THE TWELVE WAYS
At the Center for Humane Living we teach conflict resolution utilizing concepts that were initially presented by Terrance Webster-Doyle referred to as "The 12 Ways". We begin to teach the twelve ways within our Little Dragon class consisting of four, five and six year old students. Beginning at this young age, we introduce the thought process that there are at least twelve ways to deal with conflict and bullying.
The pneumonic that I use at my dojang to teach the 12 ways is ASK FOR THIS WAR.
A - Agree with the bully.
S - Stand up to the bully.
K - Use your karate (which is always the last one to use).
F - Make friends with the bully.
O - Others.
R - Reason with the bully.
T - Use trickery.
H - Use humor.
I - Ignore the bully.
S - Scream and yell.
W - Walk away.
A - Go to authority.
R - Refuse to fight.
Utilizing "The 12 Ways", we teach our students through role play how to better deal not only with bullying but with any source of conflict they may encounter in their lives. These techniques are universally applicable, whether you are on the playground as an eight year old child, being bullied by a group of teenage girls that want to exclude you from their click, or an employee who has a boss who prevents you from moving up the corporate ladder. However, it isn't enough to be able to list and understand these concepts of conflict management. We need to strive to mindfully apply these techniques each and every day. To better understand the application of these concepts, let me share with you a Zen story that illustrates how some of the methods are more powerful at producing peace than others.
A martial arts master brings three of his students to the mouth of a narrow canyon which contains a wild horse. The master instructs his students that the challenge for the day is for each of them to get from the mouth of the canyon to the other end of the canyon, knowing that to do so would require each of them to interact with the wild horse. The first student walks boldly into the middle of the canyon. As he approaches, the youthful mare paws at the ground, snorts, kicks up dirt and as the student gets closer, rears up on its hind legs attempting to strike the student with its front hooves. However, this martial arts student utilizes his extraordinary martial arts skills and physical strength to block, dodge, duck and dive his way past the wild animal. In doing so he successfully avoids bodily harm from the horse's aggression. After a few tense moments of struggling, the student proudly makes his way to his Sensei at the other end of the canyon.
The second student takes his turn and he approaches the challenge from a different perspective. He climbs up the side of the canyon wall and makes his way across the cliffs above the horse. Although the horse gets angry and rears up on its hind legs in an attempt to attack the student, the horse cannot reach high enough to strike the student where he is perched on the side of the canyon wall. In this manner, the second student quickly navigates around the boulders moving to the far side of the canyon and completely avoids the horse altogether.
The third student, after observing the successes of her predecessors, decides to approach the conflict in a different manner. The third student, who is not as advanced in the physical aspects of the martial arts, walks quietly with her head down, into the canyon. She walks just far enough in to the canyon that the horse can see her. The horse responds to her presence by becoming nervous and angry, sensing the potential conflict. The young martial arts student proceeds to sit down turning her back to the horse, then gently picks up a stick and begins playing with it in the sand. She whistles quietly as she draws pictures and writes words in the sand. With very little delay, the horse begins to approach the girl and as it does, it tilts its head to the side as if to say, "I don't understand what this girl is doing or why she does not appear to be afraid." When the horse gets right on top of the student, it looks over her shoulder in order to observe what she is doing. The student reaches up and gently pets the horse on its nose which has a visibly calming affect on the horse. The student then slowly stands up, gently pats the horse and runs her fingers through its mane. Pretty soon the horse has gained enough confidence in the relationship and understands that the student is not a threat and means no harm. Only then does the horse allow the student to mount its back and the student rides the horse to the other end of the canyon where her Sensei is waiting.
This story about the wild horse teaches us three of the twelve ways to deal with conflict or bullying. The first one is to stand up to the conflict and meet the conflict head on. That works in this case because the martial artist was very well trained and was able to meet the conflict with the horse head on without getting injured. However, as we learn in the martial arts, meeting force directly with force usually results in pain for both parties involved and the result typically produces even more conflict. The second student utilizes the techniques of ignoring and refusing to fight. These techniques are more effective than standing up to conflict and as this Zen story illustrates, decreases the potential for harm. However, utilizing these techniques does nothing to dissipate or resolve conflict. The third student utilizes the more compassionate technique of making friends with the horse (bully) which results in a complete dissolution of the conflict. Utilizing this technique is far more difficult and challenging than avoiding conflict, but by doing so, has a positive affect on both people involved in the conflict.
As you can see from the Zen story, approaching conflict with kindness and compassion can be transforming for the bully and for the individual being bullied. By utilizing the techniques of agreeing with the bully, reasoning with the bully and making friends with the bully we can dissolve conflicts one interaction at a time. That is the true essence of the martial arts and if we all approach life with this mindful intent, we can decrease the amount of conflict in our world today.
KAIZEN!!!!
