In this issue we will discuss the possibility that your child has depression rather than an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, lymbic type.

When one is depressed several of the following symptoms will be noted. Someone with four or five of the following symptoms should probably see a physician or other professional to get a real assessment done.

The common symptoms of depression include:

• Physical Hyperactivity, or Lack of Activity (Hypoactivity)
• Change of Appetite, either Less or More
• Change in Sleeping, either Less or More
• Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities
• Loss of energy, increased fatigue
• Feelings of worthlessness, or inappropriate guilt
• Difficulty concentrating
• Thoughts of death or dying
• In children and teens, depression is shows itself with increased aggression, irritability, or isolation from the family.

Sometimes really out of control emotional behavior is attributed to ADHD, but bmight really be the result of depression! Depression in children and teens often looks to a clinician, who barely knows your child, as ADHD.

One main difference is that depression has a "starting date" and ADHD has been present to some degree or another since birth.

• Does your child seems very sad, or very grouchy or irritable?
• Does it seem like nothing is fun for him, even things he used to like doing?
• Does he seem bored most of the time and just sit around?
• Has he gained a lot or weight? Or lost a lot of weight?
Does he seem to be sleeping a lot more than usual, and have lots of trouble waking up in the morning? Or does he have unusual trouble getting to sleep at night?
• Does he seem unusually restless or agitated?
• Is he having more trouble than usual paying attention to school work?
• Is it harder for him to make decisions than usual?
• Has your child/teen talked about suicide, or even make attempts, recently?

If three or four of these are true of your child/teen over the past six months, expecially the one about suicide, then we'd recommend that you have him checked out by a therapist, psychologist, or physician who specializes in depression. It is very common to mis-diagnose depression for ADHD, especially by inexperienced therapists and physicians. Learn more at the ADHD Information Library at http://www.newideas.net.

Here's how we are going to define the term "non- compliance" in children:

1. The child fails to begin doing what he was asked within a reasonable amount of time (15 seconds);
2. The child fails to keep doing what he was asked until the job is finished;
3. The child fails to follow previously taught rules of conduct in a specific situation, such as at church, at school, at the store, or with friends;

When your child is non-compliant you need to take action. You simply cannot ignore the behavior hoping that it will go away. Deal with the situation yourself, or consider getting some professional help in tough situations. Non-compliance should be treated because:

1. It is the most frequent complaint of parents seeking help in clinics;
2. It underlies most negative interactions between family members and the child;
3. Because disruptive-aggressive behaviors usually do not occur randomly. Instead they occur in "bursts" and are usually associated with having asked the child to do something.

Over the years I have developed some presuppositions with respect to children and their behavior. I'd like to pass this on to you, as parents, with the hope that it will help you in dealing with your non-compliant child. They are:

1. Kids are weird. Children do not think like adults do, they do not process information as adults do. The do not see the world around them as adults do.
2. Kids are fools. This is not original with me. King Solomon, reflecting on his growing family (remember he had 1,000 wives and many children) said this a long time ago. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child," is the way he put it. Simply said, "Kids will do foolish things, they are not yet wise." It is our job as parents to teach them wisdom.
3. We often EXPECT more out of our kid's behavior than we expect from ourselves. We want others to excuse faults in us, yet we will expect perfection in our children. This needs to change.
4. Children do things on purpose. Sometimes your child will misbehave on purpose. He is testing you. He is observing you. Draw the line now, or you will be sorry later.
5. Child behavior is not random. See number 4.

Here are two phrases for parents to remember in understanding your children:

A child's behavior occurs because of who the child is, what the child knows about you, and what the child wants from you.

The child will do things either to get POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, or to ESCAPE or AVOID SOMETHING that he does not want to do or have.

So please spend enough time with your child to let him know that you are on his side, and that you want the best for him. There are certain things that our children need to know in order to be successful in life, and one of those things is knowing how to listen and obey parents. Stay the course and be consistent with teaching your child wisdom and compliance. To learn more about helping children, visit http://www.addinSchool.com.

With a Doctorate in Psychology, and a Master of Science degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, doctor Cowan has worked with over 1,000 children and their families with ADHD or related conditions as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, researcher, and author.