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It's 10:15 p.m., Sunday, October 3, 2010. The music is blaring. It's way past my bedtime. I am standing on the 2nd floor balcony, overlooking the dance floor and stage.
My feet ache from the high heels. My face is itchy from the makeup. I am hot and sweaty from this wig. I am way out of my comfort zone. There are still seven OMazing performers before me. I am tired, am losing my hearing and not sure what I am going to do up on that stage. In fact, I am scared silly. Ha ha ha.
The voices start to take over - louder than the music and the ruckus vibrating around me - the naysayers in my head. What's Going On?
I take a deep breath and look across to the balcony on the other side of the bar. In the dark and flashing light chaos, I think I see Sister Goddess Christina. I wish, I pray. I think she sees me. There is no recognition for a moment. Her right hand goes up and she does a HA HA HA party in her hand.
At that moment, a lump in my throat shifts and a tightly held back tear falls out of my eye. Amidst the din and confusion, both my hands go up reflexively to HA HA HA right back at her. A smile shines from deep within and just takes over my face. I take a deep breath and I relax into the HA HA zone.
I shake the tension off my back and into the ground. My fears forgotten. I AM the Goddess of HA HA. BEing a Queen for one night - I can do this.
I breathe again - deep into the moment - the air is electric - the love vibe in the building is pulsing, thumping, beating - like a Mama's heartbeat. I am so excited - dancing and singing to a crowd of loving supporters - what an opportunity to grow. Tee hee~@~
Sister Goddess Christina (a/k/a Joy In Motion) and I - we shared this special moment - a secret HA HA HA - in the midst of the hurricane. The HA HA HA - in my BODY and out of my HEAD. The ego became my amigo as BODY WISDOM took over. Just BE the best ME I can BE. Muscle memory & connection to something greater than Me took over. Very good, very good - yay~@~
Thank you Sister Goddess Christina for the HA HA to A-ha moment we shared. Thank you for BEing my angel in the wings. And the fabulous roses you had for me waiting in the wings. Ha ha ha. I am grateful for our SISTERHood and this Omazing muscle we are growing - together - in COmmUNITY..
Feeling the fear and doing it anyways.
WooHoo
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