Calmness In The Eye Of The Storm
Do you have a lot going on in your world right now? Do you feel as though life is coming at you from every which way and no matter where you turn, there is yet something else coming right at you? If so, congratulations....that means you're alive and that Grace is working through you somehow, someway. Maybe it's a familiar lesson repeating itself only with different characters this time (Grace is hoping you'll learn the lesson this time). Or maybe it's something totally unexpected, that has literally pulled the rug out from under your feet. Then there's overwhelm....when you think that whatever is being thrown your way is far too much for you to bear; yet, you somehow have to handle it....and you do (even if it's one small step at a time). We've all endured storms in our lives. Goodness knows I have; especially recently.
Going to Puerto Rico to work with the sato dogs was something that I knew would overwhelm me. I know how I typically feel around God's Beloved Animals to begin with; then once they look at me with sad, forlorn eyes - oh goodness!!! Despite concerns, I nonetheless felt a strong calling to go help the satos as best I could, and I'm so glad that I did. I "knew" beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was meant to go forth and serve in this way. This was the trip of a lifetime; yet it wasn't one filled with memories of laughter on the beach or riding waves in the warm ocean's water; although, in a way I did ride waves.....tumultuous waves of pain and fear, as I looked into each sato dog's eyes, feeling the deepest depths of their emotions. I thought I did a lot of grounding work to prepare myself for my venture out to Puerto Rico; as soon as I became immersed in it though, I realized that there was nothing I could have done to prepare me for ALL that I experienced. Others with me saw and witnessed things, yet doing the work that I do, I felt each animal's core emotions as though they were my own....each emotion flooding the very core of my heart. Each dog that I looked at, spoke a different story to me. And to connect with the satos the way that I did, I had to fully open my heart and allow each one in, leaving me totally vulnerable and totally exposed. Yet only from that place of full surrender, would I have been able to wholeheartedly love each dog that I was blessed to work with. Sometimes the pain that I felt from a certain dog was so overwhelming that I wanted to break down and sob right there in front of them....yet what good would that do? They didn't need my tears or my pain in that moment......I was there to offer them love and support; as such, I chose to be strong in their presence. When it felt like it was becoming too much for me to bear or like I wanted to give up, I'd close my eyes and lift my heart up in prayer, asking God to make my heart even more expansive. I'd then feel my feet being more deeply embedded with Mother Earth's energy, while my heart lifted up higher to the heavens, grasping hold of God's all-encompassing love and support. I'd reflect upon encouraging words spoken to me, to keep me going on this journey.....words I wrapped around my heart and soul.....words that gave me courage to keep going, even when I felt as though I had nothing more left inside of me to give. As I worked with the satos, I sometimes thought how this is TOO BIG for me and I should just give up...but then I'd think of people back home going through their own personal storms that were TOO BIG for them. Sure, I was having "the hardest day of my life," yet so were others. My thoughts went to a client in hospice, making her heavenly transition back home; how my heart longed to be with her and each family member/friend I'd grown to love through her - all of whom were having their own "hardest day." Thoughts went to a client anxiously awaiting test results from an emergency biopsy.....and how this was their "hardest day." Another person trusted, when they should have known better....and now that person was facing one of their "hardest days." So as I looked into each dog's eyes, tapping into one of their "hardest days," I realized that we all have our storms to weather. Life was never meant to be lived without challenges; what's important is how we handle those challenges when they come upon us.
I set out to Puerto Rico on a mission - to help the satos. During my trip, I found myself faced with some unexpected tidal waves of emotion. I could either let those waves drown me or I could ride them out as best I could, somehow getting through the storm (even if meant kicking and screaming at times). Thankfully, I chose to ride the waves. Yes, I shook as I worked on some dogs - yet that was okay. Yes, I went to my hotel room and broke down crying uncontrollably at the end of the day - yet that was okay. Yes, I asked God A LOT of questions - and even that was okay. Through the storm of the deep emotional heartbreak I was feeling, I somehow managed to stay as calm as I could while in the eye of the storm. Yes, I was being thrown into huge gusts of emotion that seemingly came out of nowhere....yet, it was in the moments when I felt most vulnerable that I reached out to God in the deepest, most profound ways. I experienced more than I could have ever anticipated within a one week period - some of it shook me to my core, leaving me breathless with swollen, red eyes and a puffy red nose; and some of it made me realize that I am never alone, even when it feels like I am. The support and love I had with me on this trip was overwhelming! I had printed out every e-mail sent to me, extending words of love, support and encouragement; when I felt I had no more to give, I drew from your words of love (thank you). Then my dear friend/veterinarian, Dr. Keri Garcia, joined me a few days into my trip. At the end of the week she looked at me and said, "Caly....your metal was so greatly tested this week. Despite all you're going through, you still managed to share love and healing with these satos." In that moment I realized something very profound.....prior to leaving for Puerto Rico, I had been putting out a fierce prayer to the Universe, asking to be calm in the eye of the storm. I wasn't sure why I had been praying this prayer, yet I had been (I suppose intuitively I knew what was about to hit me). Prior to leaving for this trip, I also asked that God let my heart be fully broken, allowing me to feel it ALL! After all, if I didn't feel what the satos were going through, how could I come home and get word out about all that these beloveds experience every day of their lives, as they aimlessly roam the beach looking for food, shelter, survival and safety. And so, my prayers were answered (even though I didn't immediately realize it). As the satos are fully exposed and vulnerable, so I too became fully exposed and vulnerable. Love was not readily available to me, I felt no safety whatsoever, every which way I turned I felt more fear and most nights, I didn't even have an appetite to eat. I was experiencing the life of a sato. And even though I felt I was a shaky mess, I still managed to feel what I needed to while also sharing the Grace-infused work that I'd been called to do. Through it all, there was a part of me that was so deeply rooted to God's Light and Love that it could not be shaken; it was that very part of me that allowed me to be calm in the eye of the storm, even when I didn't necessarily feel that calmness. A greater force was at work. No matter how bad things got for me, I was always able to draw upon something that fueled me in some special way - remembered words of encouragement, expressing gratitude (there's always something to be grateful for), the feeling of an angel watching over me, hearing a bird sing from high above or watching as a very frightened dog finally surrendered to trust, kissing my outstretched reiki hand (although others' hands abused her in the past). Witnessing her newfound trust, I lovingly touched her, as she allowed love in for the very first time; that moment alone made all of what I had endured worthwhile ~ there could be no greater gift.
The storms in our lives aren't meant to punish us; they arrive to strengthen and enlighten us in some magnificent way. They make us tap into reservoirs of ourselves that we may not have ever known existed, had we not endured these storms. And although most times we can't make any sense of "why" these storms are happening, later in life when we sit in quiet reflection, the reasons often become quite clear and we understand why things had to happen the way that they did. Regardless, when storms come barreling through your life, give thanks for the wisdom and insight you're about to become. Despite all the heartache I experienced in Puerto Rico, this trip greatly enlightened me; it's catapulted me to grow both as a person and as a healer. I'm so glad I weathered the storm!
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Shine Even Brighter:
I encourage you to reflect upon one or all of the following for your personal growth:
1. Reflect upon past storms in your life and how you handled them. Now that you're out of the storm, is there something you wish you'd done differently? Do you wish you'd have reached out for help instead of handling it alone? Were there helpful resources available that you couldn't see as you were in the midst of the storm? Consider these questions so when future storms come at you, you have more awareness and insight to better handle them.
2. Reflecting upon past storms in your life, do you now see how these storms helped you to grow in some way? Did they enlighten you? Did they cause certain people to come into your life who you otherwise may not have met? Perhaps your storm had a positive impact on the life of someone else? Perhaps something even greater came along than what you already had?
3. What did you do that worked for you in past storms? Did you meditate? Pray? Did you make sure you got the proper amount of sleep? Exercise? Did you have a good support system of family/friends? Did you journal? Did you (uncharacteristically) reach out for help? Focus on what worked for you and allow these very things to continue to enhance your daily life - storm or no storm.
