Assertive Communication

One of the most transformational classes that I am privileged to teach is my 2-day assertive communication class. Assertiveness is not rude but rather, a direct, honest, and appropriate expression of one's own thoughts and feelings and opinions.  Participants learn how freeing it is to say what they mean which in turn enhances mutual respect and leads to "unclouded" communication.  Regardless of whether you are a manager or staff member, these skills will increase your ability to engage in communication that respects others as well as yourself:

Be clear on what you want - Many people aren't assertive because they are not clear on what they want or need.  Some people have not given themselves permission to express a want or need for fear of getting it ignored.  Assertiveness all starts with choice - and the first choice you can make is to decide to be assertive - regardless if anyone approves of you or not.  Start with baby steps and at the next staff meeting, share an idea or opinion.  If you are a manager, step more into your authority by asserting yourself with your staff members.  Make the choice today to start living your life free from other people's expectations.   

Review your beliefs -Many people aren't assertive because they feel they don't have anything of value to say. What beliefs are keeping you from asserting yourself?  The belief that you don't matter? That your opinion doesn't count?   Choose instead, these beliefs that support assertiveness:  I matter. My opinion counts.  What I say matters. 

Develop a support community - When people attempt to change ingrained habits that have been a part of their life, they need support.  One of the best ways you can create support for your staff is to sponsor learning events that help people learn in community.  After your staff completes the assertiveness class,  consider sponsoring lunch-and-learn sessions so that people can share best practices and success stories.   Rick Warren's latest book, Better Together: What on Earth Are We Here For? points out that the word "support" means "lend strength to."  How appropriate since this is exactly what these learning events and communities can provide for each other!  Another way you can provide support is to take a look at how your systems are aligned with the principles of direct, honest communication. Is feedback a part of your culture? How are decisions being communicated to your staff?  Are staff members being told the truth during their evaluation meetings? Do people have an incentive to change to a more assertive style?