Do you ever get angry? I have to admit over the last several days I have sat down to write on this topic several times, and each time I would begin only to be stalled or giving up altogether. Anger is something that I don't feel very often.  Maybe in fleeting glimpses at various times throughout the week I may get momentarily angry but for the most part I feel I go through life without getting angry over too much.

However, recently I became extremely angry over a situation and I've been trying to figure out why it bothered me so much.  And then this morning while I was meditating, it came to me.  I was angry because I had no control over another person's actions.

Someone cuts you off on the highway and you get angry because you believe they should be more considerate.  Someone says something that offends you and you feel that people should be more thoughtful or kind.  Or, someone behaves in an irresponsible manner and there's nothing you can do to change their course of action. You get frustrated and angry because you can see the mistake they're making, but yet you are powerless to do anything about it.

Anger is often not so much about what they do, as it is about what you can't do.  The amazing thing is there's usually two parts to being angry.  The first part is you get angry at a circumstance or a person because you have no control over them or their actions.  And often the second part is you get angry at yourself for being angry.  This is where the real damage comes in. Getting momentarily angry at a person or situation is only the reaction you experience when life does not occur according to your beliefs. In that case you either have to accept that you cannot change it, or recognize what you can change and then do it. However, the second part of the equation is the anger you hold on to.  This is the resentment and anger at yourself for being angry.

Patience and understanding can take a lifelong to learn but sometimes it's only when we recognize that we hold on to our anger, and the only person we are hurting, is ourselves.  Sustained anger increases your blood pressure, causes tension in your body, distorts your thinking, and is depressing. But what can you do about it?

I often use a little prayer called the serenity prayer. I'll paraphrase it, "God give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know there's a difference."  Saying it is a good beginning, yet doing it is even better! Recognize there are things that can't be changed, and often it's other people.  Everyone has a right to make their own decisions even if you don't like the decisions they make.  Sometimes we can try to influence others by attempting to show them, or tell them our point of view. But then you have to let it go.  You can live only one life at a time, and their life is not yours.

Secondly, if you really want to improve the world and the people in it, start with yourself. As Gandhi stated, "become the change you want to see in the world."  Go for a walk and dispel the stress, reduce the blood pressure, or maybe talk to someone to get the thoughts out, knowing that sharing your struggles with others lightens the burden.

So.... I think I will go out for a walk, make a phone call to a friend and come back to do some writing.  After all, maybe the person I have to work on today, is me.

Be well,

John