News from Kriger Consulting

Do you have heroes? One of the heroes in my life was my Uncle Kenny. A man of small stature and large ideas, he was extremely gregarious in his younger days. In his older years he would tell me stories of his youth, often sharing his life through stories to teach and prevent me from replicating many of the mistakes he had made. In spite of his honest sharing, I found myself often traveling many of the same paths and in like manner, receiving many of the same repercussions. However, as I continued to grow and learn, I was able to see the stories he told as extremely valuable lessons. I remember one story in particular that he was fond of telling.

One evening, shortly after finishing high school, he had borrowed his father's car and gone out with some friends for the evening. As was his custom they would dance and drink, which he was quite often fond of doing. My Uncle was known for his partying ways, as well as his ability to maintain a party for a loooooong time. On this particular evening, he reportedly remembers coming home and parking the car in the barn before going to bed. In the morning his father woke him and asked him to accompany him to the barn since he had a few questions he wanted answered. As they approached the large, dark wooden barn his father took hold of the door with both hands and slowly pulled back the large creaking door. There, sitting in that large cavernous space was a black Model A Ford; with corn stalks sticking out of every conceivable nook and cranny. "Well Kenneth" his father asked, "Can you explain how this happened?" Sheepishly my Uncle explained that he did not exactly recall how the corn stalks got there, but he did know that he had a great time that evening. I have a feeling neither of them was satisfied with his answer.

So the question I have for you is: How many of us go about our lives and then to bed each night forgetting or unaware of the "cornstalks" we have collected during the day that remain clinging to us? Are we aware that we get up each morning only to continue to carry the prior days experiences into our next day, next week, month and our lives? What exactly are the cornstalks of our lives? As an outsider working with individuals and their organizations, I have the amazing opportunity to see with "fresh eyes" the many habits and traits taken on over time. And most often we are totally unaware of them, and yet how easily it is to see them in others. This could be as simple as the contagious attitudes we pick up from our friends or family, or the gradual weight we put on in spite of our talking about the importance of physical activity. It could be the behaviors, or language we take on that runs contrary to our intentions.

It's not uncommon to hear employees say they are there to help clients, yet they treat each other with disrespect and suspicion, appear impatient in their interactions, unkind in their meetings, and disregard the feeling of others. It is such an obvious contradiction, yet so easily overlooked. When we open the barn door, we often fail to see the cornstalks sticking out from every nook and cranny. So how can we avoid this dilemma?

First, try asking others to help you identify them when they first appear. There are opportunities on a daily basis to ask your family and friends to provide you honest feedback. It is however, then vital to listen. Often, the first thing that happens when people tell us the truth is we tend to deny it. If you ask for the truth, be willing to listen to it. Most people don't tell the truth because they are afraid of the repercussions they will get from being honest. If you're not willing to hear the truth from your friends and family, join a group, go to counseling, or seek therapy. I think anyone working with others should engage in some type of self-help and/or periodic self-reflection. It balances our lives and offsets the negative influences and dysfunction we experience in our interactions.

As I listened to an old recording by Norman Vincent Peal, he stated, "I am one of the most difficult people I ever had to deal with." I don't know about you, but I can certainly relate. I often find myself resisting the truth of the "corn stalks" in my own life that others can so readily identify. So, like you, I guess I need to go back to the barn and open the doors to see what else is there to be cleaned out. And since I can't afford for these negative habits and traits to sprout and grow on me, I better get started!

Be well,