Back to school is crazy for most families.  When a military family throws in a deployment or a posting, we face even bigger craziness. As a former teacher of military children and a parent of my own mil kids, I've picked up a few tricks of the trade.  Here are some things to keep in mind as you prepare your mil kid to head back to school.

Gather all necessary documents.  If your child is attending a new school, call or check the school's website to find out what paperwork is required for registration.  This might include the child's birth certificate, social security number, current immunizations, physical exam report, proof of residence, and report cards from previous schools.  Create separate folders of documents for each child.  And make sure the movers don't pack these folders if you're moving!

Have at least 2 emergency contacts.  If they're the same as the previous year, make sure all contact information is current.  If one of them is moving, find a fill-in.  If you just moved and you don't know anyone in your new location, this is the time to knock on your neighbors' doors and introduce yourself, especially to those who also have children.  Ask if they would be willing to stand in as one of your emergency contacts, and offer to be theirs in return.  You can always replace these contacts down the road as you make other friends.

Start new routines at home early.  Don't wait until the first day of school to set the alarm and expect your children to jump out of bed with cheerful first-day-of-school attitudes.  As the summer winds down, start inching bedtimes a little closer to what they should be during the school year and start practicing those morning routines so you don't figure out on the first day that it takes you longer to get out the door than you expected.

Start new routines at school early.  Visit your child's school and take a tour during the summer so the first day isn't so intimidating.  Attend the Open House before school starts.  If your child is riding the school bus, fight the temptation to drive him yourself and have him at the bus stop the first day.  If you walk a younger child to her classroom, don't linger.  Trust me, teachers expect crying children on the first day.

Inform teachers about special circumstances and encourage communication. Teachers need to know about any family situations that may affect students academically, emotionally, or behaviorally.  Let the teacher know (in advance, if possible) about things like deployments, homecomings, divorces, and PCS moves, as well as behavioral patterns you may have noticed in the past that she should look for.  Just as you intend to communicate changes at home, encourage teachers to communicate any changes they notice in your child in the classroom.

Educate the educators about military life.  Last year, I had a student who has leukemia.  I knew nothing about the disease until the parents requested a meeting with me and gave me a packet of information detailing everything from her treatment to her prognosis.  They even wrote a book that I read to the other students to help them understand as well.  The parents' efforts helped me to better understand their child, and I was able to be a better teacher to her.

Just as I knew nothing about leukemia, most teachers know nothing about military families, especially if you don't live in a military town.  If military life is affecting your child in a way you think might carry over into the classroom, offer teachers insight into our lifestyle.  Print out articles or blog posts you've read that describe military life (or write your own!) and refer them to resources like Sesame Street for Military Families and Military Kids Connect.(* and local MFRC!) 

Smile!  Back to school may be a stressful time, but it's also a special time.  Every new school year is a milestone.  There's a reason we all take those first day of school photos of our children on the front porch with their backpacks and fresh haircuts.  And if you're smiling, maybe you'll get your kids to smile for those pictures too.

What other back to school tips work for you?

Family members can be chatty but not always about things that are important to them.  When you ask about their day you will often get a one word answer that really doesn't begin to describe the reality of their day.  Happy families tend to get past the chit chat and regularly talk about what is bothering them, important, stressful, etc.   

This is easier said than done and particularly when you are in a military family and much of their military lives often needs to be secretive - for your safety, theirs and their colleagues.  Playing "Did You Know" during dinner,  using conversation cards or challenge cards is a great way to learn more about each other and talk about things that go beyond the weather, how work was and the odd grunt.  

Conversation Cards - They are cards intended to start conversations with your family and ask questions in a random way with some element of chance so no one feels unfairly targeted.  They ask everything from "What was the thing you missed the most?" to "What is something you want to accomplish in the next month?".

Click HERE for sample cards.

Challenge Cards - In the kitchen (in a bowl) put a bunch of cards with different challenges on it.  Each day everyone in the family pulls a card.  You can also pull one for the absent family member and send them an email with their daily challenge.  The challenges can be anything from tell a family member you love them to spend the entire day saying only positive things or ask someone for help.  If they completed the challenge there could be some sort of reward.  One family tried this and put a $1 in a jar every time a challenge was completed and then used the money when their family member got back to go and and do something challenging together (they bungee jumped!!!).

Every time my husband comes home from an absence - whether it be one month or nine - I am astounded by how much things change while he is gone. Babies get bigger. Children learn new skills. I discover new strength within myself that I previously could not even fathom.

Time does not hold still during military absence. Change is inevitable. That's why reintegration is so hard. Because when s/he comes home they expect things to have waited on them. But things couldn't. And I expect him to fall right into sync with where we are. But he can't.

We both want everything to be the same as it was. But it isn't.

Solution? We both need to expect and welcome change. That's why a quote in this month's Real Simple jumped at me.

"The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there." - L.P. Hartley.

Instead of longing for how we felt, acted and lived in the past -  before deployment, before the "new normal," we must view the past as a foreign land.

We are in the now. Now is a different place. Now is a brave new world. And it's OK for it to be different. It's OK for there to be change.