Keeping Score?
Keith Ferrazzi in Never Eat Alone says it very simply "...first you have to stop keeping score."
And BNI says it in even fewer words. "Givers Gain."
Both messages, in my experience are exactly correct. In networking, you can't worry about whether you are getting back exactly what you are giving. And if you are in BNI or another networking group that tracks referrals, you can't worry about whether a referral "counts."
Why?
Because you can't ever know where your next referral is going to come from. Let's take a couple of examples.
Let's say you are in BNI, or another close contact networking group. Perhaps you have an excellent relationship with a business attorney, and that business attorney, for whatever reason, is not a part of your group. Nor is there another business attorney in your group. And your client needs the services of that attorney. What do you do? Easy. You make the referral. So what if you can't count it in your group? You look good with your client because you met their need. You have the gratitude of your attorney contact because you just gave them a solid referral. And all that can come back to you in ways you can't even imagine right now. Perhaps your client is so impressed that he or she gives you a referral. Or repeat business. Or just talks about you to a vendor, who then needs your services. You just don't know. But if you don't pass the referral because it "doesn't count" then you are missing those potential opportunities.
Okay, that one may sound too obvious. You may think, "I'd never not pass a referral just because the person isn't in my networking group." Fair enough. But I've seen people goof up the next example many, many times. Heck, I've even come close to falling into this trap myself...
Let's keep picking on that poor business attorney. Lots of your clients need an attorney's services. (May not say much about your clients, but well...) So you keep referring your attorney. And he keeps doing a good job. And he's really happy that you are sending him all that business. And one day you realize something. Your attorney has never sent a referral back! And you start to wonder, "What's up with that? I send him all this business, but he never gives anything back!" So you think about not referring him anymore until he gives back to you. Makes sense, right?
Wrong!
The good part about networking is that you never know where your next referral is going to come from. And the bad part about networking is that you never know where your next referral is going to come from. Sometimes you just have to keep referring and take it on faith that it will come back to you. Some people will never refer you directly. Maybe they are in the wrong kind of business to refer to you. Or they already have an existing relationship that prevents them from referring you. Or you haven't explained well enough what kind of referral you are looking for.
But if you stop referring, you will miss out on opportunities. As long as referring someone makes you look good with your clients and your network, keep doing it. The rewards will come. Of course, you can always take your attorney to lunch and discuss the situation. Maybe he didn't understand. Maybe he can't. But you owe it to the relationship to have the conversation. And if he's still the best at what he does, you owe it to your network to still refer him.
Because it will come back to you. You may not know when or how, but it will come back. Have faith in that. No referral that works out can ever do anything but help you.
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