News from The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company

Volume 23 Inspiration and Information for Highly Sensitive People

June 2010

In This Issue

Cliff will be interviewed by Elizabeth Ann Blake on the BlogTalkRadio Podcast.

AIR DATE: Thursday,
June 24, 2010
2:00 PM EST
1:00 PM CST

TOPIC:
Conscientiousness & Perfectionism: Are they strengths or weakness?

Do you find that your HSP conscientiousness & perfectionism work for you or against you? What advantages or challenges do you have? Cliff will take calls from listeners.

CALL-IN NUMBER:
(347) 857-4311

WHERE:You can listen to the interview live or
on demand at the blogtalkradio web site.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without."

~ Confucius

Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity

In my book, I reflect upon my life and provide a unique perspective on the lessons I have learned as a highly sensitive person.

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Dear ,

Summer is here! The flowers are blooming, and I'm outdoors more often. The birth flower of June is the rose. It's a symbol of love, beauty, passion, and perfection. Do you take advantage of the beauty and perfection around you? This doesn't mean just enjoying the great outdoors. It can mean enjoying the beauty and perfection in yourself and others too.

How about looking at yourself, others, and life in general, through "rose" colored glasses? I'm not suggesting that you ignore the realities of life, but rather that you get into the habit of using your HSP power of observation to look for the good in all things. You'll be in a better frame of mind and better equipped to handle anything that comes your way.

Weights

Cliff's Wellness Update
Even though I'm still not feeling up to par, I'm back to my exercise routine at the gym. Lately, I've been overwhelmed with life issues, personal and professional, which are taking a toll on my physical and emotional health. It seems that I've been experiencing the lows, in the highs and lows of life.

As frustrated as I am, I know that "this too shall pass" and that I need to keep moving forward. My intentions are to do the best I can, to not try to be perfect, and to focus on the good around me. I'll continue to participate in activities that build me up, such as my fitness program. Exercise has been proven to decrease depression, anxiety, fatigue, and anger. It also increases mental alertness, vigor, and energy.

Even though I don't always feel motivated to go to the gym, I'm determined to keep it up because I can see how it improves my mood and sense of well-being. What about you? Have you checked in with yourself lately? Are there uplifting activities that you can incorporate into your life?

I'm Proud to be a Perfectionist!

"Absolute perfection is impossible to achieve," you will insist, and of course, you'll be correct. But what is wrong with making an extraordinary effort with every task that you undertake? As a productive force, perfectionism provides the drive to do one's best.

I'm a highly sensitive person and a perfectionist. These characteristics seem to be linked together, and they can both be strengths, as long as they're not taken to the extreme.

I've been a perfectionist all of my life, and I've had a tendency to take it too far. I was perfectionist as a child, and if I made a mistake, I'd feel humiliated and hate myself for it. This unhealthy attitude made me an underachiever throughout my school years.

Another problem of perfectionism is the extension of unrealistic expectations to everyone and everything. This is a terrible burden to carry through life. We expect that everyone will feel and do things the way we do, which is not realistic!

[IMG: Arguing]

Unrealistic expectations will make you miserable. You'll be frustrated that events, social situations, and people, are not the way you want them to be. You'll fight with everyone, especially those close to you, about meaningless things. I'm not saying that you shouldn't expect good things from yourself and others, but that you need to focus on what's important. Choose your "battles" very carefully.

Another characteristic of perfectionism is seeking approval from others before making a decision. It's fine to get advice from others, but not if it's taken to the extreme and keeps you from making a decision.

Having a hard time delegating is another perfectionist trait - a problem that I have. For a long time, I held the false belief that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. This feeling stemmed from many people letting me down, not from my superior attitude. I have finally come to realize, that if I work with a qualified person who has honorable intentions, that person can do a great job.

[IMG: Arms Raised]

On the flip side, there are many good things about being a perfectionist. My perfectionism has helped me take advantage of the strong motivation that pushes me to work hard. It gives me the desire to improve myself. I've learned to manage my perfectionism and to set realistic, short-term goals. Most importantly, I have learned that "good enough is really good enough." I've finally come to realize that although I'm not perfect, I'm a pretty good and capable person. Now that I've learned not to take things to the extreme, I can honestly say that I'm proud to be a perfectionist!

While I sometimes struggle with trying to make things too perfect, I don't allow my perfectionism to keep me from achievement or happiness in my life. I've learned to work through my feelings. For example, one thing I did that I never thought possible was to write a book, Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity. I never thought that I'd finish the book, and its completion was truly a miracle! The whole time I worked on this project, I was riddled with the burden of trying to make the book "too perfect". It was especially difficult because I wrote about my personal life as a highly sensitive person. Although I was concerned what others would think of me, I decided to use my perfectionism to create the best book that I could.

While it's fine to give your best effort and to be conscientious, don't let your perfectionism keep you from finishing something. In moderation, perfectionism can be a very positive thing and serve as a motivating force that helps you create your own miracles.

If you're curious about your degree of perfectionism, you may want to try this free perfectionism test from Discovery Health. This online test evaluates your tendency toward perfectionism and includes a detailed interpretation of the results.

The Power of Doing Something Good

[IMG: Volunteer] If you want to get out of a bad mood, ease your anxiety, or increase your self-esteem, try doing something good. This can include volunteering for a cause that you believe in, paying someone a sincere compliment, or performing a random act of kindness.

Research has shown that both the giver and receiver of a kindly gesture benefit emotionally and physically. Doing a good deed can be a quick fix for the blues, boost your self-esteem, while at the same time, help others.

If you have benefited from this newsletter, my book, Making Sense of Your High Sensitivity, my ebook, Real World Advice Specifically For Highly Sensitive People, the teleconferences, or our products, please tell as many people as possible!

Warmest Regards,

Cliff Harwin
The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company