Here's a personal example of how faulty beliefs are formed and how they affected my adult life. When I was four I had my tonsils removed at the Montreal Children's Hospital. On Saturdays, the hospital invited parents to come at the same time to visit their kids. The staff sat us down in the chairs lining the walls of the corridor in front of the elevator. Again and again the elevator doors slid open and groups of parents surged out, spotted their kids and went with them into the common room at the end of the hall. After half an hour there was only a couple of us left in the hall and the elevators were not stopping at our floor anymore. As it became obvious that more parents would not be visiting, a kindly nurse noticed the other kid and me sitting alone and took us into the common room. What I saw was a room full of happy, smiling families of dads and mom's playing on the floor or reading stories. In the midst of all the laughter and excited talk I made the decision that I wasn't as good as the other kids, that I was fundamentally flawed in some way that I didn't understand. This is an understandable assumption for a four year old to make. The reason that it's arrived at doesn't alter the fact that it's also a false assumption. As I grew up, I quickly forgot about that episode but the faulty belief was locked deep in my mind.

How does something buried so deeply find expression again and again? Consider that if I believe that I am fundamentally flawed then any time I might be getting too close to success I will make bad decisions that will undercut that success. I choose failure to prove to myself repeatedly that I am flawed because it keeps me in a place that I am familiar with rather than facing an unknown future.

Here are some of the common ways that we keep ourselves in a comfort zone so that we continue to fall short of success.

-          Worry: I don't think that I'm going to succeed

-          Low self esteem: I'm flawed so I don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member.

-          Deflecting compliments: I was lucky that time

-          Self defeating: There's no way I'll succeed so I'm not even going to try

-          Projection: That guy cut me off because he doesn't respect me

-          Procrastination, lying to myself, breaking agreements, gossiping...

It is said that the results you get in life show what you are really committed to. Most people have a sense that there is unrealized potential in their lives.  Discovering who you really are will free you from your self imposed barriers to your success.

In the book "The Big Leap" Dr. Hendricks calls this the upper limits problem. He explains how to find your zone of genius to solve this problem. We call this awakening mindfulness. Here is a short summary of some of the qualities that people who are mindful demonstrate:

-          I accept 100% responsibility for what I do and say

-          I recognize when I am thinking from an ingrained faulty belief and choose to act from my true essence

-          I am sensitive to my feelings and can use them

to effectively  guide me to what is important to me

-          I can listen to others with complete attention

-          I act daily to realize my unique purpose in life  

-          I take action to build conscious relationships with others and to build a conscious loving relationship with my intimate partner

Albert Einstein said that "The significant problems we face cannot be solved with the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." If you want to be present to your feelings and to those of others so that you can make powerful decisions, if you want to free up the energy that you unconsciously use to undercut yourself and channel it into creating a life that expresses your genius and unique purpose in life, you can take action today.

This may seem like a bold statement. Already you may be thinking, "That's not possible." I can tell you that when you genuinely decide to make a commitment it is not only possible but easier than you might anticipate. I can say this because when Rukhshana and I were immersed for eight days learning and applying these ideas in the Foundation and Conscious Loving Courses that we took in California, we were able to establish closeness to the degree of total honesty, of being able to talk about, and in some cases resolve, the "let's-agree-to-disagree- topics" that inevitably arise between individuals in a couple that have been together for longer than a few years. As important, we have developed better mental focus that keeps us present and energized.

If you want to learn more or take action steps here are some good places to start:

Read "The Big Leap" by Dr. Gay Hendricks or watch the video where he introduces some of the key points in the book.