New TELESEMINAR this Fall!
Part 3 on RETURN OF DESIRE; GETTING THE SEX YOU WANT
A Teleseminar for Health Professionals With Gina Ogden, PhD and Tammy Nelson, LPC
Starting October 2009 - Sign Up Now For a Discounted Price !!!!
Tammy Nelson and Gina Ogden combine their professional expertise in a series of practice-oriented teleseminars that offer comprehensive information about sexual desire, encourage questions among participants, and provide case consultation. AASECT, IMAGO and NASW CEs provided. All sessions meet by telephone from 12:00-1:00 pm.
Cost: $250 (save $50 by registering before September 9)
Oct 7: Couples and Sex Therapy
Oct 14: Religion, Medicine and Media
Oct 21: What Men Want, What Women Want, Who's On Top?
Nov 4:
Exorcising Sexual Anxiety and Fear; Reclaiming Intimacy
Nov 21: Lubes and Vibes-What Works?
Nov 11: The Art and Science of Tantra
to register go to www.tammynelson.org EVENTS page and BUY NOW |
People have affairs for different reasons. No matter what you read or see on television, there is never one explanation for infidelity. All people, men and women, gay or straight, are at risk for extramarital relationships. And there are as many different explanations for this behavior as there are experts in the field of love.
Anthropologists who study monogamy have some explanation about our biological predisposition to fidelity, comparing us to animals and to other cultures around the world. There are fascinating studies involving prarie voles and bonobo primates that you can red more about if you are interested. But psychotherapists and behaviorists see infidelity differently. And even among the many schools of thought in therapy training, there are different theories about WHY people cheat.
I have come up with about seven reasons that seem to encompass most of the prevailing ideas. First, there is opportunity. Studies show that most people, regardless of the relationship at home, find it hard to resist an opportunity to cheat. Sometimes that opportunity turns into a mistake that costs them their marriage. Sometimes that opportunity leads to real feelings and a new partnership. Two, the excitement of the forbidden, the dangerous, the illicit, gives a hidden sexual liaison an almost drug-like high. The adrenaline that the "users" experience makes the affair feel like an adventure, and the dopamine and oxytocin released from the sexual experience cement the high and make the "users" want to go back for more. Three, the serotonin released from being with the lover is not only a natural anti-depressant but creates an obsessive compulsive feeling in the brain, almost similar to being on cocaine. It is also similar to the feeling of being in love. Sometimes people confuse an affair with the emotional experience of real love because of the chemical brain bath that they experience in the beginning of the relationship. Four, an affair is an "exit." Whatever is going on in the primary partnership can be avoided by using the illicit relationship as a way to exit from intimacy. In other words, in order to avoid working on the marriage, the cheating partner uses an affair as a way to focus all of their energy outside of the relationship. This is the ultimate way to avoid conflict at home. However, it only sets up a new level of conflict within themselves. Five, an affair is a way to play out a "triangle." Triangles, from a psychological perspective, mean that someone is always left out. There is always a victim. Many times people that play out affairs have grown up in families where there were affairs. Either one of their parents had an affair, or their grandparents had an affair. This knowledge of their family's history can be a secret, and it can still be acted out unconsciously. Six, an affair can be a way to act out an addiction. A compulsion to repeat a behavior that we are not in control of and that we repeat, regardless of our desire to do so, is considered an addiction. If there are obsessive thoughts before the affair about how to find someone to meet to start the next relationship, then the behavior is more than a one time chance encounter.
And finally, number seven is that infidelity is genetically encoded in our DNA. We are predisposed to being nonmonogamous. In over 55 cultures worldwide it hs been shown that more than half of us (men and women alike) have cheated at some time in their marriage. Perhaps we are just not meant to live together for long periods of time.
PLEASE know that there is NO one reason that people cheat. If infidelity is effecting your life or someone you love, it can be painful and disruptive and you may be suffering. Getting professional help through this crisis is important - but find someone you trust and someone who understands that infidelity is not simple, just like people - it can be complicated and mean many things.
Sometimes it means your relationship has come to an end, but sometimes it means your relationship can be stronger than ever - with some work!
For more information on recognizing and dealing with affairs, feel free to contact [email protected] - For a full reference list of authors and experts that write and talk on these topics please write to [email protected] with a note saying - please send reference list for affairs and infidelity
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CALENDAR
TELESEMINAR (part 3):
RETURN OF DESIRE; GETTING THE SEX YOU WANT A Teleseminar for Health Professionals With Gina Ogden, PhD and Tammy Nelson, LPC
AASECT, Imago and NASW CEs provided.
October 7 2009: FREE Introduction, Sessions: October 14, 21, November 4, 21 and 11
See www.tammynelson.org to register now!
AFFAIRS AND INFIDELITY; RELATIONSHIPS IN CRISIS
GETTING THE SEX YOU WANT
May 27
North Haven CT
Training for Therapists
Contact
DandSassociates.net to
register
7 1/2 CEs available
Friday April 10, 2009
Improve the sex and intimacy in your relationship today! [email protected] 203-438-3007
September 12, 2009 - September 13, 2009
GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT WORKSHOP FOR COUPLES Two day Imago workshop for couples in Ridgefield CT
to register 203-438-3007
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Tammy Nelson quoted in GLAMOUR Magazine
"The Sex Secred Ive Never Told Anyone"
JUNE 2009
The article in the Men, Sex and Love section of the Relationship Report, called "The Sex Secred Ive Never Told Anyone," by Serena Kim in Glamour Magazine this month quotes Tammy Nelson, sex and relationship expert. In answer to questions that readers wrote in, Tammy gives advice to women with embarrassing and yet common sex questions. For example, on page 114 of the article in the June 09 edition, the question was:
When I read about exotic sex positions, I think, Oh, please. I just want him on top of me! - Hansoul, 24
Tammy was quoted:
There's nothing shameful about letting a guy take the lead in bed. Some women like being dominated since they assume so much responsibility at work or in other parts of a relationship, says sex therapist Tammy Nelson, author of Getting the Sex You Want: "Letting go can be just as empowering as taking charge." For a lot of women, missionary is the most pleasurable position.
(My Note, not in the article = did you know that the position will determine how and when you will achieve orgasm? Different positions work for different people, and sometimes at different times of the month, depending on sensitivity.)
Look for other sex experts in this article as well, including Dr Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, and statistics from a poll in Consumer Health Reports.
Creating partnerships for life....
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GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT
WORKSHOP FOR COUPLES
AS SEEN ON OPRAH!
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of relationship therapy innovated by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. Dr. Hendrix is the author of the Best Seller "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples." To read more about IMAGO Relationship Therapy go to http:www.imagorelationships.com
Tammy Nelson will lead couples through this breakthrough process of learning about each other and creating a new way to love. Tammy is a Certified Imago therapist, a Certified Imago Workshop Presenter, an Imago Advanced Clinician and the author of "Getting the Sex You Want" Coming Saturday & Sunday September 12 & 13, 2009
Deposit DUE by August 15- REGISTER TODAY!
workshop held in Ridgefield CT
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GETTING THE SEX YOU WANT; TRAINING FOR THERAPISTS in VIENNA AUSTRIA Using techniques in Tammy Nelson's book, Getting the Sex You Want, this Advanced Training is available for all couples, therapists and trainees
June 24-26 in Vienna, Austria One of the highlights of the 2007 Imago Congress was Tammy Nelson's workshop about sexuality and intimacy in relationships. Right after the congress we contacted her and invited her to give a workshop here in Vienna. It was such a success that we have invited her back again this year. We hope you will join us at Tammy Nelson's workshop here in Vienna! "Getting the Sex You Want" is NOW available translated into German! Wednesday, June 24 through Friday June 26 Therapiezentrum 8 - the TZ 8, Maria Treu Gasse 1, A-1080 Vienna. Three days: $ 390,-- (= see current exchange rate for €). For more info about presenter go to www.tammynelson.org Organized by Sabine and Roland B�sel The workshop will be held in English. There will be a German interpreter. Registration: Contact Roland and Sabine at [email protected] or [email protected] Reviews of Tammy's Workshops:
I found Tammy's session riveting! She was so relaxed that taboos melted and it suddenly became fine to talk freely and use words I am usually too inhibited to use. I learnt so much in just one afternoon, and it has brought fresh energy into our 30 year old marriage. Well done, Tammy, I'm looking forward to your teleclass now and to working with more confidence and depth with clients in the area of sexuality. - Sally Phalan, Enniskerry, Co.Wicklow, Ireland.
Finally a therapist who is interested in sexual problems not as a symptom but as a cause : our relationship is directly influenced by the quality of our sexuality. Instead of working on our relationship and on communication, hoping that our sexuality will get better, it's worthy to work on our sexuality so the relationship gets better. -Anne Robert, Psychologue sp�cialiste en psychoth�rapie FSP 1205 Gen�ve
Tammy Nelson was a fantastic teacher, blunt, to the point, knowledgeable, candid and a lot of fun. I would highly recommend this class to any one...
For more info go to www.tammynelson.org |
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