Death and All His Friends . . .

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The Wealthy Woodpecker

Providing You with an Holistic Approach to Sex and Spirit

June 2010
Hello!
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in this issue

What are You SO Angry About?

Summer Discounts!

How Feminism Faltered

Announcing Sex Talk Radio Network!

Orgasms as Art

German Reader Responds

DVDs

Have You Seen Gasland?

15% Off the Golden Key from Happy Her

Me with Qadishtu Priestess of Sacred Sexuality, Inara De Luna

"No I don't want to battle from beginning to end

"I don't want to cycle, recycle revenge

"I don't want to follow death and all of his friends

"And in the end we lie awake and we dream of making our escape"

lyrics from Coldplay's Death and All His Friends

Well there's a show stopper - literally. We are much too busy for death nowadays. It doesn't fit into our frenetic lives so we have adopted ways of ignoring death. For instance, we put our aging and dying family members in institutions so we don't have to deal with their death until the funeral. Don't misunderstand, there are all kinds of good reasons to put our loved ones in assisted living facilities. I know from personal experience. My 94 year old grandmother was placed in just such a facility her last year of life and I ran to "rescue" her only to discover that the amazing staff had bonded with her and she with them. They called her Grandma, (her favorite salutation), read the Bible to her (her favorite book) and she even attended on-site church services (her favorite past-time). She was much happier there than she would have been in the homes of any of her children or grandchildren.

Nevertheless, the fact that we are uncomfortable with our own mortality and that of our loved ones stands out as a defining element of our current culture. Take for instance the way we typically deal with aging pets. We are often encouraged to "put them to sleep" as soon as they show signs of being infirm. Our veterinarians will assure us that this is in the best interest of our furry family member, but it can be all too easy to succumb to the temptation to time death so as to conform to our busy schedules. Some pet "owners" actually euthanize a pet so they can go on vacation.

Many of you know that my dog Blanco had life-saving surgery eight months ago. Many of you made kind and generous donations to help pay for his rather extensive medical costs. Thanks to you, Blanco enjoyed many months of life infused with renewed verve and enthusiasm. The last two months, Blanco began an irreversible descent into infirmity. Each milestone was met with a grieving process which extended to Blanco and everyone who knew and loved him.

I chose to take things one day at a time with Blanco. There were very bad days when I called the doctor in tears, wondering if it was time for her to assist him in leaving this life. But to her credit, she kept telling me that when the day came, I would simply know. Invariably bad days were followed by good days. And what surprised me was how I grew to appreciate even the worst of days as the incomparable gift of life that they were. I came to see the value in simply existing - something I have always struggled with in my own frenetic drive to achieve and accomplish. When he was unable to run and play anymore, Blanco still showed up for life with enthusiasm as evidenced by the alert and happy way he would look out toward our orchard and listen to the birds.

Waiting on him was tiresome and depressing, but while changing his wee wee pads and bringing him water to drink, I learned something valuable. Even in death, life presents us with opportunities to slow down and be of service to each other. Blanco was a loyal and brave friend who defended me with all his being. Caring for him when he could no longer do the simplest of things (such as going to the bathroom) was an opportunity to show my respect and honor to him and for everything he had done for me over the past eleven years.

When I did make that fateful phone call to the doctor, there was more still to learn about life. Blanco was completely debilitated the day she arrived with her "death kit." I had been crying almost every day for several months, so I was feeling at peace about his passing now. It was simply time. And yet in the moment when Blanco's heart stopped beating, I felt MY heart rip at the roots as he left this mortal plane. It was a tearing sensation as if we were being torn apart and so we were.

What's the lesson in that? The connection we share with those we love is VERY real. It exists on a variety of levels - emotionally of course - but also energetically in ways we are not even aware of. We must honor those connections with our whole being for that is the stuff which makes life so valuable. And sometimes we only understand how precious life is when death and all his friends come to visit.

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Does Your Sex Life Need Help? I Got Just One Question: What are You Angry About?

It's simple really. And yet few couples make the connection. We begin our relationships with great sex. That can last about two years. It's called New Relationship Energy and it feels amazing. Of course it does! When we first start dating someone we find attractive, our bodies release a cocktail of hormones which make heroin look like baby formulae.

But sooner or later the hormones normalize and we lose that feeling of being high on love. Reality starts to set in and our partner isn't quite so charming anymore. Now their faults and obnoxious habits start to annoy us and we don't usually know how to have a conversation about it. So we wait until we can't take it anymore and wind up exploding with an angry outburst - or worse, we hold it all inside and just fume with frustration under the surface of a forced smile.

Eventually the sex starts to suffer and we may not even make the connection. A lot of so called "experts" will even tell you to expect the sex to lose some of its appeal over time. They will tell you that is "normal" and even a sign that your relationship has "matured."

But don't you believe it! Sex should actually be getting better the longer you are with your partner. If that isn't happening for you, you are are NOT alone. And there IS a solution. But like any good thing in life, you WILL have to pay a small price for admission.

What is that small price? You have to be willing to learn how to have constructive conflict with your partner. If you don't know the rules of engagement, you will surely create more harm than good, and some part of you knows that. That's why you avoid conflict today. But avoiding conflict kills good sex. So you got two choices: 1.) enjoy a mediocre or non-existent sex life while you avoid conflict or 2.) learn the rules of the road and enjoy a life of passion.

The bottom line is this: your anger and your sexual passion travel together and you cannot separate them. So make friends with your anger and you will experience a rebirth of all your passions!

Want to know more? As a Couples Consultant I am certified in both sexuality and anger management. I know the rules of the road. Call me at 888.903.0050 email me here!

Veronica in Person

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As a Couples Consultant I teach specific techniques and tools for improved communication, successful problem solving, anger management and sacred sexuality. Whether you are married, living together, straight, gay, lesbian or undecided you will find solutions to some of the most entrenched problems couples face. Of course I also work with individuals. In fact most of my clients work with me on an individual basis even when they are seeking help with an existing relationship.