I recently read an "ask the doctor" article that offered some wise advice. One of the questioners, an 84 year-old man, complained of anxiety problems whenever he read or saw distressing events. He asked for advice on how he could alleviate his angst and desensitize himself.

First, the doctor challenged the reasoning of an octogenarian wanting to change the way he naturally was. He mentioned that his reactions were common, but unless they were disrupting his mental equilibrium or having a major impact on his life, he really shouldn't try to change himself. Instead, it would be better for him to honor his feelings and sensitivities. To do that, he could choose to limit his exposure to distressing events, or if that wasn't possible, then he could find ways to soothe himself afterward.

How many HSPs want to desensitize themselves? The fact of the matter is that you can't. We are who we are. The more we understand ourselves, the better we can appreciate our "spots" and adapt to life's challenges.

• Communication works best when it's open, easy, spontaneous. It should also include active listening.
• Rules and boundaries should be clear and explicit, but also allow for flexibility.
• Individuality, freedom, and personal identity are enhanced by positive self-esteem.
• Enjoy doing things for yourself as well as others.
  
• Strike a balance between giving and receiving.
• Make play, humor, and fun a big priority in your life.
• Don't attempt to "fix" others.
• Don't allow yourself to be controlled by others.
• Let go of the need to "be right".
• Have self-confidence and security in your own worth.
• Handle conflict directly until it's resolved.
• Be open to constructive feedback.
• Understand that the best relationships are always built on trust.
• Don't be afraid to express your needs and feelings.
• When you are involved in a negotiation, be fair to everyone involved.
• Mistakes are acceptable and provide lessons to learn from.
• You grow when you are willing to take risks.
• Believe that meaningful relationships exist.
• Forgive yourself and others.
• Don't feel guilty for taking the time you need to be alone.
• Make personal growth, change, and exploration an important part of your life.
• Take responsibility for your behavior and your own happiness.

Elizabeth Atkinson, a fellow HSP, is a counselor in Greensboro NC. She enjoys helping individuals with concerns around anxiety, depression, trauma, and grief. Along with teaching coping skills, she also helps her clients secure a greater understanding of themselves so that they may experience more meaningful relationships, achieve goals, and find a sense of fulfillment.