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| As part of our vision to help families with “The 'Most Funnest' Way to Explore Life's Lessons!”, Life’s Building Blocks has created a free resource to guide parents through some of the challenges that we all face. We’ve asked our character and child development experts to provide current and applicable advice that every parent can use. We hope you find the information useful and will share it with others who can benefit as well. |
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by R. Rubel |
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I often hear parents ask:
Developing character is not a simple matter. Our character is the sum of all of our virtues, and two of those virtues are Honesty and Integrity – the two you have specifically asked about. The writings and research about character development have not changed fundamentally in 2500 years. Even with all the modern studies, the fundamentals remain the same.
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These fundamentals are:
| 1. Virtues of our character have to be practiced. |
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- If we practice being courageous, we will become courageous.
- If we practice being honest, we will become honest.
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| 2. If we practice these (good) virtues, they will eventually become part of our natural response (without even thinking about it) - just like we practice the piano or soccer. |
| 3. But we also have to understand the virtue (cognitively and even intellectually). |
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- For example kids need to understand that honesty leads to trust – and if people don’t trust you they will not believe you -- ever.
- Kids need to actually think about their virtues and even be asked, “Did I demonstrate that virtue today?”
- Parents can set up reward systems to help praise and reward a child for demonstrating each key virtue.
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| 4. Finally, and most importantly, we the adult, need to hold our children to a high moral standard. If they lie, we need to correct that behavior immediately. Failure to correct that behavior will send the signal to the child that the behavior was permissible. The minute we send the child that moral signal, we have lowered the moral standard. This is more than just being consistent; this is being consistent at a high moral level of accountability. |
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If you have any questions for the Professor email me at: |
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We all make moral decisions throughout the day, but rarely think about, “Why did I just decide what I did?” If someone challenges us by asking why we made the decision we made, we will have to think about, “What was the basis of my decision?” And if we do take the time to think about the “basis” of our moral decision, we may learn something about ourselves. This self-understanding is the beginning of self improvement. For example, our younger children often make moral decisions solely based on reward and punishment. That may work for the short-term, but how will the child make decisions when the parent is not there to reward or punish them? So, eventually, we want our children to make decisions based on principles that will guide their lives.
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| One of the tools that will help you in this improvement of our children’s moral reasoning is the board game “What Would Zaki do?” This game, which is fun in its own right, is based around a number of moral dilemmas. These dilemmas are difficult and often involve “right vs. right” or “wrong vs. wrong”. (In other words, there may not be a clear right answer). The developmental benefit of this comes when the player (kids or adults) have to choose an answer (A or B) from the dilemma and them explain to the other players “WHY” they picked that choice. When they explain their choice and their reason, an extraordinary thing happens. They are beginning to go to that deeper level of understanding their own moral reasoning. For the adult or parent, this creates a “teachable moment”. This is a chance to ask deeper questions about “why?” and “what were you thinking?” in a calm setting. This also permits the child to experience deeper self understanding. It’s important not to judge their answer, but just to (lovingly) challenge their reasoning. |
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"Last night was very informative on your product and I am happy to report to you, that my 9 year old was very excited about the material. Matter of fact, I had to ask her to stop reading the book because it was getting too late! I plan to play the board game with her tonight."
"Thank you again for the help and I would like to congratulate and commend you on your new product that helps facilitate such great teachings."
Kind regards,
Nakia L.
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If you would like to share your thoughts, please email us at:
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by Dr. Tony Doran |
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Have a question for Dr. D? Please send it to:
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Many kids will surprise you with their answers on why parents and adults have rules "…so kids don't cheat at games!" "…so that no one gets hurt and people are safe." These are great answers!
Hunters, soldiers, hikers, and campers use a compass to tell them which way is north. When they know what direction north is, hopefully they can then use the terrain and land features to tell them which way they are headed or which way they want to go.
Some parents seem to have lost their compass. Why do we have rules? In what direction do we want our children to go? Is it so that they are safe and no one gets hurt? Of course this is one of the reasons that we have rules, but there is a deeper or greater reason for having rules.
True north for parents…the reason all parents have rules and one of the biggest tips for parents…is so that their children will grow up to be ladies and gentlemen. It seems so simple but that is the secret to parenting in a nutshell. You can apply "true north" to almost any situation!
"Do gentlemen jump on the furniture?"
"Do ladies call other people names?"
"If a gentleman makes a promise what should he do?"
"Does a gentleman ever touch anyone without asking permission first?"
"Is a young gentlemen ever left alone with a young lady?"
Depending on your culture, religion, or background…you as a parent can modify these questions.
"Is it nice for a Christian lady to call her brother names?"
You get the idea!
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When I was becoming a psychologist, one of my professors remarked that children would be referred to hospitals and clinics generally when the child was having trouble with one of a number of developmental milestones. Briefly, here are some milestones of childhood development.
| Age |
Hurdle |
| 12-14 months |
Walking |
| 12-18 months |
Up to 50 words |
| 2 years |
More than 200 words |
| 6 to 7 years |
Learning to read |
| 9 to 11 years |
Reading to learn (comprehension) |
| 14 years |
Semi-independent learning |
| 18 years |
Independent learning |
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Usually parents do a great job learning about the first several years of life, up to age two or three. Your children are growing physically and mentally all the way up to age twenty-one. Some great must-have resources for the parents are a few books on development and parenting such as:
- Ages and Stages: A Parent's Guide to Normal Childhood Development (Paperback) by Charles E. Schaefer (Author), Theresa Foy DiGeronimo (Author)
- Your Child: Emotional, Behavioral, and Cognitive Development from Birth through Preadolescence (Paperback) by AACAP(Author), David Pruitt (Author)
- Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. MacKenzie
- Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems (Positive Discipline Library) (Paperback) by Jane Ed.D. Nelsen (Author), Lynn Lott (Author), H. Stephen Glenn (Author)
Look for our next newsletter when we examine why positive parenting and knowledge of development are helpful tools in raising a child. |
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