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Wasatch Family Therapy - RelationTIPS
There Are No Perfect Families!
January 2009
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In This Issue...
Tips to Simplify Your Life!
4 Good Reasons to Join a Group
WFT Welcomes Sara Bannon
Relationship Quote
Increasing Female Sexual Response

New Year's Resolution: Simplify Your Life!
Julie A. Hanks, LCSW
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Most people say they want to simplify their lives because they feel like they have lost
control of their time. They want to have more time to do the things they want to do,
both at work and at home. Every few weeks, there is another newspaper or magazine
story about how people feel that they aren't spending their time on things they enjoy.
A recent poll, for example, found that 65% of people are spending their free time doing
things they'd rather not do. Isn't that amazing? It's great if you have created a full
and interesting life for yourself, but how frustrating if you don't have the time to enjoy it!
 
The 80/20 Principle
The 80/20 Principle, first stated by Vilfredo Pareto in 1897, says that 20% of our effort
produces 80% of the results. This means that a small number of resources are highly
productive-and a large number (80%) are not very productive at all. Here are a few
examples:
  20% of the things in your house are used 80% of the time.
  80% of the things in your house are used 20% of the time.
  20% of your activities give you 80% of your satisfaction.
  20% of the stocks in an investor's portfolio produce 80% of the results.
  20% of the books in a bookstore account for 80% of the sales.
The challenge is to identify those few vital items that produce the greatest value for you.
Focus on the activities that result in satisfaction, such as money, better health, or more
free time. At the same time, identify those many trivial items that don't lead to things
like satisfaction, money, better health, or more free time. These unprofitable activities are
taking up 80% of your time. Doesn't it make sense to deemphasize them in favor of the
vital 20%?

Making Time Takes Time
The first challenge to simplifying your life is that it takes an investment of time. If you want to discover how to make time for the things you enjoy, you have to examine how you are spending your time now. If you keep living your life the same way you always have, it will stay complicated. For some, the excuse, "I can't slow down because everything is important," is a way to avoid seeing what they don't want to see: a relationship that is no longer fulfilling, a job that no longer satisfies, an emotional distance that has emerged between them and their family members. Some people keep their lives going at a furious pace to avoid seeing what they don't want to see.

If you really do want to simplify your life, you will make the time. You don't have to do
anything radical; in fact, it is best to start small. Set aside just 30 minutes each day for
a month. During that time, think about a simple question: What are the elements that
contribute to my life feeling so complicated? Make a list of the factors in your private
journal and write about them. Begin to think about what can be changed or eliminated.
Finding this time is not as impossible as it may seem at first. Maybe you can leave work
30 minutes early for a month and use the extra time for this exploration, possibly at home.
Perhaps you can take the train instead of driving, or give up your exercise time for one
month, or turn off the television during the evening news and write in your journal
instead. Set aside 30 minutes a day for one month, ask yourself some important questions, and be prepared to learn some remarkable things about yourself.

Fewer Responsibilities
You may think that this sounds too simple. Most people who seek to simplify their lives
think that the answer is to get more help. But this probably won't help. In fact, if you
hire someone to help you get more done, you will actually have added another complication to your life rather than making it simpler. You probably don't need more help; you probably need fewer responsibilities.

Learn to Say No
If you want a simpler life, you must learn to say no. In Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to
Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter, author Elaine St. James says that
people get into trouble because they agree to do things they really don't have time to do.
This leads to a constant state of being overcommitted and frustrated. Our culture makes
it difficult for us to say no to requests to attend extra meetings, dinner engagements, or
to take on new responsibilities. Many of us feel obligated to always be participating at a
high level. We are proud of our high productivity and involvement, but it comes with a
high price: a complicated life that leaves to time for you. St. James suggests that you
actually schedule time for yourself on your calendar at the beginning of every month;
when you are invited to participate in something, turn down the request because you
already have a commitment.

Clear Away Clutter
Get rid of things you don't use. Think of all the stuff you have acquired in the past five
or 10 years. Most of it is designed to make life simpler, but in fact most of it brings along
its own set of complications. Think of what typically happens when you buy a new
electronic gadget: Consider all of the time required to earn the money to pay for it, shop
for it, buy it, set it up, learn how to use it, fix the unexpected problems it causes with
another gadget, and then the time you spend actually using it. Most of us have rooms
in our houses filled with stuff that seemed like a good idea at the time, but ends up
sitting on a shelf or in a drawer, unused. St. James suggests that you go through your
house once each year and get rid of everything you haven't used during the previous year.

She also has an idea for not acquiring new stuff in the first place. She suggests a
technique called the 30-Day List. When you start thinking that you must have a
certain product, add it to your 30-Day List and wait. At the end of 30 days, ask yourself
if you really still need it. Chances are, you will have lost your enthusiasm for the
product and will cross it off the list.
4 Good Reason To Join a Therapy Group
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1) Groups are a cost effective form of therapy - $50 per 90 minute session.
2) Groups provide a living "laboratory" to try out new behaviors and get feedback from others.
3) Vicarious learning often occurs when others share their stories.
4) It's comforting to know that you are not alone!

Therapy Groups Offerred at Wasatch:
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Women's Group 
Mondays 6-7:30pm
Men's Group 
Mondays 7:30-9pm
Teen Group 
Wednesdays 6-7:30pm
Women's Sexual Abuse Group 
Thursdays 7-8:30pm
Women's Group: Does your spouse struggle with Pornography?  
Wednesday 4-5:30pm (twice monthly)
Cultivating Sexual Desire in Marriage Workshop
Wednesday 4-5:30pm (twice monthly)
 
To join a group call Amber at (801) 944-4555 x4 or EMAIL US
Wasatch Welcomes Sara Bannon, MSW, CSW  
Child, Adolescent, Adult, and Family Therapy
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A graduate from the University of Utah School of Social Work, Sara brings her passion
for helping children and families to Wasatch Familiy Therapy. Sara is seeing clients EVENINGS and SATURDAYS to better accomodate the schedules of school age children and full-time working adults. She bring excellent experience, passion for helping families, and a warm personality and we are excited to have Sara
join our team!
Relationship Quote of the Month
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Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  "Pooh!" he whispered.  "Yes, Piglet?"  "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's  paw.   "I just wanted to be sure of you." 
~A.A. Milne
Home Team Highlight - Increasing Female Sexual Response
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Happy Couple
 
Watch Video Clip of 8 T's of Female Sexual Response
A fulfilling sexual life is an important part of marital satifaction and overal phsycial
and emotional health. Guest Laura M. Brotherson, Intimacy Educator & Author of
"And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment" talked
with Julie Hanks, LCSW about ways that couples can improve female sexual response:
  1. Thoughts
  2. Tenderness
  3. Teasing
  4. Talk
  5. Touch
  6. Technique
  7. Transcendence
  8. Time

To learn more about Laura M. Brotherson visit strengtheningmarriage.com 

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