"Life happens."   And does it!  When life throws you a curve do you face it, handle it, and come back stronger than you were before?  If you are anything like me, I sometimes find myself saying, "But how do I do that?", feeling overwhelmed by the enormity and intensity of the things life throws my way.  So what's the secret, the formula, or the magical dust you can ask your favorite fairy godmother to shower you with that allows you to go on; while others cave in like the roof of the Minnesota football stadium? 

There are likely as many answers as there are questions about daily survival, but I'll sum it up in four words, "become a human being".  (And before someone writes me telling me that "a" doesn't really count, I beg to differ.  After all, it's the small stuff we need to pay attention to!) 

If you are like most folks, the first thing you do when something or someone rocks your life, is to: #1 hold your breath; and #2 go immediately into that bad neighborhood..., your head.  This neighborhood is where you begin to (as Albert Ellis's  is quoted) "awfulize!"  You hyperventilate or hold your breath, and begin to think of all of the worse case scenarios that might never happen.  At the same time you try with everything you have not to feel the discomfort that comes with the awful events or frightening news. 

When you do this,  you pull away from the reality of the  moment in a frantic search for escape and denial.  No matter what you do, your life happens.  It is up to you to decide how to interpret what is happening!  Isn't that what life is, a series of events, of which the accumulation is called your life?  Like it or not, it's happening.

So what can you do to become more of a human being and less of a human doing?  Connecting is where we start, but we often forget to stay connected to one of the most important people in our life; ourselves.  This is the part when some may say, "I'm not the most important person in my life, everyone else is!"  If you don't see yourself as important how will anyone else?  You need to see yourself as important.  When you take care of yourself, you can better care for others.  You will never suffer or be sick enough to make anyone else feel better, but forget to care for yourself and you may not be around long enough to make a difference!

Caring for yourself is staying connected to you.  Holding your breath is a common startle reaction.  Watch a baby react to a loud noise.  The first thing they do is hold their breath, then they start crying.  When you hold your breath, you are often trying to control the feelings that are trying to gush to the surface, and you want to keep them inside.  Breathing is life.  We share each other's breath when we are in any closed space.  When we stop breathing, we cease to exist.  Working with a friend of mine in Bermuda, she would often call or email me with a crisis and the first thing I'd tell her is to just keep breathing.   Breathing centers you and keeps you connected by bringing you to life. 

When you focus on each breath, you begin to connect with yourself and the force of life within you.  As you concentrate on your breath, even in the midst of bad things happening, you will find you can think, feel and keep breathing.  Isn't that an improvement over holding your breath, passing out, or becoming the master (or mistress) or disaster?  Whenever you feel tense or fearful, focus on your slow gentile breath.  It is amazing what happens when you concentrate on your breath.  You can't disappear into your thoughts.  By connecting to you, you step into the life you are living, and begin to live more through everything you see, feel, hear, taste, and smell.  Take a big breath, and live!

Be well,

John