Summer Parent Page 2009

Parent Consultant
North Seattle Community College

Waiting can be a challenge for adults. Our world is becoming an instant society. It's easy to become frustrated when the computer technology doesn't work, or is too slow. We get impatient while waiting on the phone and forced to listen to music (especially if you don't like the music!) In Seattle, we are polite, and so we wait for bridges, we wait for ferries, we wait for pedestrians, and we wait for the pizza delivery!
Each time we wait, we reset our thinking and senses so we can get through it.

In Hawaii, one waits when a road is closed in the day from 11:30 -3:30, so that workers can shore up the dirt on the mountain's side. That happened to me this week. Passengers from the cars did various things while they waited. None of us were prepared to "wait." The young couple from California said, "Wow, are we lucky! We left our three-year-old and our eighteen-month-old with their grandparents. They can't wait for anything." Somehow we endured the wait, and as we resumed our journey on the "Road to Hana on Maui," I thought more about waiting and young children.

A Difficult Task for Young Children
Waiting is a young child's nemesis! Waiting is contrary to everything a young child is about -exploring, moving, touching, examining, connecting, tasting, yelling, giggling, -- whatever! Waiting restrains the child's natural tendency to find out about his world and express himself. There's just a tiny little bit of "waiting" in the young child's DNA! Parents and teachers usually know this but, many times, try to stretch the waiting too far. So, that's why there can be chaos when a child has to wait, and wait, and wait!

Darin's Creative Waiting
At another preschool (not NQACC), Darin was waiting for his teacher to finish setting up the experiment of mixing colors. While he waited, Darin saw the yellow color bottle, two big pitchers of water, and several small glasses. It looked to him that the experiment was ready to go! So, he emptied out a little bit of yellow into each glass. Then, he steadied one pitcher with two hands and slowly poured the water in to the first glass. And, now the next glass...But, the pitcher's water had momentum, and Darin couldn't stop the flow as he tried to pour into the second glass, and the next glass, and the next. And, his aim wasn't perfect, so he missed a few glasses. Water, water, everywhere! A yellow sea of water! A surprised teacher returned to the table just as Darin was reaching for the second pitcher. Darin's creative exploring had kicked in while he was waiting! He'd gotten ahead of the teacher, and now the teacher was playing catch-up!

A Young Child's Wait Philosophy
Parents can also get stuck in the catch-up mode. It's as if the child has said, "I am in a slight detour because of this waiting thing. I am not presently able to do what's on my mind, therefore, I must select another option. Come forth, creative mind!"  Usually the other options have trouble associated with them!

Sometimes waiting for a haircut, even in a kid-friendly shop, can run down a child's patience. What about waiting for a medical appointment? Riding in the car for an extra long time? Sitting in a grocery cart? Shopping on foot? ("I can't walk any more! Will you carry me?" 40 lbs!) An amusement park? ("I'm tired!") A family wedding reception or piano recital? ("Can we go yet? When will it be over?") When is my birthday? ("I want a pirate party! Maybe a Cars party!") Repeat! Repeat! These scenarios happen hundreds of times in the lives of many families.

Kinds of Waiting
There are several different kinds of waiting for which a parent should be prepared. First is the anticipated waiting such as a doctor's office. Taking a bag of tricks to do-ones the parent knows are entertaining is a good plan. Then there is the unexpected waiting which can lead a parent down the "playing catch-up road!" Carrying a small emergency activity kit with simple toys/activities and being mentally ready with word games, guessing games, drawing/writing games, and stories can help. There's also the real emergency waiting, such as the hospital emergency room. No advance notice -just barely time to get there. Here the parent relies on anything and everything to entertain a waiting child.
Another waiting experience is the "we probably shouldn't take Lydia, but everyone wants to see her." This is when the task of entertaining during the wait overtakes the event. The parent's and the child's attention becomes totally focused on keeping the child occupied.

Over-Zealous Entertainment
It was a wedding. A family with three preschoolers was ushered to the fourth row. The parents had a plan. It was a smorgasbord of activities: pencil sketching, then coloring, then lollipops, then a juice drink in a cup with matching top and straw, then cheerios, then cookies, then a big water bottle, then pocket toys to be shared, back and forth. This was a disaster preparedness kit. The parents' attention was focused on keeping the children occupied with the activities, while others near by tried to focus on the main event. In a loud whisper, one woman was heard to say, "When my kids were small, I didn't take them to events like this." Should the parents have taken them? What could the parents have done differently? Tough questions!

The last resort for complicated waiting is to leave. Give everyone a break! It's important to change the situation before too much frustration and hostility have seeped out. Breathe in and remember that, for the young child, waiting is like going against the tide (like the tide on Maui's beaches which pushed me down!) Put the frustration aside and re-establish the parent/child bond!

The ongoing challenge is to learn from mistakes and follow what makes children successful. The by-product is that both the child and the parents will feel empowered and connected to each other. Here's to happy waiting!