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Changing the Cycle of Communication
If you feel that you are in a continuous cycle of un or under-productive communication with you child, the following suggestions will help you and your child become more successful communicators.
Children that are born with autism and other neuro-developmental disabilities do not develop the "mechanics" for communication that typically developing children do. The neurological deficits present in these children prevent them from being able to provide their parents with the kind of feedback that allows parents to engage in natural communication patterns with them.
Tip #1: SLOW DOWN
One of the major reasons children with ASD and related disabilities are poor communicators is due to their slower processing abilities. These children have great difficulty processing any and all information and often have co-occurring auditory and visual processing difficulties as well. Communication is so dynamic. When we speak to one another, we are not only listening and interpreting the spoken word, we are monitoring facial expression, intonation, body language to infer meaning from the language being used. We are also thinking and responding in ways that are appropriate to our partner and environment and using our own non verbal communication to emphasize important aspects of our spoken word. We do this all simultaneously and without consciously thinking about it. It is important to slow down this entire process for individuals with ASD and other neuro-developmental disabilities so they can begin to understand it. When you say something or do something that you would like some kind of response from your child, be sure to wait. It's difficult to increase your wait time and I would recommend counting to at least 30 before you intervene by prompting, asking again or going ahead and doing something for them. Take that 30 seconds to look and see what "thinking" looks like. One unfortunate pattern of communication with these individuals that occurs is that they are constantly interrupted when thinking. This results in poor appraisal, poor problem solving, poor memory and prompt dependency.
Tip #2: SHHHHH!!
Let me reiterate again that individuals with autism and other neuro-developmental disabilities have a very difficult time processing simultaneous information (verbal and non-verbal). In addition to that, they do not naturally pick up on non-verbal cues. This deficit is exasperated by our tendency as parents and professionals to use more language with these children than we do with typically developing children. Our tendency to do that is due to the fact that they are better at understanding verbal communication as opposed to non-verbal communication. How are they to ever improve upon this weakness in reading and using non-verbal communication if we don't, as parents and professionals, provide them opportunities to practice this. These are children that we are constantly telling to, "look at me," well give them a reason to look at you. If all they are receiving is auditory information, there is no need for them to look, monitor and interpret non-verbal cues. Try to minimize your language and use more non verbal communication; gesture, facial expression, intonation and body language. You will be surprised how quickly your child checks in with you for information when you do not provide them with so much auditory information.
TIP #3: USE DECLARATIVE LANGUAGE
Declarative language is defined as a statement or comment. It is never a directive or a question and will always end with a period or exclamation point. This type of language can be used for experience sharing or indirect prompting.
Experience sharing language is so important. It makes up 80% of the conversational language that we use with one another. Experience sharing language requires no specific response and there is no right or wrong answer. Some examples of experience sharing language are, "That was the best one!" "I love bananas!" "I don't feel good." Exposure to experience sharing language is critical for children to learn that the value of using language is to share and converse with others. Most parents and professionals fall into the cycle of using only instrumental language with these children. Instrumental language is anything that requires a specific response, whether that be an answer to a question or following a direction. Your ratio of declarative versus instrumental language should be 80/20. Begin commenting on things that you like or dislike, things you are doing and things the child is doing. Don't expect a response at first. It will take some exposure of this type of language for your child to begin seeing the value in it.
Declarative language can also be used as an indirect prompt. Part of the cycle that parents and professionals fall into is constant prompting. As mentioned earlier, it is important to slow down and allow the child to think and possibly come up with the answer on his or her own. By using an indirect prompt such as, "this room is a mess!" instead of the directive, "pick up your toys." provides the child with the opportunity to actively think about language, infer meaning from it and solve a problem on his or her own.
Begin thinking about not providing enough processing time, using direct prompts, using language as your primary mode of communication as overcompensating for communication deficits in your child. Sure, it is easier for parents for professionals and for the child to continue this cylce. However, the child will continue to struggle communicating if these debilitating deficits are not addressed. Challenge yourself and your child by raising the bar, expecting more and changing this unproductive cycle of communication.
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