So say behaviorists, we all record scripts between birth and age ten. There's little doubt about this if we're to believe the scientific community. From history's greatest heroes to legendary recidivists, much of our behavior is "taped" from messages handed to us by parents, siblings, teachers and peers during our formative years. At about twelve, it's mostly play-back from the recesses of our mind. From the unseen, unheard recordings of our subconscious, flow endless possibilities.

For some, negative messages mean a replay of self-doubt and endowed failure. For others, life unfolds in spite of destructive childhood influence. For example Winston Churchill's father repeatedly abused his spirit with critical loathing while his mother entertained a libertine existence that held little time or devotion to young Winston. Obviously he met that adversity with an indomitable spirit and relentless resolve to become the man of the century. Others, who seemingly rise from prominence and privileged line, lead a life of disappointment walking a road stained with failure. Suffice to say, one way or another, what we learn at a very early time endows the script for the rest of our lives.

All of this may explain a common script found in the professional arena once described by Harriet Braiker as The Disease to Please. It manifests in well-meaning human beings mistaking approval for results. Much of their time is spent seeking the ultimate "atta-boy, atta-girl." If you find yourself dutifully seeking approval through meeting the needs of others you may be a candidate. Most of us are "carriers" of this most American of behaviors; the desire to please. Yet like most behaviors taken too far, we're running from crimes never committed, wasting time and energy trying to attain an elusive pat on the back lying just out of reach.

It's altogether possible the disease to please comes from being a sensitive child picking up cues from hard-charging successful parents. In those early years kids reach a subconscious conclusion which whispers "in order to be successful or recognized, I must necessarily please the people around me." Its only when this script is transcendent of the will to excel or try hard that personal development is arrested. The balance of personal growth gets sidetracked by a never-ending need to gain the gold star of approval. Thus we may confuse acceptance for results in our job, our leadership, and certainly our parenting. Decisive leaders in any field of conflict inherently learn that we may need to displease someone in order to accomplish a higher outcome. Knowing when to rise above the need to please for the greater need to triumph can spell the difference between a life spent in the shadows of self-doubt, and the peace of mind that only comes from doing "what's required."

The problem with altering any behavior lies in the fact these embedded patterns come from our subconscious and are never readily reviewable like an NFL replay. Instead, it may be a good idea to regularly check within, asking ourselves "Am I doing this to please someone, or because it's the right thing to do, no matter how difficult?"