Q: I get so stressed out as a parent. There's never enough time for everything and when I get overwhelmed, I yell a lot. I love my kids and don't want to do that. Help!

A. It's easy to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect parents, and when we don't live up to our own expectations, our disappointment creates more frustration.

To manage the stress of the never-ending list of things to do, make sure to care for the caregiver: get adequate rest, nutrition, exercise, and some personal time.

Like a car needs fuel, we also have to fill up to meet our needs. Often parents make sure everyone else's needs are met and then try to run on empty themselves.

Making a plan to meet your needs regularly helps you to be a more effective, loving parent.

To make time to do that, some suggestions include:

· Budget your time wisely. The first step is to figure out how you currently spend your time. Write down your actual time use and rank it according to how important that activity is to you. There are free tools for time management on the Internet, such as an activity log on www.mindtools.com. When you look at your time log, you may be able to see areas that can be streamlined or prioritized to allow you to do more things that you consider more important.

· Make a list of all of the things you would like to do and enjoy doing. Think of things that nurture or energize you, such as reading a good book, visiting with a friend, or taking a bubble bath, and write them all down. Then, when your child is napping or with a caregiver, choose from these things you listed and do them.

· Do the things you enjoy regularly. Hobbies and exercise are important for your mental and emotional health. Parents will sometimes say they feel selfish if they take time for hobbies, but the whole family benefits from living with a parent who has joy for life.

· Make time for important relationships. Spending time with a good friend who you enjoy can re-energize you so you feel better able to cope with everything. Sometimes when you have children, one of the easier ways to do this is to team up with other parents and children for some activities. You might also arrange a trade of time with a partner or other friend to care for the children while the other engages in an activity with another friend.

· Avoid over-scheduling. Limiting the number of activities such as  

classes and play groups can allow some time to relax at home and connect with each other. It also enables families to have "down time" to explore creative things to do or to simply play.

Your feelings may change if you recognize the value of making caring for yourself a priority.

Re-charging allows you to give your best self to the family.