Click Here: Black Men's Xchange-New York Survey 

At last week's Xchange Brothers considered our relationship to the consumption of adult entertainment from the following perspectives:  

 

    

  Usher Richbanks  

 

 

 What is your relationship to pornography?  

 

{Facilitator says, "I've watched porn for years and have had a love/hate relationship with it...I've traded it with family and friends...discussed it...[Asking] "Can you imagine a scene between Ty Jones and Bobby Blake?...Slim Thug and Castro?"...[But] any time you put the word industry on something, it takes on a whole other context...Where there is money, there is apt to be exploitation...and Black people are frequently the most exploited...Here are some stats I collected in preparation for this dialogue...[Reading] 'Every second, $3,000 is spent...28,000 viewers are watching internet porn...372 internet users are doing searches...There are 4.2 million porn sites...Video sales and rentals total $3.6 billion...Cable & Pay Per View total $2 billion...$13 billion are spent on porn in the U.S. each year'...As Black men, where do we fit into that [consumption scheme?"]...}

UR:  "I started stripping at seventeen...I was in the foster care system...I aged out...got emancipated...I thought...I got a nice body...I'm gonna' capitalize on it...People approached me about private dances and it typically turned out to be an escort situation...I was invited to a porn awards ceremony...I'd been seeing someone...We had just broken up...I was depressed...So, when they asked me to do a movie...I was like, phuck it [why not?]...I used to make $1,200 a week dancing...Now the dancing game is wack...[Now] I'm doing a fashion show and getting paid...Fashion is a new direction for me...When I was seventeen, I went to Paris and danced in the Place Pigalle...[When the Producer invited me to do my first film] I didn't read the contract like I should...I just trusted him...After each exclusive contract, you have to work with them for another year...You got me living here..."

{Facilitator 2 asks, "Where is 'here?'...Will you share some context? ..."}

{Facilitator says, "It's a warehouse...Dorm-style...where the cameras are on all the time..."}

 

UR:  "When you get there, it's weird...You don't really know these boys... [The directors] pair you up...At night they turn up the heat so you'll take off your clothes...[Starting] At seven [PM], you have to walk around in your draws...When my grandmother died, [the producer] fronted me money and then, whenever it was time for him to pay me for work, he'd say...I already paid you...He would fine the boys...for drinking beer on camera...for anything...I was a dorm father, so he would try to get me to fine the boys...He catches these boys at the worst possible times [in their lives]...He pays people like $250 a week for like five shows a week...This is a White guy...and the actors are Black guys...The way he would speak to you was very disrespectful..."

{Facilitator says, "It reminds me of my family in South Carolina who were sharecroppers and who, at the end of the season would owe the owners for living there and working...[The question for us is] How do [I] weigh [my] sexual appetite and pleasure...There's nothing wrong with pleasure...against what I now know is going on inside the industry?..."}

 

"I enjoy porn a lot...It allows me to take my mind places I never thought possible...I actually watched your work earlier this afternoon...I've incorporated things [I saw in films] in my sex life..."

"Thank you for being direct and plain...I don't like porn...It never interested me...I like real sex...To me it was just an act...My partner likes looking at porn and I go in the other room and make a phone call..."

"I love porn...I used to just like straight porn...I've actually always wanted to be in porn...I've done some nude modeling...[It's especially fun when] you put on some porn with your boy and smack your meat...They want to make you pay to register your porn name...So, I'm waiting..."

 

"I like porn...I buy porn in the store, on the net...On my Blackberry, I had porn as my screensaver...I've tried some things [I've seen] with partners...I'm not shocked about what you've shared...I've heard rumors about the industry...You've confirmed some of the things I've heard...Thank you..."

"I didn't watch porn until I was twenty-two...the age I am now...[Until recently] It didn't mean anything to me...Somewhere something happened...something clicked...[and now]...Every time I watch, I can ejaculate three or four times..."

{Facilitator 2 sighs, "Aaah...twenty-two...The question becomes...Now that we've some insight into the circumstances under which the actors we're getting off on are operating under, might that change our relationship to the event?...Also, how, if at all, does our consumption of adult entertainment affect our capacity for intimacy?...For example...Here's something we typically do when we take up topics about relationships, but, just as an exercise, let's do it now...How many among us are in committed, monogamous relationships?..."}  A few hands go up {Facilitator 2 asks, "And, how many of us would like to be in committed monogamous relationships?..."}  Many more hands are raised  {Facilitator 2 asks, "How many of those of us who want to be in committed intimate relationships watch porn with any regularity?...}  An almost identical number of hands go up  {Facilitator 2 says, "An important consideration here might be, to what extent might our consumption of porn, and/or escorts, etcetera factor into our capacity...even our willingness to get up and go out and engage in the quest for the relationships we say we want?..."}

 

{Facilitator says, "Another question is, for the people who didn't raise their hands in response to the question about wanting a committed relationship...Do [you] watch porn?..."}  Most who answered that they weren't interested in monogamous relationships raise their hands in acknowledgement of their watching porn   

 

{Facilitator 2 says, "Now, not everybody wants, or is even cut out to be in a relationship, but,  to what extent might our consumption of porn factor into our desire, or lack of desire to partner?..."}

 

"I like porn...occasionally...I wonder, how do you know the difference between appreciation and addiction?..."

 

{Facilitator says, "I will defer to the room on this one, but I think addiction is when you begin to make choices that are not healthy in order to support your consumption of [whatever it is you're addicted to]..."}

 

"If you're not dating...intimacy...an interruption in the natural flow of intimacy...I've hired escorts because I've wanted to have absolute control...I was in a strip club on Wednesday...[Looking at the teaser question] Have you ever paid for it?...[An important consideration is] not just monetarily, but socially?...there are [film production companies] like Co Co Dorm which are bareback only...We are watching people destroy their lives...If I'm paying for Co Co Dorm, I'm empowering the exploiter..."

 

{Facilitator 2 says, "From what I understand of addiction, one definition is... When one's consumption of whatever the stimulus is, regularly distracts one from or disrupts one's management of their priorities..."}  

 

 

How "real" is the action on screen?  What's really going on?

{Facilitator asks, "Are there drugs involved?"..."}

 

UR: "All of my stuff was definitely real [not acting]...The boys are not allowed to drink alcohol or do drugs...That doesn't mean they don't do it...Some use Viagra...I'm about my time...Three positions...Let's do it, [and be done with it]..."

 

 "I enjoy porn where the actors are savoring what they're doing...Where it's clear that they're in the throes of ecstasy...have surrendered themselves to their partners...are experiencing wild abandon...Otherwise, I'm like...phuck outta' here..."
"For me, as viewer...it's just like watching a [regular] movie [except] hopefully, there's a nut in the end..."

 

"For me, if I see a dick going in an asshole, it's real......I like it where people are kissing first...Regarding dating a porn star...I'm not into having an open relationship...When I'm having an intimate relationship with someone, I hope I'm the only one [who's having sex with him]..."

 

[To UR] "In this industry, does everybody know each other's [HIV] status?..."

 

UR:  "I came with my papers [showing my status]...They're supposed to check everybody's status...I know they've not necessarily known everybody's status...I only work with a condom...The phucked up thing is [raw sex] is where the [big] money is..."

 

"When I was an undergrad...I took a course in porn...I remember, back in the early days of porn..."The Devil in Miss Jones"...there used to be story lines...Good porn taught about sex and sexuality and bad porn just got you up and left you hanging..."

 

{Facilitator says, "I started out watching straight porn and the acting was so bad, I couldn't take it...In some films the men inject their dicks with novocaine to keep them up...I love porn...I'm a connoisseur...[The question for me is, in my sex life] Am I trying to emulate something that's not real, or enjoy someone I'm with?...Does my lust have a chance of becoming love?..."}

 

 

 

Does male adult entertainment lead to sexual objectification of men?

 

UR:  "One of my worst fears is being alone...But finding someone who can be alright with a porn star...I'm intelligent...I'm a good guy...I'm also a bitch...How can anyone deal with [all of that?]...You can't date somebody who doesn't want you to do what you do..."

 

{Facilitator 2 says, "There are likely men who are secure and grounded enough in who they are and what they do to be able to find you loveable and not be threatened by what you do..."}

 

"The adult entertainment industry is a [legitimate] industry...The only difference between it and my industry, theatre and film, is that we have unions to protect us..."

 

"I like porn a lot...I went to this party and I was bored to death...We were watching this movie...Two White guys...It wasn't doing anything for me...And then they put on another movie...Some Black guys...And then we went upstairs and that's when the party really started...I could watch porn twenty-four hours a day, but I don't have the time...When Jett talked about the numbers, I wondered...How can we get a part of the action?..."

 

"The addiction...[The problem is being] on the consumption end of capitalism rather than the [production side]...Hyper masculinity comes from porn...[We are all] influenced...There's no room for the feminine...'Bitchy' is [seen as] feminine, and we're taught [to dismiss that]...We see capitalism as negative...It's neutral...It's how we use it [that makes it what it is]...90% of the  instructional [sex] market is White...There are no videos showing Black men engaged in intimate sex...We are not seen in those terms..."

 

{Facilitator says, "A theologian, Dr. Carey Jackson said, "If you can control people spiritually and sexually, you control them completely"...[So, the challenge is] unlearning the ways we have been bound..."}

 

{Facilitator 2 says, "That's a powerful proposal...That, if you can control people spiritually...I think of Christianity because, it was among the devices used to maintain our enslavement...and, you can control people sexually...We didn't own our bodies as enslaved people...you control them completely...So, the question again becomes, in our consumption of adult entertainment [today], to what extent are our lives being controlled by external forces?...And now, for the insider's look at the industry Usher has shared with us, we understand that many of the people we engage with, either [through their images] on the screen or as escorts, or strippers, or trade, or dancers, are not engaging with us because they want to, but rather because they in desperate straights...So, as we masturbate to their images, or hire them or watch them dance, [in many instances] we're getting off on other people's misery...Now, we're all grown-assed men and able to make choices about our lives, but, whether on a psychic, physical or spiritual level, what are the ramifications of this engagement for us as we quest to be balanced, healthy, self-loving men..."}

 

UR:  "I've only worked for one company...You're only gonna' fool me once...If you're gonna' pay me to phuck somebody I would phuck for free? [part of me feels like why not?]...[But] If I could go back [and do it all over again] I probably wouldn't have done it [gone into porn]...I promoted safe sex...It was dangerous...People with drugs...Somebody tried to slip me a mickey...He could have killed me...I was in a gay group home...A lot of the people who were in the group home with me are not around [any more]...There was no actual structure...Our families didn't want us...At eighteen, it was Happy Birthday and here's your pass to Covenant House [youth shelter]...A lot of us fell into prostitution and porn as a means of survival..."

 

{Facilitator says, "[In talking with SGL Brothers working in the industry] As I got to know their stories, and hear their humanity, [I knew we had to create space for this interfacing]...When I partake of the adult entertainment industry...I've used escorts, and I buy porn...[But, engaging with them on a human level]... changed my thinking...I still engage in porn, but differently..."}

   

 

 

Have you ever been approached to "do a shoot" or "be an escort?

 

[To UR] "What options were you working with?...How did you [come to] choose porn as a career?..."

 

UR:  "Options were slim...I had this man who tipped me...[a steady stream of] twenties in my sock...He basically paid my rent  for two years, and never touched me...He told me he wanted me to go to school...But, I couldn't see going to school..."

 

"I have been approached to be an escort and a prostitute...and I find it demeaning...So, I couldn't bring myself to do it..."

 

UR:  "There's a difference between an escort and a prostitute...A prostitute will do whatever you want for [little money]...An escort operates within [stricter parameters]..."

 

[To UR] "What happens [during filming] if someone isn't clean?..."

 

UR:  If you're a bottom, and you know you're about to get dug out on screen... a courtesy douche [is called for]...I've seen many guys get shitty deals...The most highly paid [porn actors] are Whites...they do some disgusting shit...During a trip to Germany...There were three of us...The only three Black performers there...And, we had to have sex in front of 5,000 people..."

 

 

In what, if any, way does our engagement (as consumers or providers) of adult entertainment impact us?  

 

"It impacts us the same way watching a singer who's doped up [like] Amy Winehouse [does]... When we Western people take out our fear...our anxiety out in sex [people get exploited]...We need to legalize prostitution so that there are protections in place..."

 

{Facilitator asks, "Is the culture driving the industry, or is our sexual expression driving the industry?..."}

 

"[In pondering this equation] I was thinking of a circle, with me on one side, the performers on the other side and the producer in the middle making money from both of us...With one of my students [who was starting to hustle for survival] we had to have 'Escorting 101'...I sat him down and told him, 'You can't be high...You have to get paid up front'...Here's how it all affects us...He intentionally got HIV so he could get HASA [government subsidization for PWLAs]...so that he could have [regular] food and housing...Within capitalism, we are all selling our lives for those resources...The trick is to be on the side of capitalism where you reap the profits...If you nut off of a video where people are phucking bareback, you're getting off on someone's destruction...What happens to a people who are being taught to eat each other?...To consume each other?...Every human being goes through periods when they are vulnerable...We have to make decisions in our lives about what we do...We know that the industry [exploits people]...It's a tool...It's all in how you use the tool..."

 

"I have used a lot of porn over a lot of years...And in putting that aside I had to reflect on how, when I engage in porn, and I get with somebody and it's like...Well, his dick isn't like...Or, his belly isn't like...I feel like [the porn] is disconnecting me [from what's real]...I've been attempting to masturbate without porn...And, it's a really spiritual thing...The level of fantasy has been so Hyped up for me that it's gotten hard for me to enjoy people...It got to be an addiction because I  would fast forward through the scenes and say, like...I want that one...And, I want that one...And it was like chasing a high..."

 

{Facilitator says, "Look at all the men in this room...[Ask yourself] 'Do I find beauty in you?...In your body?...In your being?'...Particularly as many, if not most of us profess to want committed intimate relationships...What might we inadvertently be overlooking all around us?..."}