One inevitable area of life that we often avoid discussing is the subject of death. Patricia's mother died on May 3, 2011 at the age of 96. This forced us to face death and to talk about it. It forced us to look at our fears surrounding death: fear of the unknown, fear of being left alone, fear of what will happen when we are gone.  

With Mother's death, we found ourselves strangely numb at first. It seemed unreal that this strong-willed, vibrant person was gone from our lives. As the numbness wore off and reality set in, we slowly noticed all the small comforts that Angels brought into our lives. Flowers filled our home with springtime promise and heavenly scents. Cards arrived with memories and prayers scribed inside. Family came from afar and friends visited offering help or just a shoulder to cry on. Even just the offer of a Kleenex when we needed it showed concern for our well-being.

As we noticed these angelic comforts, we also began to notice God's plan to reassure us that all is well. A visiting Catholic priest walked into the hospital ward just after Mom died and was able to offer a blessing of her body. We couldn't get the casket we wanted in time, but an even nicer one was found. On the following Sunday, Mother's Day, the choir sang the hymn: "And the Father Will Dance". In the middle of a week of rain, we had lovely sunshine for the day of Mom's Mass of Christian Burial and Interment. Our garden centre, not knowing of Mom's passing, out of the blue, gave us two flats of begonias and a rose bush they were clearing out. Coincidence? No. God was with us in our mourning. We could feel His presence.

All of the above, and more, led us to a quiet internal sense of peace and acceptance. We know that she no longer suffers from the physical and mental infirmities that had plagued her. She can once again feel useful as she watches over us from Heaven. Of course, there is a void in our lives that we sometimes fill with tears, but there is also a gratefulness for the life that was hers.

Now that a few weeks have passed, we reflect back on all that happened. We find ourselves reliving the small kindnesses. We find that the flowers, cards, and emails meant more to us then we could have realized before. We were touched that so many of our WWME Family made an effort to attend either the funeral or the prayers or both - just to comfort us in our sorrow. It took Patricia over a week to write all the thank you notes. She says each note was also a prayer of thanksgiving for such special people in our lives.

Prior to this experience, we never realized how important a note, phone call, flowers, or visit could be to someone suffering a loss. We often thought that we should not intrude on them at such a time.   Sometimes, to be honest, we were "just too busy" to get the card out or make the phone call or to take time off of work for the funeral.   (Never again!) We also have realized that it is never too late. The floral arrangements sent our way arrived at different times so we were comforted with flowers for several weeks. Patricia's friend, Paula, is still sending her notes every week or so. We have resolved to be more pro-active and available to our friends and family when they experience the loss of a loved one. By sharing in their pain, we can also share in the celebration of God's love for each of us.

We still have paperwork to wade through and phone calls to numerous agencies to deal with. There will probably be some confusion requiring yet more paperwork and phone calls. We still have to go through Mom's things. There are still decisions to be made. And yet more paperwork. It all seems so overwhelming, but we know that God will be with us and send us His angels when we need them. The greatest gift from this painful experience is that we are now talking about death in a positive way. We talk about what we want our funeral to be like, where we want to be buried, what will happen after the funeral, what we need to plan to make it easier for our children. The loving support of everyone has given us the courage to face our fears in an open, affirming manner. We know that God will walk with us through "the valley of death."

Give your spouse a hug right now, and again in an hour, and again an hour after that. "You know not the hour...." God bless each of you!

10/10 Questions:

1. Have you ever thought of your actions as "angelic" in the effects they have on another? What are my feelings about my answer?
2. When ____________ died, how did I respond? How do I feel about my answer?
3. How do I usually react when we hear of a death? How do I feel about my answer?
4. My greatest fear when I die is ___________? Why is that my greatest fear? How do I feel about sharing this with you today?
5. What would I like my funeral to look like when I die? Be specific.   How do I feel about my answer?
6. If you die before I do, my biggest worry would be ______________. How do I feel about my answer?
7. What plans have I made for my finances/funeral/family when I die? How do I feel about my answer?
8. What do I do to offer comfort to a friend/family member in mourning? How do I feel about my answer?
9. The last funeral we attended was_____________.   How did I feel at that funeral? How do I feel about my answer?
10. If I had to write my own eulogy, what would I write? How do I feel about my answer?