BREAKING THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE,
BULLYING AND NEGATIVITY
We have all been reminded this week, due in part to the nationally publicized violent attack in Tucson, that our society is becoming increasingly more negative and that both physical and psychological bullying are on the rise in our schools and in the workplace. It is our obligation as honorable warriors to become agents for positive change in the world around us. But how do we as individuals go about approaching this ubiquitous problem? First we must recognize and understand the causes of bullying and violence.
If we mindfully observe the world around us it becomes very clear that each of us encounters situations in which we are not treated with respect or are treated in an aggressive, negative or insulting manner. How do we act when we are faced with these situations? It is human nature to immediately develop resistance to any situation or interaction that is perceived as negative or threatening. We naturally, due to the selfishness of our egos, have resistance to anything and everything that is not beneficial to us. Many of us, including myself, have an overdeveloped sense of justice. We want life to be fair, but the fact is, life is not fair. When we perceive that we are not being treated fairly, then we immediately feel resistance to the situation or interaction. As our ego processes the situation, resistance takes on negative energy in the form of resentment towards the situation or individual and over time, matures into a desire for revenge.
This process of having resistance, developing resentment and desiring revenge can occur in a few seconds, minutes, hours or days and can take on a little or a lot of negative energy depending on our psychosocial conditioning. When someone cuts us off in traffic we may quickly run thru this cycle and in an instant, act out our revenge in the form of choice words or gestures. However, we have the power within us to defy the development of this negative energy and break the cycle of violence and bullying. The escalation of conflict between individuals, groups or countries is all generated in the same manner, compounded by a viscous cycle of reciprocal revenge. When one individual has a negative interaction with another, they progress through resistance, resentment and then retaliates revenge on the other individual who then may repeat the cycle. Every minor and major conflict in history, including world wars, follows this same pattern.
I am reminded of the historical example of the Hatfields and McCoys, the two families in West Virginia and Kentucky who feuded for decades in the 1800's. Their series of conflicts all started due to a disagreement over the ownership of a pig. One family believed that the pig was theirs because it was on their land and the other believed that the pig belonged to them because of its distinguishing markings on its ears. The initial disagreement was ultimately mediated by a judge who ruled that the animal belonged to the Hatfield family. Unfortunately, the judge was a Hatfield and ultimately was murdered by a member of the McCoy family because of his perceived unfair ruling. The two families engaged in a cycle of reciprocal violence which resulted in approximately 10 deaths all due to a disagreement over the ownership of a farm animal. As you can see, violence and aggression only begets more violence and aggression and ultimately results in pain and suffering for all involved.
One important way to curb the tendency for the development of negativity, resistance and resentment within you is to purposely limit your exposure to images of violence, aggression or negativity in the form of movies, television programs or video games. I assure you from personal experience that I feel more peaceful and more positive when I do not watch the news or television dramas that depict scenes of violence. Several months ago after my wife and I watched several episodes of a popular crime drama on television, we realized that doing so was not relaxing or entertaining, but instead was somewhat depressing and anxiety provoking. We have since made the conscious effort to avoid such programming and instead limit ourselves to more light hearted or inspirational programming. We both agree that doing so has had a positive effect on our attitude and approach to life.
Another important technique to assist us in controlling our emotions and being successful in breaking the cycle of bullying and negativity which we are exposed to is to consistently strive to maintain our mindfulness of the present moment and acceptance of what IS in our daily life. When we are exposed to confrontational situations we are encouraged to return to our breathing and the present moment. In doing so, we will be able to more mindfully listen to our attacker and with practice, see the situation through their eyes rather than from our ego produced defensive posture. When we are able to change our perspective, then we will be able to approach each situation with compassion rather than resistance, resentment and the perceived need to defend our ego.
Honorable warriors utilize mindfulness to recognize when they experience negativity. When they recognize situations in which we are experiencing bullying or negativity, instead of following our natural instincts to meet force with force, instead we meet hostility with compassion and negativity with positivity.
KAIZEN!!!!
Steven M. Erickson
© Copyright 2009-11 Steven M. Erickson, MD
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