There's a children's story called
'We're
Going on a Bear Hunt' that describes a family
outing to find a bear. As they encounter each
obstacle along the way - be it long grass,
slimy mud, a deep river or a dark cave - the
group affirms that they can't go over it or
under it, only by going through it
will they succeed in their quest. And so it
proves.
The moral of the tale is a simple one, but no
less valuable for that. When you are going
through a challenging time of one kind or
another, it is tempting to look for a way
around the difficulty that is confronting
you, or, worse still, to find a way back to
how things were before they got messed up. 'I
just want my life to get back to normal' is a
fairly typical plea that I have encountered
many times in my consultation work.
The truly significant events of life teach
the painful lesson that there is no going
back on your life's journey. When you suffer
a great loss, for example, the change in your
life is
irrevocable, as is the growth in
consciousness that comes, hard-earned, by
going through the wilderness and
emerging, scarred but strengthened on the
other side. 'When you're going through
hell,' wrote Churchill, 'keep going'.
Paradoxically, a temporary regression, or
'going back' is a frequent and necessary
precursor to moving forwards. You can
observe this in young children, whose
behaviour may seem to have reverted to an
earlier version all of a sudden. It seems as
if they are gathering energy from 'back
there' somewhere, which, when it reaches a
certain peak, propels the youngster forwards
to the next level.
I have the feeling that the so-called
childhood diseases serve much the same
function, and they often usher in a
period of accelerated physical growth as well
as some corresponding psychological
development - provided they have been
successfully completed.
As adults we are also required to go back in
order to move forwards, and the word
'completion' is an important one to keep in
mind. We are all familiar with the concept of
'unfinished business', but how do we know
what it is we need to complete? The simple
answer is, the body knows, and it reveals
this knowing primarily through those
uncomfortable
feelings that refuse to go away.
We are often reluctant to re-visit the times
and places that were painful and traumatic for
us, and for good reason. Unfortunately, our
very avoidance of these painful memories
tends to have the effect of keeping them
alive in the psyche, in the same way that
deliberately avoiding a certain person in the
outer world causes them to take up a lot more
space in our inner world than they otherwise
would.
The poet Robert Frost wrote that 'the best
way out is always through', and I think
he's right. Certainly when it comes to
healing old wounds, often we just need to
stay with the painful feelings for long
enough, to really be fully present and to
go
through them rather than around them,
and the body-wisdom takes care of the rest.
Whether you'll find the bear you've been
looking for, and whether you'll like it when
you do find it, is another matter.
