on to them and do them, even on tough days!

ATTITUDE
From the beginning of the day, at 7 a.m., as Heather saw their three-year-old sprawled sideways in bed, she had some choices about connecting with Peter.  She decided to gently tap Peter's shoulder and say, "Time to get up, honey." Peter groaned, turned over, and said emphatically, "NO!" So, the wake-up ritual was begun.  Now what should she do next?

 

Gently coax and reason with him about the events awaiting him that day and his need to get out of bed?  Leave him, for now, and come back in a little while?  Rub his back and commiserate with him about having to get up? Get tough with him and insist he get up? Pose an ultimatum? Offer to help him with some of the hard things, like getting dressed and other morning rituals? Decide to dress him herself and do other morning activities for him? Threaten him about having to go to school in his pajamas if he didn't hurry? Take him in her arms and hug him? Take his feelings into account and set a timer for his true morning rising in a few minutes? Tickle him? Carry him out to the kitchen and set breakfast before him? Leave him and ask her spouse/partner to get him up? (Pretend she didn't try waking Peter!) Shut the door or keep the door open and turn on loud music? Give him breakfast in bed? Stay home from work and go back to bed herself? Call the airline and make the reservations for Hawaii? All of the above?  A few of the above?  Daily decisions! Daily successes and some failures!

So, how close to typical, or even occasional, are the situations previously mentioned?  What do days look like in the lives of most parents of preschoolers who have children in child care? Days can be filled with moments of great joy and strong positive emotions; they can also filled with times of gritting one's teeth, working very hard to be patient, and trying to remember what that expert said about gaining a child's compliance and the proper way to wake up a non-cooperative child! 
                                                 
DON'T FORGET THE PAC!
And, stress! Positive stress, like hurrying to arrive in time to get a good seat at Seattle Children's Theater's play, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie,"  and negative stress, like coaxing  a child to wear ruffles to the wedding, instead of her favorite play clothes. Every day, there's an opportunity for PAC (Parent Attitude Check) -a chance to say "no" to built-up anger and frustration and also a chance to remember that a parent's calm and laid-back confidence are important ingredients in wading through a compliance issue.
 
Polly Greenberg has good advice for parents as they navigate through daily activities with their children: "Knowing what to do (being able to predict what's coming next) makes a child feel competent -and feeling competent is an important part of emotional contentment. This is what rituals and routines do: They help make your child feel happy and good about herself -they foster your child's social and emotional growth."
 
Her words give guidance for moment-by-moment living and year-round events in the lives of families everywhere!

As we get started in the new year here are a few reminders to help us start the New Year out right:

 

1)  If you are interested in volunteering in your child's classroom, please speak with your child's head teacher.  Some ideas for volunteering are... come in and read a story, share a talent, talk about your work, plan a classroom party, help with bulleting board take down and set up, classroom cleaning projects and much more.

 

2)  Please call the center if you are keeping your child home for any reason.

 

3)  Please remember to keep your cars locked and bring personal belongings into the building with you.  No incidents have happened, but it is better to be prepared than not.

 

4)  The center closes at 6:00 p.m.  We have a late pick up fee of $1.00 per minute payable to the teacher that stayed late.  If you are late, you should expect to pay the teacher on your arrival as you pick up your child.  The late fee doubles for the second offense, tripples for the third offense and so on.  If the child care has to collect the money from you to pay the teacher, the amount doubles.

 

5)  Tuition payments are due on the 10th of each month.  Late fees will be applied unless you have made special arrangements with Sandy in advance.