·         Be aware of our own negative filters.   When we have a problem with someone else, it is very easy to immediately go to the negative when something happens. We see a behavior or even observe an action  and we find ourselves assuming the negative - even when we rarely know the "whole story."  Next time something happens with our "problem person" - step back and see the situation with fresh eyes.    Perhaps we need to ask the Lord to help us see things from that person's eyes - or better yet - from His eyes.

·         Be clear on our responsibility.    I have a running mantra in my mind with problem people in my life. "This is mine - that is their's."  Remember -we are responsible to people - but rarely are we responsible for others. When we take on burdens that were never meant for us - we can be weighed down by a lot of negative energy and anxiety.  What we are responsible for is our own choices, attitudes, and actions. Other people are responsible for their own choices, attitudes, and actions.  Problems occur when we confuse the two.   One of the best books on this topic is entitled "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

·        Be the Solution.   Next time you are complaining about your problem person, ask yourself - what percentage of the time am I venting and complaining vs. spending time on finding the solution?  Sometimes we've made no room for creative problem solving because we have expended valuable energy and time on complaining about the problem. One of the best ways that I have found that I can "be the solution" - is to better understand the person that I'm having trouble with.