Last time the Black Men's Xchange focused on the shortage of avowedly same gender loving celebrities from the following perspectives:

For years we whispered about Will Smith, L.L. Cool J, Eddie Murphy, Luther Vandross, Queen Latifah, and Nick Ashford: What will it take for us to be able to stop whispering?

"Queen Latifah is not the person that you see...When you talk about celebrities, you're talking about business entities...They're representing so much more than themselves...[In Hollywood] We've always known who each other were, and we've always had a wink [system of acknowledgement]..."

"When I decided to embrace my attraction to other men, I discovered it was a process...It takes time..."

"What I know about her [Latifah] is that she lives her life pretty authentically..."

"Why did we leave Tyler Perry off this list?..."

{Facilitator says, "Unless we've slept with them, or know them personally, all the celebs we've listed are conjecture, so, Tyler can be here too..."}

"[The reason we speculate about celebrities' homosexuality] could just be people's having an interest in having their tribe increased..."

"Some of these people are not even out with their families...[so, what makes us think they would or should be out with the public?]...How many people here are out with their families?..."

All but a few people raise their hands...

 "I don't really care who's in or out...My brother's a Hollywood actor, and he used to go to these parties [at which there were lots of DL celebs] and he would never take me because he would say, I would tell everybody...He was wrong, I wouldn't have...[But] He's out in Hollywood in that DL way..."

{Facilitator says, "He's 'out in that DL way' sounds oxymoronic, no?..."}

"No...Everybody in Hollywood knows the community...[There's a tacit understanding and agreement that homosexuals are permitted their privacy]..." 

"The people in Hollywood who hurt the SGL community most are those who lie about their sexuality...Like Tyler Perry talking about having been molested...and saying it made him feel this, or do that...but not acknowledging his sexuality...Donnie Mc Clurkin standing in the pulpit [condemning] homosexuals... Kirk Franklin going on Oprah talking about [how] he was addicted to porn, but not saying what kind of porn it was..."

"One of the big questions we're talking about or talking around is, 'What's at stake here?'...One of the things that AIDS did [was inspire the slogan] 'Silence = Death'...If these images have power and have force...the idea of whether someone is gay or straight...[We should weigh the potential benefit to the community of their acknowledging their sexuality]...I have a nephew who went on line and [wrote] "I'm gay and I take it up the ass"...I didn't want to tell him on the phone, that's not the way to affirm your sexuality...I have to wait until I see him...All over the country there are SGL kids who kill themselves because they don't know it's okay to be who they are...If you're a public figure, you're being manipulated, as are other people [who look up to the public figure]...In my neighborhood I've had an egg thrown at me...Actually, that's a hate crime...Because people have been given to believe that I don't matter...That, I'm not worthy of respect..."

{Facilitator says, "That question is key...'What's at stake here?'...We anticipated drawing a sizeable crowd for this topic because...for good, or ill...the potential voyeurism and the gossip are contagious...But, for our purposes, beyond those considerations,  the question of what's at stake is vital to our becoming self-determined...And, there's risk involved...Just as our acknowledging our sexuality to our families involved risk...When the stakes entail careers and wealth and fame, and the machinery of Hollywood or the music industry, the stakes are heightened exponentially..."}

"I don't come out at work...I am an Emergency Room physician...I have to manage a large staff under life and death conditions...They have to respect me at all times...I cannot come out because I work in the public..."

{Facilitator says, "For my part, I don't think in terms of 'coming out,' but rather, I've found that as I respect myself...my whole self...including my sexuality...and regard my sexuality as a gift...and part of the gift that I am...wherever I am...I tend naturally to command the respect of others...even people who might otherwise tend to be disrespectful..."}

"I know motion pictures and theatre...I've worked in the industry since '68, and came out in '69...Everybody knew that Rock Hudson and Jim Neighbors were going out for years...Everybody in Hollywood knows [who's homosexual] ...There are agents who protect them and put them with women...Back in the day they would even conceal the fact that some [heterosexual] stars were married...I did a film in '77 called Minstrel Man...And I wound up on the cover of some magazines, and was invited to give out an award at an awards show...I was married to a man...We got married at the Metropolitan Community Church in Hollywood in '76...My agent found an actress to go to the ceremony with me...My husband was sitting in the back of the theatre, and the girl was at my side...And, it ruined my relationship...and I quit...I said, 'That's it!'...I couldn't pass..."

{Facilitator says, "[You mean you couldn't pass] as heterosexual?"}

"Yes..."

{Facilitator says, "Thank you...You're a trail blazer... a pioneer...Thank you...As you say, there is a long tradition in Hollywood and the music industry in which part of agents' and managers' jobs were maintaining secrecy around the homosexuality of their homosexual clients...and back in the days of the Hollywood studio system, elaborate ruses were crafted and maintained for the life span of actors' careers...And while someone like Elton John is so rich, he could come out as a Martian [and be unscathed]...Something has happened that so many film and music stars have acknowledged their sexuality...[After all] There [really] is a gay mafia...Remember what happened to Isaiah Washington when he dissed that Knight guy?...How is it that we haven't evolved a same gender loving mafia?..."}

"[We don't have a sense of] Entitlement..."

What, if any, connection might there be between Black people's relationship to manhood and our reluctance to embrace our sexual diversity?

"BMX can serve a purpose that may be greater than me...I heard you when you spoke of why you feel it's important for you to [keep your sexuality secret]...You were born and people took care of you when you could not do for yourself...When you walk into my life and you make things go right, you are a light...Doctor, if my life was saved by someone who was gay, I would know that actually, gay people do things good as well [as hetero people]...You are a force of light that is glowing...I hope, before it's over you get to a place where you can say, I've done well, this thing I've done for so many years [and I am worthy of respect for my contribution]...[The same goes for] The Tyler Perrys and the Donnie Mc Clurkins...If I have a light in me...A talent...And I let people know I am SGL, I become an ambassador..."

"I outed myself on my job...I work in a warehouse, where men are [hypermasculine]...There was this guy [who] I couldn't stand...I had had sex with a guy who'd left a hickey on my neck the night before, and when I was in the locker room with this guy the next day, he made a remark about what I must have done to the girl who gave me the mark, and I said, 'What makes you so sure it was a girl?'...Since then, they've stopped with the fag jokes because I went to management and told them I don't like it..."

What is the Black community's attitude toward homosexuality now?

"Something we haven't spent enough time talking about is same gender loving entitlement...It's about unlearning lies...I think it's wrong that there are no SGL celebs present...I think it's important to see Black on Black love...We are participating in a mutually accepted delusion...We are participating in a lie...My mother is dying...My mother and I love each other...but we couldn't stand each other [when I was growing up]...The church  told her it [homosexuality] was an abomination...And she abused me...Now, she's on her death bed and the church is nowhere to be found...One of the reasons White gays are in the position they are is because they have entitlement consciousness...We are people who are in the Black family who should be loved and respected!...and, we won't be until we stand up [for ourselves]...Will and Jada are not helping...They're building a Scientology school, and nothing for the people who made them who they are..."

How do we inspire the Black family's supporting us in our sexuality?

"You can take an elephant and put a chain on his leg to keep him going beyond a certain line...And if you keep the chain on him for long enough, when you take the chain off, he still won't move past that line...He'll think the chain is still on him...[The same applies to us]...We need to take the chains off our minds..."

{Facilitator says, "That process is called Learned Helplessness...and it very much applies here, when we think in terms of what's at stake, and what may be preventing us from taking the kinds of risks necessary to move past the line most of us have observed for so long..."}

"Being here for the past five years has had a tremendous impact on every layer of my life...I would not be where I am...Not that I'm rich and powerful...But, I'm doing well...For me, everybody here is doing the work of becoming a stronger leader...I don't know if that is part of the mission of the organization, but I see it happening...I am present now wherever I go and I know that I am entitled to be who I am because of what you're doing here...and I think it needs to be said..."

"If my co-worker can talk about the pussy he fucked, I can talk about the ass I fucked..."

Cheers...

If the answer is not in 'outing' our celebrities, then how do we support our celebs coming in to the community?

"When you are able to make the cause to come from your true self, there are effects that come from that...Some we're conscious of, some we're not...[If] Patience and tolerance is all we want for our being...We may have to ask, is that enough?...You may not see the result of your putting a cap on [putting blinders on in the face of disrespect]...[But] You're getting some residue from not being able to be your full self...There are two [forces] on the planet...love and fear...I cannot tell you the suffering I experienced as a little kid for not being able to share my same gender lovingness...They [my family] would say they loved me...and I kept saying [to myself] 'How can they love me?...They don't know me!'...[One day] When I was seventeen, I was down in the basement with a friend of mine who I messed around with...My father came down and caught us and I thought the world was ending...My friend was older, and I let my father think he had made me participate [in the sex]...My father picked up the phone and was calling his parents...And I said..."Don't call...He didn't make me do it...I've been doing this"...I was just tired of the lies, and the gaming and the girlfriends...Some I liked..." Laughter...  "But, everything changed in that moment...I stood on those steps at seventeen and I was reborn for days after...I couldn't believe how light I felt...[I felt like] I was alive [for the first time]...So, I'm going to not participate in the salvation of my people because of a paycheck?...No, we have to make choices about [who we are and what we're doing here]..."

{Facilitator says, "In your moment of truth with your father, you realized that what was at stake for you was [either] continuing to suffer as you had all your life, lying and playing games and having people you loved not really know you, or risking being known...For those of us who raised our hands when asked who among us are present in our sexuality with our families, we've already taken the first step on the way to creating a community where it's safe for all of us to be fully who we are...As we muster the courage to risk being present in other areas of our lives, step by step, we get stronger and stronger...And, as we gain more and more respect for ourselves [for having taken the risks]...before you know it, enough of us will be present and strong enough to support our celebrities feeling safe to be who they are too..."}