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Dr Lynn is the author of Sex For Grownups and a well-known expert in the field of sex after 50. We spoke to her recently:
(F) Current wisdom puts a perky face on how great sex is after menopause, but in many cases libido goes off a cliff for both sexes. What happens when a relationship falls into a sexless rut and what's the solution?
(D) Falling off the cliff without a safety net happens to many men as they enter what I call the Male-Men-O-Morph. Male hormones drop slowly, often without men realizing what's happening. Yet it's not uncommon for a men to continue measuring themselves against the hormone driven sexuality of their youth, creating such performance anxiety they stop even trying to use their natural equipment. Since men tend not to talk about their bedroom issues to anyone, they may think they are alone.
The brain is your most important sex organ. That's where desire begins. Remember Simon and Garfunkel's Feelin' Groovy? "Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the moment last?" The oldie but goodie finally makes sense. As hormone driven sexuality wanes, the opportunity for new sensuality gains. Start the process, and the goal just might happen by itself.
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(F) In your book there's a section on How to Be The Worlds Best Lover and you list Seven Things Women Wish Men Knew About Sex. Can you give us a few?
- Try new positions, be inventive. Tantric and Kundalini sex from the East are no longer way out and are becoming ever more popular. (Just ask Sting and Trudie).
- Location, location, location, Try new ones. While the kitchen table might be more than you aching back can take, a different room can often create some new sizzle.
- Start courting each other again. Make regular date nights. Get out of your bathrobes and sweats. Don't discuss children, mortgages or aging parents. Get to know each other all over again. The guy in the mirror is still as sexy as ever, just in a different way.
- Plan activities you can do together. Shared experiences enhance intimacy.
- Let foreplay begin in the morning. Sex starts long before bed. Say "I love you," touch your partner's hair as you pass her way. Loving gestures happen all day
- Most importantly, get to know each other again. This requires working on real communication and stopping the blame game.
- Remember your partner isn't a psychic. He or she rarely knows what you want or need unless you tell them. If talk is too hard, try touch.
READ MORE: The UnZipped Interview Continues Here:
Is there anything we can do beyond taking hormones that will bring back some of that sex drive?
If a woman is buying Sex For Grownups prior to Valentine's Day, where in the book should she start to line up a romantic sexy Valentine's day?
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