Welcome to The Leading Edge, a bimonthly e-letter addressing some of the critical issues that matter most to leaders like you. In our last issue our interview focused on What Millennials Want and Need from the Workplace.

Our interview this month is with Leadership Development Services' senior associate, Lory Fischler. In addition to her many talents, she is also the designer of Negotiation: Achieving Win-Win Agreements.

TLE: Lory, we negotiate every day, even when we don't know it, isn't that true?

LAF:Yes, just think about all those times when we need to come to agreement on the allocation of resources, completion dates of projects, or accountability goals. At home we negotiate with workmen, car repairmen and children. The ability to negotiate agreements is a critical skill for everyone. Parents can say to children, "do it because I say so" and it sometimes works (but not always). When leaders use positional power to take a position, they may "win" short term, but invariably lose long term. A positional leader can make someone perform, but they lose out on productivity, enthusiasm, buy-in, energy and commitment. They spend more time cleaning up the mess created by backroom sabotage and disgruntled and disengaged employees. Learning to be a skilled negotiator and influencer saves time, aggravation and short circuits the problems I've described.

TLE: What kinds of the things can someone do to prepare for a negotiation?

LAF: First of all, know what you want as a result of the agreement. Determine what you absolutely need versus what you want. Stay the course on the "must haves," but show flexibility on desirables. Your movement will encourage movement on the other side. It is important to know where you can give. Once you have given something away, it's gone. You can't take it back.

Second, know what they (the other side) are likely to want. If you can give someone what they want, they are more likely to give you what you want. Since information is power, try to get that information in advance. Through conversation, questions and research, you can find out what you need to know. Don't make offers that have little or no value to the other side. You will have given something away, but it won't get you anywhere.

Third, think creatively. What are alternative ways to close the gap between your positions? In advance of the negotiation, think out of the box. It's much harder to be creative in the tension of the negotiation. What are some long term solutions or ways to combine or expand the pie to meet the needs of both parties?

Fourth, prepare your opening. Plan on how to break the ice and build the relationship. Strategize: build an "agenda" of items you are negotiating and identify where you want to start. If there are several items to deal with, begin with one that you can agree to most readily. If you are making an offer, plan your opening position, which should be reasonable stretch from your desired goal.

TLE: Many people fear conflict. Is this a good thing?

LAF: My advice is simple: don't fear conflict; expect it! During the negotiation, there will be disagreements and difficult conversation. If you agreed on every position you would have been shaking hands already. Expect some tension and when it happens don't be afraid. If you have done your homework you should have some sense of what their position or reaction will be.

TLE: Can you offer our readers some tips they can use during their negotiation to help them get to agreement?

LAF: Sure. I can think of eight right off the bat:

1. Start with common ground.
2. Agree with their statements when you can.
3. Rather than disagree, talk about differences (i.e. "I see it a little differently that you do" or "Here's another perspective").
4. If they tell you they have other (better) offers, ask about the offer rather than jump to match it.
5. Pause and think, rather than quickly react.
6. Watch your body language and facial expressions. You may be communicating unintended messages.
7. Clarify statements so you don't assume their meaning.
8. Summarize agreements along the way and write them down.

TLE: Do some negotiation behaviors work better than others ?

LAF: Listening is very important and so is asking questions (rather than making statements). Questions get answers; statements get resistance. No matter what, speak respectfully. Manage your emotions. Make eye-contact so you can gauge response. Always clarify your understanding and summarize your agreements.

TLE: Your negotiation course, Negotiation: Achieving Win-Win Agreements is used world-wide. What goes on in those three days and what do people walk away with as a result of their participation?

LAF: The course is divided into six modules. By the end of the three days, participants have had a chance to learn strategies, practice to build competency and confidence and share their results.