Synergy Life e-News

"Bounce Back into Balance"

(A Featured Article in the Summer Edition

of BLOOM magazine!)

by Christina Kunkle,

CTA Certified Life and Wellness Coach, R.N.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning feeling anxious and wondering how I can possibly "get it all done". Those are the times I feel like I'm behind before I even get out of bed, and for a fleeting moment I consider the possibility of pulling up the covers and calling in "sick". There's a sinking sensation as I face the reality that's just not an option - my 3 year old daughter will be up soon and need hugs and breakfast. My son has a 7th grade project he needs help with before catching the bus to school, and this is the day my husband leaves early for a meeting. The anxiety escalates to overwhelm as I remember l need to tie up the loose ends on a business presentation that is due in a few hours. With my heart racing and on the verge of panic, I push back tears and reach for the precious tools I've learned that always help me "bounce back into balance".

At times like these I am grateful for tough life lessons that have taught me how to transform my stress into strength instead of letting my overwhelm lead to complete burn out. I've been there and survived that. I now count as blessings those "gifts" I couldn't appreciate before because they arrived wrapped in sandpaper. It wasn't always this easy to reach for healthy coping skills, and believe me I've had my share of days in the past when I "pulled up the covers and called in sick" - with low self confidence and poor communication skills, I isolated myself behind a wall of perfectionism, emotional eating, looking to others for validation, and trying to please everyone else at the expense of my own well being.

I've heard it said that "we teach best what we need to learn ourselves", and I feel this truth is what fuels my passion to make a difference in the lives of the women I serve through my Coaching practice. The comment that I hear expressed most often by clients and workshop participants is "I thought I was the only one struggling to keep it all together!" I am always delighted to see the air of competition melt into warm collaboration as women recognize we are not so different in our challenges. This     experience of synergy seems to be summed up by one of my favorite quotes..."You have to do it by yourself, And you can't do it alone." by Martin Ritte. We are so much stronger as a band of women moving forward together.

If you're a daughter, mother, professional, or stay-at-home mom, there will always be an endless and growing list of things that need your attention. We have the choice to place stress on ourselves to "get it all done" while pleasing everyone at once, or we can reach for tools that help us avoid overwhelm and eventual burn out.

My intention is to help you recognize the symptoms of overwhelm and burn out, and offer you practical action tools to help you "bounce back into balance" when you find yourself under pressure.

Ready? Let's get started!

Overwhelm is experienced when the focus is on "too much"... Too much on the to-do list, too many bases to possibly cover, too much expected of us from others, and a frantic use of time and energy to juggle all the demands we're facing. Some of you are already experiencing this. Only when we acknowledge this overwhelm, and take steps to move back into balance, can we avoid the flames of burn out.

Burn out is experienced when the focus is on "not enough"...Not enough resources, not enough help, not enough money, not enough time... leading to when you simply don't have enough energy to even care anymore. This is a dangerous place to be, and is damaging to our health, sanity, the quality of our work and close relationships. We've all heard someone say "I feel fried to a crisp". Some of you may find yourselves standing at the edge of burn out right now.

Use these Practical Action tools to reduce overwhelm and bounce back into balance

1. Cut yourself some slack! Accept yourself and where you are with compassion. Instead of beating yourself up when you are struggling, celebrate the awareness that you can do better... A great action tool of mine is to say the Serenity Prayer: "God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to Change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." Listen for clues and then take inspired action. Trust and have faith that a power greater than yourself sees the big picture, and knows how all the things you are experiencing will come together for your highest good in time. There is always divine guidance available if we allow ourselves to be still enough to listen.

2. Build in rest and renewal into your schedule. Treat this appointment with yourself as if you would any other commitment. It's important to write it down in your personal and family calendar. Otherwise, when will you find the time to do this? When the dishes are done, the laundry is folded, the bathrooms are cleaned, and things are "caught up"? Personally, I find this approach never works, because things are never completely caught up around my house. There is always more to do before things are completely done, and then the window of opportunity closes, leaving me still feeling exhausted and frustrated! Doing what relaxes you, like spending time with family and friends, hobbies that bring you joy, or soaking up the beauty in nature helps us be more effective, keeps our minds clear, and leads to better problem solving . I love the way Life Coach Cheryl Richardson explains why it is so important to take extremely good care of ourselves: "By taking care of ourselves, we can better care for those around us. When we do this, we begin to care more about others and we become more available to our family, our friends, and our community. Our availability to be of service to the world is directly related to our ability to be of service to ourselves."

3. Focus on progress not perfection. Adjust expectations and embrace changes in plans and outcomes from what you thought was best. Take small steps, make small changes, and celebrate small achievements - over time you'll see a big difference in how you feel throughout even the craziest of days! Let's adopt a more flexible approach instead of expecting ourselves to be perfect! How about shifting our expectation from perfect to being happy with progress? What a relief to give ourselves permission to realize we are perfect in our imperfection. We are already good enough!

4. Manage your energy by setting personal boundaries. Often we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but it is possible to learn to say No and deliver it with Grace and Resolve. By saying No to what you can't do, you show up for what you can do! You will get more of what you focus on... The Law of attraction states that where attention goes, energy flows... Practice Gratitude for what wonderful things are in your life already, and don't give your best attention to what is lacking. Think abundance and you will find it renews positive energy.

5. Embrace Life's Challenges... The winds and the rain will always come, that is part of life. Through tough times we have the chance build resilience. Will we give up when the wind howls or resolve to grow stronger? It's not whether we will face hard challenges in life. It's a matter of which ones we will be called to face, and when. The added gift of building our resilience is that our children learn how to handle adversity from watching our example.

In closing, please be patient as you begin putting these tools into practice, and enjoy the best rewards of the journey by sharing it with others. There will be days where you know you could have done better to stay balanced. When this happens, remember this inspiring quote by Mary Anne Radmacher: "Courage does not always roar, Sometimes courage is the quiet voice At the end of the day Saying "I will try again tomorrow".

Here's a toast to bouncing back!

Christina