It's a scary world out there and the more you think about it, the worse it seems to be. What you focus on gets bigger.  Your mind makes no distinction between real problems and imagined ones, yet the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline occurs just the same. In the short term, the stress response can help you to perform better under pressure but when stress becomes chronic it will cause damage to your productivity, health, relationships and quality of life.

Here's the good news. When you focus on constructive stuff it gets bigger too. You can learn to choose what you focus on. Here are some things to think about if you want to choose peace of mind.

Watch brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor explain how the human brain works and describe her own stroke. Duration 18:41   

Watch Video "My Stroke of Insight" 

(Cicely Tyson)

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Something that's stressful to you may be enjoyable to someone else. What causes you stress depends on your perception.  For example, a commute to work through crowds or traffic may make you anxious about being late or stressed about all of the time taken while another person may enjoy the trip because it gives them some time to read on the bus or listen to music while they drive.

Every habit or action that you take begins with a thought and, as an adult, many of the underling thoughts that predicate your behavioral habits today are the same as the ones you've had for years. The adage 'set in their ways', expresses this sentiment. We often behave reflexively, without thinking of why we think what we think. This is an invitation to expose some of your assumptions.

Which situations on this list cause you stress?

1. That dent in my car ruined my day

2.  My life lacks any direction

3. There's never any time to do the things that I want

4. I feel tired all of the time

5. That person upsets me whenever they talk to me

6. It's hard to get people to listen to what I say

7. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to solve problems with others

Situations that cause problems that you experience fall into one of three categories. Examples 1- 4 above involve problems with our own behavior, (which only we can change). 5 - 7 involve problems you have with the behavior of others, (which we can change our reaction to). Situations that we can do nothing about, like the weather, constitute the third category.  The healthy response is to accept the things that we cannot change.

When you feel stressed a lot of the time you are reacting to the things that happen around you rather than creating a measured response. Reactive people believe "I have no control over my life. I am a victim". Their response to problems is upset and stress and a feeling that there's nothing they can do to change the situation. Their internal focus allows circumstances and other people to control how they think and feel. They will often not even attempt to make changes because they don't feel like there's much chance that they'll succeed. They give themselves permission to fail before they even try to make changes.

Most of us would prefer to be proactive. A proactive person believes that their values give them the power to make choices now and in the future. Their response to stress is appropriate and constructive. Their internal focus empowers them to manage what they think about, decide how they will relate to others and direct their use of time.

Here are some other beliefs of a proactive person. Each of these is the proactive counter-measure to the source of stress listed above and is derived from Steven Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

1. I believe that I am the product of my chosen responses. It's not what happens to me, but an inappropriate response to what happens to me that can hurt me.
2. I know what I believe in and am passionate about, and I will choose actions that reflect my values and work toward the goals that I choose
3. I will organize my time so that I accomplish my highest priorities in life
4. I will regularly renew myself physically, mentally, socially and spiritually
5. I will create win-win situations by using trust and effective communication skills
6. I will listen with sincere intent to fully understand others and then speak my truth so that it is understood
7. I will value the differences in others

There are no quick fixes. Albert Einstein said "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them". Until you can say "I am what I am today because of the choices that I made yesterday", you cannot say "I choose otherwise".  You are now living the life you have chosen for yourself. If you're not happy with that life then change it for one with purpose.

The means to make changes that empower your life do not lie in lists or in short articles like this. Consider this to be an invitation to become the proactive person described above by reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and working through the application exercises in the "Personal Workbook". The promise of these books is to acquaint you with your deepest values, to help you fully define yourself from within, to significantly increase your self confidence, and to fully live your purpose with exhilaration.  As a by-product of your effort, you'll also achieve peace of mind.

See the two inspirational videos "Two Wolves" and "The Shift" for more insight into self empowerment.

Link to the Steven Covey Website