Monday Morning Mojo

Dealing with Apathetics and Cynics

An apathetic is someone who lacks concern, interest, or enthusiasm. A cynic is someone who has lost their ability to act on behalf of aspirations or the collective good. Both of these are potentially damaging to initiatives to build new capacity. They require special handling.

dont leave alone

Often these are simply people who have been operating in a toxic environment and their destructive behavior has become their coping mechanism of choice. Occasionally, by extending the opportunity to contribute and have positive impact, you can energize and revitalize them. I always try this first before taking action to quash their impact.

Four Techniques for Re-engaging Difficult People
1.    Tell them you want to understand their point of view and listen well. Simply communicating your desire to understand where they are coming from often diffuses negative emotions.

2.    Make a strong attempt to hear them out. Their story is always valid from their point of view. Put effort into understanding how they came to their position. Suspend your assumptions, and work to put yourself in their shoes. (For research on the usefulness of this technique, see Bridging the Partisan Divide: Self-Affirmation Reduces Ideological Closed-Mindedness and Inflexibility in Negotiation, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2007, Vol. 93, No. 3)

3.    Ask them how you can work together and offer suggestions yourself. Initiate a collaborative approach, and offer your best thinking as a place to start. Be quick to follow their lead.

4.    Be honest about where there is disagreement. Once you have engaged them, do not sacrifice your goals and intentions. Instead, in the spirit of honesty, make clear where you part paths.

Each of these strategies is aimed toward diffusing emotional antagonism or battling indifference. Success includes turning these people into constructive detractors; i.e., those who do not support your efforts but will engage with you in a supportive manner.

But, suppose you have done all of this and they still write you off or are out to get you? What then? If they are subordinates, you can relieve them of their work. But, what if that is not a possibility?

Five Options for Working with Toxic and Unredeemable People
difficult person

1.    Go around them. Seek support from their peers. Build an alliance across their social network, and go through others to influence or neutralize their behavior.

2.    Go over them. Address the issues with their superiors. Once you win support, explore how to minimize the risk associated with them.

3.    Go under them. Establish working relationships with their subordinates. This is risky for the subordinates, so you must offer them protection—perhaps anonymity or otherwise shield them from harm.

4.    Wall them off. Isolate them from their points of influence. Do this by identifying their partners—those they work with to generate negative impact for your program—and engage each of them.

5.     Go through them. At every engagement, show up prepared to do judo: take their assaults and turn the force toward your objectives.

Using Judo
I once met with a department director who was dead set against the change work my client was leading. He claimed the effort was counter to the mission of the organization. After a short conversation, it became apparent that he saw no role for himself in the future if our effort was successful. I asked him to participate in some of our strategy sessions and raise the mission issue with an eye to how he could personally ensure that we were consistent with the organization’s mission.

By inviting him in, I hoped to draw on his energy and focus it on our goal. He refused to participate. But several of his subordinates who were present for our encounter jumped in, offered helpful suggestions, and became advocates. His attacks on us soon faded away altogether. I call this “judo” because I did not push against his force but instead used it toward constructive ends.

In all cases, be aware that your actions are visible to many people, and the way you run your program makes one of the most powerful statements in support of your eventual success. Do your best to engage the difficult. You will win some over. Regardless, continue to work strategically without hostile intent and take corrective action with those who do not engage. As a result, you will garner respect and support from many observers.

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