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SEX: The Honeymoon and Beyond
ADVICE FROM A SEX THERAPIST
As a board certified sexologist and a certified sex therapist, I have seen a lot of couples over the years for marriage therapy. Most of them seem surprised when they realize that they have to work hard on the erotic side of the relationship to keep it alive and sexy. Most believe that if they have a good marriage the sex will take care of itself.
It doesn't.
In my 20 years of couples therapy practice I have found that partners can get along well and be good roommates, but still have a frustrating sex life. And this can be risky. Couples who are not having good sex are usually more dissatisfied with their relationships and eventually become
discouraged about their future together.
There are several predictable phases that your sex life will pass through in your marriage.
Understanding them can help you work on your sex life and stay erotic for life.
In the beginning of a relationship, during the romantic phase, you each feel a new, exciting attraction for each other. There is still space between the two of you where you can long for each other and this creates a new erotic curiosity. Sex is usually spontaneous and satisfying for both of you.
Once you say "I do" and "I will" you enter into the next phase of your relationship; commitment.
However.....
Read the rest of my article in the Huffington Post here. |
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Intimate Chat with the Love Birds, a Relationship/Sex Radio Talk Show, interviewed Dr. Tammy Nelson about the emotional fallout and recovery for couples after infidelity. Listen to the complete podcast show at this website. |
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We Used to Have A Great Sex Life - Help!
We are both exhausted and too tired for sex and drifting apart, can you help us Dr Tammy? Dear Dr Tammy, My husband works a lot and doesn't get home from work until late in the evenings. I have an office in the house and take care of the kids. At night we are both exhausted and many times fall asleep in front of the TV. We used to have a great sex life. But we seem to be drifting apart. I'm getting resentful, and I worry about our relationship. Thanks for your help,
Desperate in Dallas
Dear Dallas, Many couples can have trouble finding the energy and the enthusiasm to keep up an exciting sex life. Stress, exhaustion, kids, boredom - they can all lead to lack of energy for sex in your relationship. One real solution is to plan a sex date once a week. Carve out a time for sex in your schedule, the same time every week. Is it spontaneous? No - but you can be as spontaneous as you want - if you plan it. Here's how it works:
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Imago Dialogue Process
"Good Clean Love" included a blog entry by Tammy Nelson on relationship communication. Mirroring, validating and empathizing are a type of dialogue developed by Harville Hendrix, the author of Getting the Love You Want, a book about couple's therapy. The dialogue is a structured technique that you can use to talk to each other that helps with communications. This dialogue has worked for thousands of couples around the world. It is a way that may help you to talk about conflict and frustration in your relationship. Read the complete article.
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INTIMACY AND CONNECTION
- A RETREAT IN PARADISE -
MY GIFT TO YOU! If you register by January 1st - you will receive a FREE session during the retreat with me that is focused on you and your partner or for you alone. This is a limited offer that I can only give to a few. For more info go to FREE GIFT.
March 3 - 10th, 2012, come to PARADISE for a chance at intimacy, new connection, or education, relaxation and a great vacation - AND get the love and the sex that you want - or the CE's!
REGISTER today - spots are limited |
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Am I Normal?
Tammy Nelson, PhD in SHAPE Magazine
LOOK for Tammy Nelson PhD in November's SHAPE Magazine talking about
sex. Readers ask questions like, "I'm 30 and never had sex" and, "I'm not as interested in sex as my boyfriend is." Read what Dr Nelson tells readers who ask, "I'm not into oral sex" or, "I've never had an orgasm."
As a board certified sexologist and a certified sex therapist, Dr. Tammy Nelson helps women who ask themselves questions like these, and more, every day. For more info contact her at [email protected]
Read the rest of the article SHAPE MAGAZINE
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Read my article in the Huffington Post:
Affair Proof Your Marriage
Whether you just got married, or you're on your way to your twentieth wedding anniversary, you don't want to think about the possibility that one of you could cheat, right? You're probably thinking: affairs happen to other couples, it won't happen to us. You and your partner have probably even talked about it. Your conversation probably went something like this:
"Oh honey, infidelity only happens to unhappy couples who don't talk, never have sex and aren't as perfect as the two of us, right?"
Wrong.
Affairs happen because of opportunity. Some studies show that almost 45% of all spouses will cheat at some point in their marriage.
Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth," agrees. In her book, she says that "conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair" at some point in their marriage. The numbers today are assumed to be much higher. In fact, there is more opportunity for affairs than ever before due to the accessibility of social networking and the internet.
Janis Abrahms Spring, author of "After the Affair", says that infidelity now affects one out of every 2.7 couples.
Couples who manage to stay true to each other for the long run have a lot of things going for them. Here are my top three:
Click here to read the rest of AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE in the Huffington Post
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 THREE TOP MISTAKES YOU WILL MAKE ON YOUR HONEYMOON
Tammy Nelson PhD in the Huffington Post Your wedding is over; the planning, shopping, spending, arranging, and the big day are now behind you. It's time to celebrate your new marriage, just the two of you. What can go wrong? Actually, a lot can and probably will. Most honeymooners make three common assumptions; and all of them can turn out to be mistaken assumptions. Challenge these before you go and avoid being disappointed on what can be one of the happiest weeks of your life. One: We Will Have Awesome Sex On Our Wedding Night. Actually, less than half of all couples have sex on their wedding night. You will probably both be tired after the big day, and you might fall asleep or prefer a hot bath or shower to wild wedding night lovemaking. The combination of drinking and exhaustion doesn't always make for a fantasy wedding night. Also, an unrealistic expectation that things should be sexually perfect can put a lot of pressure on you both. Don't be disappointed if you fall asleep or if the sex is not as wonderful as you hoped. You have the rest of your lives to create a great sex life. Appreciate your first alone moment as a couple; snuggle in together and the sex will either happen or it will come later. Either way, the wedding night will always be special because it is the first night you spend as husband and wife. For the rest of this article go to THREE MISTAKES by Dr Tammy Nelson in the Huffington Post |
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Sexuality and Couples Therapy
Sexuality issues effect everyone at all ages. For a sex therapy session all you need is you and your partner and an open mind. All couples are welcome including partners who experience problems with boredom, loss of desire, porn, affairs, sexual dysfunction, open marriage, BDSM, and desire discrepancy. If you want different things, this can help. If you want the same thing, this can be a great way to recharge your relationship today. Write to [email protected] for more info.
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Infidelity: How to get past it?
Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus (In the Den with Dr. Jenn) interviewed Tammy Nelson on pressing questions surrounding infidelity. Is there sex after infidelity? How do you move past cheating when it happens? Are animals really monogamous or are we just meant to cheat? For all the details, watch the interview with Dr. Nelson.
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Some people believe that as long as you don't touch each other in real time then it doesn't count as cheating. Is internet sex on a webcam or through a chat room really sex?
In this new millennium, more divorces are being blamed on social networking sites than ever before. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and other sites that encourage social connection are now being blamed for causing real time affairs. Infidelity is now easier and more accessible online. And online affairs may lead to real time affairs more often.
Go here to read the rest of this article.
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Teleseminars - PURCHASE AND LISTEN ANYTIME!
The Return of Desire - Getting the Sex You Want
Presented by Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson
Part 7 (Parts 1 - 6 available as pre-recorded MP3 files)
5 Wednesdays in November & December, 2011
Cost: $250 (Save $50 if paid by October 10)
Approved for 5 AASECT credits
Sexuality issues are a number-one reason both women and men seek relationship counseling. Yet most health professionals lack the training and supervision that enable them to help clients negotiate this complex subject. Tammy Nelson, an internationally known Imago therapist and sexologist, and Gina Ogden,with over three decades as a sex therapist, researcher, and supervisor, combine their expertise in a series of practice-oriented teleseminars that offer comprehensive information about sexual health and sexual desire. They encourage questions among participants, and provide case consultation.
The New Monogamy: Redefining Relationships After Infidelity
Four part teleseminar presented by Dr. Tammy Nelson
11 am EST - Nov 3, 10, 17, Dec 1, 2011
Cost: $175 (if registered by Oct 10, 2011)
Approved for 4 AASECT CEs
Working with couples who have experienced infidelity can be the most challenging form of therapy. Learn direct ways to bring partners into new and deeper levels of commitment and increased sexual and emotional connection after experiences of betrayal and doubt using the proven psychotherapy techniques of Imago Relationship Therapy. This class is appropriate for therapists & health care professionals as well as couples & individuals looking to recover and improve their relationships after infidelity.
Eros & Psychotherapy: Love, Sex, and Power in Relationships Five part teleseminar presented by Dr. Tammy Nelson and Esther Perel
2-3 pm EST - Nov 1, 8, 15, 22, 29, 2011
Cost: $249 ($50 early registration discount if paid by Oct 10)
Approved for 5 AASECT CEs
A new and provocative approach to working with couples using creative interventions for commonly seen emotional and sexual predicaments in treatment. Two of the world's most forward thinkers in the treatment of sexuality and relationships join together again to offer participants the opportunity to heal their own relationships and those of their clients.
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There are many pre-recorded teleseminars available for purchase as MP3 files. Each hour qualifies as 1 AASECT CE credit.
Managing Secrets in Couples & Family Therapy: A Radical Approach
A one-day pre-recorded teleseminar Presented by Dr. Tammy Nelson and Dr. Janis Abrahms
Affairs are all about secrets. How can a therapist treat both the unfaithful and the hurt partner and respect the confidences of each? This workshop will describe an "open secrets policy" - a radical model for helping unfaithful partners resolve their ambivalence about what to disclose, decide whether to recommit to the marriage, and perhaps, to work to rebuild trust and intimacy. Tammy and Janis will draw from their clinical cases to bring these concepts to life.
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Three session teleclass with Dr. Tammy Nelson
Working with couples who have experienced infidelity can be the most challenging form of therapy. Learn direct ways to bring partners into new and deeper levels of commitment and increased sexual and emotional connection after deep experiences of betrayal and doubt using the proven psychotherapy techniques of Imago Relationship Therapy. -----------------------------------------------------
Eros & Psychotherapy:
Releasing Couples from Sex and Intimacy Stalemates Five session teleclass with Esther Perel and Tammy Nelson This teleseminar will focus on real life clinical examples and interventions for working with the blocks and stalemates couples experience around sexual intimacy.
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Sex on the Download
Presented by Dr. Joe Kort and Dr. Tammy Nelson
Parts 1 and 2
"Sex on the Download" is a reflection of our current culture of internet relationships where the growing societal influence of connecting in cyber relationships can create real time intimacy, but may also lead to compulsive sexual behaviors, porn addition and compulsive infidelity.
...AND MANY MORE!
Find more info and to PURCHASE:
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