I am woman. Watch me use this fancy pants power tool to put screws in stuff... all by myself.

Let's go ahead and admit it: when most of us got married a major benefit - whether spoken or unacknowledged - was the knowledge that we would never have to learn how to use power tools. Or kill giant alien bugs. Or fix plumbing. Or install appliances. Or mow stuff.

Of course in our newlywed bliss we forgot one critical thing: we married military men, and military men leave.

For our family, the toughest part of the deployments was when my husband got back. It wasn't because we weren't happy to see each other (we were) or that he hadn't been missed (he had been very missed) but almost everything had changed - we had changed, routines had changed, likes and dislikes were different, and he had changed and had experienced things we couldn't understand, and vise versa. We were impatient with each other and most of all ourselves.  There were big gaps to fill, some changes to be made (once again), and somethings couldn't go back to the way they were before. This made our relationship and our family life challenging for longer than I would have expected.

Being patient with others sometimes is much easier than with yourself. We can often forgive others for things we have never considered forgiving ourselves for. When your family member comes home it is once again another change, and adjustments need to be made and it can test your patience and frustrate you like nothing else. Many families think that it should just easily flip back to the way things once were, but that's not usually the case. You have learned things about yourself, discovered different ways of doing things, and had experiences that you have not shared.  You need to be patient with yourself first and foremost, and this will help you to be more patient with others too.

• When you are angry, frustrated or annoyed with yourself - ask "Would I be this way if it was someone else?"   
• Take time each day for yourself, to be honest with yourself and how you are feeling, and forgive yourself if they are not the nicest of thoughts (we all have them).
• Don't respond to people or demands immediately - let them know a time frame in which you will get back to them and then take at least a few minutes to think about whether or not it is something you want to do, need to do, or could say 'no' to.    
• Before you even get up in the morning tell yourself that it is okay if you make mistakes, get frustrated, angry or annoyed - you are human and everyone feels these things.   
• Be patient with your family, they are going through the changes too and feel many of the same things you do (even our youngest family members or pets can really struggle with changes in routines).    
• Teach your family to be patient by talking about what tests your patience, your reactions, and how you are learning to be patient with yourself (talk the talk and walk the talk).   
• Each day think of one thing you wish you could have done differently or hadn't done at all, and forgive yourself.

I had no idea what OPSEC (OP = Operational and SEC=Security) was when my husband did his first deployment.  Not that I posted anything questionable, but I probably would have without knowing that it wasn't a good idea.  With technology and social networking today it is easier than ever to get information about you, your family, your job, interests, etc., and to have people without your knowledge, reading and collecting your information.  It is important, whether you are experiencing a deployment, training, moves, or military life in general, that you don't post information that could compromise the safety of you or your loved ones.

• Do not post on internet, share with others, or write about any and all operational information.    
• Do not provide people with the time, place, or name of the operation.   
• Do not share specific locations of where your service member is.   
• Do not provide information about spouses, email, Facebook accounts or full names to anyone outside of your group (they may want them for kind or valid reasons but then they may, unknowingly, provide them to others and so on). 
• Do not identify rank or full names of service members.

The general rule is, 'If you aren't sure, don't post it'.