Turning Over a New Leaf
 
A Publication of New Leaf Transition and Adventure Coaching

Whistling in the Dark

June 2011
Greetings!

Life can be risky business.  Our personal lives are impacted by forces out of our control, and yet each day, we get out of bed to do our best in the face of uncertainty. 

This month, I explore the idea of optimism.  A recent article in Time magazine shows that we're genetically and biologically hardwired to be optimists, believing that our futures will be bright despite our experiences of personal set-backs or grim statistics in the media.  Without this innate sense of optimism, we'd be living in a state of mild depression all the time. 

Here is my take on coping with uncertainty and choosing optimism instead of being paralyzed by the "what if's."

Taking one step at a time,
  
Jennifer
  
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy!" 
~ Dale Carnegie
 
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Whistling in the Dark writing by the lake

 

When I feel like things are getting a little messy or out of control, I automatically reach for a pad of paper and a pen, and I make a list. Like a wobbly toddler taking her first few steps and reaching for the nearest hand or leg for support, I cling to my list making to steady my steps.  

 

Now, lists aren't all bad. They help me remember to send information to a client, pay my bills on time, and get a birthday card for a friend. They're useful and practical reminders of what I want to get done in my daily life. My lists also become a blueprint for achieving my dearest hopes and dreams. Creating my coaching practice involved lots (lots!) of lists, all of which moved me closer and closer to my dream. With unbridled optimism, I made lists to create the future I imagined for myself, and took steps to help myself get there instead of expecting the Universe to simply lay my dream at my feet, all the work done by magic instead of simple hard work.

 

I can tell the difference, however, between lists I make to simply get things done and the lists I make when I grow restless, vague fears and anxieties nibbling at my peace of mind. Then, my lists become an attempt to create the illusion of having a handle on things. I never saw my lists as clinging to security and control until now, after a year and a half of regular meditation. I've become more skillful at observing what my mischievous, always-busy mind is up to, thanks to those hours of peace and quiet on the cushion, silent and spacious time in which to see clearly.

 

So while it's true that making plans and lists can be a way to soothe myself into feeling I have some measure of control over my life, I also see my list making as a profoundly hopeful and optimistic act. I am deeply aware that all the lists in the world can't prevent the unknown from leaping into play and tossing all of my hopes and dreams into the wind, blown far away and out of reach.  A sudden illness, a layoff, an unexpected break-up, a family member's crisis, an accident, a betrayal by a loved one  -  the reality is that any of these things can happen to us, at any time.

 

We know this is the reality of life, and yet, we can't live fully by sitting at home, bracing for impact and endlessly worrying our lives away. We can choose to be mistrustful and wary, closing our hearts and lives off from others so they can't mess up our sense of control. We can  choose to be filled with the uniquely painful regret that comes from letting our dreams stay in the Land of Maybe instead of wrestling them into reality.  But we don't have to. We can decide to not allow ourselves to be bullied by the thugs known as What Might Go Wrong, Bound to Fail, Don't Know How, or You Know Your Heart Will Get Broken.

 

 I would rather be an optimist and fiercely wave my lists and my plans in the face of the unknown, holding them aloft like torches to light the way as I whistle bravely in the dark. I hope to hear you whistling there, too.

~           ~          ~

Coaching Questions:

 

1)  Take some time to answer the question a well-known quote asks:  "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" 

 

2)  What habits, strategies or activities do you use to consciously, or unconsciously, create a sense of control in your life?  Do they work for you, or do you wish to choose new practices?  What would those be?

 

3)  How do you create and sustain your sense of optimism in the face of life's uncertainty? 

 

Copyright June 2011

Jennifer Wilson

New Leaf Coaching and Consulting LLC