Relationships are the key to everything else in our lives.  Who we are, what we like and whether we prefer warm pancakes in the morning to cold pizza, striped socks to plain, or beach trips to ski vacations has much to do with how we were raised, who we've met along the way, and what we've changed since then.
 All of us have voices and experiences from our past that stream through us.  We remember the smell of our grade schools, the flush of our first crush, what our first trip to the ocean was like, and what it was to be rejected.  This medley of images, scents, conversations, and perceptions make-up how we meet the world today.  Those experiences don't actually exist anymore.  In fact, the moment that happened just before this one is gone. Yet, we, as temporal beings, continue to weave stories about ourselves and our lives made-up of how we reconstruct our past. What we attend to and focus on grows and attracts similar memories and experiences - forward and backward - and what we release and surrender fades or undergoes transformation.
 As parents we help our children in the creation of their stories.  These are the underlying themes and internalized messages that guide their lives. We give them the words that reverberate about who they are.  They'll replay our cheers when they remember riding a two-wheeler, solo, and they'll replay our encouragement when dusting themselves off from dashed dreams. These moments, when recounted, are played and woven into longer, larger tapestries about who they are. From our mantras, they learn, "I'm a capable person" or "I'm a caring friend," or "I'm a dedicated student."
 Teachable moments and seized opportunities often provide the means. Perhaps on their birthdays, we recall their birth stories -- whether they came into the world screaming and kicking, or wide-eyed and peaceful.  Or after a full school day, we might notice their brows furrowed, or their cherub faces turned into scowls, and we question what happened and learn of their squabble with a classmate. Noticing and listening also gives us an opportunity to share our wisdom earned from the decades of our own schools of learning. Audibly recounting to relatives their victories also helps them to know how proud we are of them for the values they carry.  What we pay attention to, how we interpret it, and what we reinforce matters.
Parenting with awareness and intentionality is the magic key that opens possibilities. When we set a credo by which we intend to raise our children - while having compassion for ourselves when set-backs occur - we give form to our intentions.  Some credos might go something like this: 1) I intend to raise my children with loving compassion and appropriate limits, boundaries and structure; 2) I intend to look for what is unique to their character and bolster that, while encouraging each family member to do the same; 3) I intend to model my values through speech and action.  Each family's credo would be appropriate to them and include highlights rather than every "if-but" clause.
  When creating a nurturing environment, regardless of the specifics of the credo, it helps us to use positive language, which is much more potent than negative words of what to avoid. "Use your listening ears" is better than "stop talking." And "find a way to pace the homework project" is better than "stop goofing around."  Just as "Separate!" is better than "Stop Fighting!" Children benefit from hearing positive messages of what they are supposed to do.  Similarly, as the child matures, talking with him about ways to manage challenges - proactively --  equips him with feelings of self-efficacy to meet the set-backs, temporary road blocks and other hurdles that add so much texture to who he is.
 Nurturing their special talents and proclivities also is edifying.  Children enjoy having their unique interests and talents highlighted.  Finding special events and activities, such as an astronomy club, that fits with one child's interests, while bringing the other to a skating rink, can be rewarding. It says "You matter. I care and this is fun."
 And what they remember of us and of their childhood will depend on who they become. We might not remember what our sister or brother remembers - or we remember it differently - and we might have vastly different symbols of interpretation.  Perhaps we might think of ourselves as "flexible," like a reed that gently bends and flows in a storm, while seeing an older sibling as the Oak that rigidly stands firm and snaps. While they might think of us as too "wishy-washy" and capitulating to the storm, while they, the tall Oak, stand tall and stead fast. The words we conjure, the images that emerge and the feelings that fill us, come as an  expression of ourselves.
 As our children live and grow, how do we want them to think of themselves?  Where might they need softening and what might they need solidified. As we seek to meet their needs, while honoring their individual temperaments and proclivities, what do we see.  It is in that wisdom of the heart that we seek to guide them as parents.
 Every family uniquely finds what works in weaving a rich texture of emotional fabric that nurtures resilience, builds intimacy, fosters support, and generates joy among family members.  Many of these things happen spontaneously in the moment when we create the environment for them.