Doriano & Patricia Baisi
Tough Times. That phrase is bandied about frequently, but what do people mean when they say "Tough Times"? It means they are struggling -- in some personal way. When we struggle, we often feel overwhelmed like we are carrying the world on our shoulders. We cry out to God, "Why? Why me? Why now? When will it end?" God seems silent, but in reality He is busy answering our questions. We are often just too busy coping to hear the answers. Each struggle carries a message He wants us to hear, but we must stop, wait, and patiently listen for those messages.
We struggled with hard times a number of years ago when we discovered in the same week that I was pregnant with our third child and that Doriano would be laid off for three months! Those three months dragged out to three years. Doriano managed to keep us going with odd jobs and his Employment Insurance, but those years definitely fall under the category of "Tough Times".
Yet, when we look back on those days, we marvel at our inventiveness and God's gentle assistance. We found inexpensive ways to entertain the children; we took them to the dollar movies shown at a local community centre every Saturday. We took long walks in the parks when the weather was nice. We played cards with our friends instead of going out. We learned to make every dollar stretch as far as it could. And when the money could stretch no farther...God would provide Doriano with a temporary job or someone, like Ron, a kind parishioner, would press money into our hand when greeting us at church. God, in his wisdom, revealed our creativity to us and the generosity of the people in our parish.
Patricia and I have struggled with our relationship. We married young. We came from very different backgrounds with different expectations. She moved from the United States to my home in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She soon became pregnant and she had no friends or family to help support her. Our relationship suffered as hormones intensified her feelings of homesickness and loneliness and fear of being a mother. I struggled to understand what she was going through and wondered whether we had made the right decision to marry so soon. Nothing seems to hurt as much as "Tough Times" in a relationship.
What lesson was God whispering in our ear as we struggled to make a life together? He gently led us closer together. We had nobody else to lean on, so we leaned on each other. He taught us how to build a family together; we weren't just individuals anymore, we had begun a new combined unit that required our openness to change and our dedication to continue to build on the foundation we had started.
A disagreement with our parish priest caused hurt feelings and a disillusionment with the Catholic Church for Patricia. She stopped going to Mass and entered into a deep well of depression that only seemed to get worse as time progressed. She sorrowfully trod the path through the dark valley of the soul. It has taken counseling and deep soul searching for her to find her way back to God and to the Church. Being embraced by the priests of Marriage Encounter and hearing their messages helped in the healing process and gently guided Patricia back to her Faith.
Through all that dark time, God remained faithful to us. That was God's message for us. He was not going to abandon us just because of "Tough Times". When God seems far away or hidden behind a dark curtain, it is during these times that God holds us close to His heart and toughens us up for the spiritual battles to come. Faith grown only during easy times is not faith. Faith must be tested in fire to harden it like the steel in a sword. In order to truly believe in God, we must question and examine our faith. We need to accept God into our hearts with the conviction that He is real, that He loves us, and that He will never abandon us. This is not an easy process; it wasn't ever meant to be easy. It is a necessary process.
Currently, we struggle with the "Tough Times" of medical problems. Patricia's back pain has been diagnosed as a herniated disc in her lower back which is pressing on a nerve and causing sciatica down her left leg. Patricia is in a great deal of pain and is prescribed strong pain killers. She finds it difficult to sit because the chair presses against the affected nerve, so she mostly stands or lies down. Needless to say...this limits what she can and cannot do. Computer work is limited and now done standing up at the kitchen counter; of course, she can only stand for a short time. She is bored and frustrated and lonely.
What does God whisper to us at a time like this? Patience. Prayer. Love. Reflection. Trust. Acceptance. Not just for Patricia, but also for Doriano. It's not easy to be supportive of an ill spouse, child, relative, or friend. You want to help them, fix them, so they are no longer in such pain. We need to accept that it will happen in God's time and in God's way. He always has a reason even if we do not understand it.
Why does a loving God allow "Tough Times" to invade our life? We are like plants. Plants must struggle to push their way through the rocky soil in order to reach the sunlight before they can flourish. When scientists make it too easy for plants to reach the sunlight, those plants often fall prey to disease or disaster. They didn't toughen up enough to survive the hardships of life above ground.
God allows challenges into our lives to toughen us up so we can survive the onslaughts of life. Tough times present us with an opportunity to learn compassion and empathy and patience. If we always had an easy life, how could we understand another's struggles? We experience kindness from others and, from that, learn how to extend kindness. We learn how help others and how to ask for and how to accept help for ourselves. Supporting one another through the challenges of life, the "Tough Times", helps to build relationships and our sense of community as we are brought closer together from our shared experiences.
P.S.
Thank you and God bless you for all of your prayers for Patricia as she struggles with her pain and tries to keep her spirits up. We have a small magnet on our fridge that helps keep us going and may help you during your "tough times". It says: "Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I together can't handle."
10/10 Questions
1. What is God trying to teach us through the experience of our current "Tough Times"? How do I feel about my answer?
2. I remember the "Tough Time" when ____________________ happened. How do I feel about that time in our lives?
3. What was the most creative solution or activity we discovered during a Tough Time in our married life? What are my feelings remembering this?
4. Describe in loving detail the last time we reached out to a person or couple experiencing "Tough Times." How did I feel about reaching out at that time?
5. What specific "Tough Time" we've experienced as a couple drew me closer to you? How do I feel about my answer?
6. When we had to ask for help during a "Tough Time", how did I feel? How do I feel about my answer?
7. Going through "Tough Times" has taught me ________________________. How do I feel about my answer?
8. The message I am hearing from God about our "Tough Times" is: ________________. How do I feel sharing my answer with you?