If you could be with anyone right now who would it be and what would you be doing? George Clooney peeling you grapes? An aerobics class with Kylie? Allow me let me get even more specific - who would you like to be romantically enwrapped with now? Your soul partner, the anima to your animus; the Fred to your Wilma? 

 

The loved-up and smug among you need not look away now for we all need to continually learn the intricacies of the hand book of love in order to keep our hearts singing and beating to the mellifluous essence of life.

 

After all, Benecol may be good for a healthy ticker, but it doesn't give you foot massages, worry if you're late coming home and feed you mashed potato when you're in a blue funk. So it's important we look after our emotional cardio health too.

 

If there is one thing as a coach I wish I possessed (other than a Platinum Coutts card and a permanently flat tum - sigh!) is a magic wand to wave over my clients' broken hearts and to soothe their shredded psyches.

 

So often we yearn for a quick-fix way out of our pain, a simple solution to a problem that even MENSA would struggle with and sometimes life, in all its glorious messiness, just isn't like that.

 

The Unploughed Field of Love

For some reason, whether it's demographics, the sexual revolution or simply the ludicrous hours we work and travel each day, there are thousands of gorgeous and interesting people out there, unattached and looking for love, but finding it as easy to find as a contact lens in Sean Connery's chest hair.

 

Now, I'm no goddess of love, though I've had my moments (ahem), but I am beginning to understand some of the high ways and byways of the maze-like human condition thanks to years of coaching amazing people. So I have compiled my Lessons in Love - a mini manual for maintaining a happy heart and preventing the agony of a downturn in a love investment. Enjoy.

 

 

Lessons in Love - Love Tips for Boys and Girls

• We all worry far too much about what others think of us when in reality most people are thinking of their own issues. Better then to be yourself and seize the moment without regret.   As Janis Joplin once said "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got."
• If you have been hurt in the past it is hard to trust again. Lowering your defences may seem very scary but it will allow love in. Dare to be vulnerable. But first be sure you have learned from the Pain of the Past (or whatever name you call your ex!) so you leave those Louis Vuitton's of emotional baggage at home.
• Don't worry be happy. When we are at our happiest and most confident we are at our most attractive.
• A partner is the icing on the cake not THE cake. So how can you fill your life with things, occasions, friends and events you love and make you smile which makes you very attractive?
• Neediness is so not a good look. Stop waiting, start loving your life.
• Fools rush in. Sorry, this is for you ladies. Trust me; leave it as long as you can before you succumb to his/her amorous pursuits. Yearning and respect work ancient magic. Don't give away your "power" too readily to please.
• Decide on your deal breakers; what you are prepared to compromise on - whether you want children, your view on truth and fidelity, the fun factor, and your needs/values. Far more important than your mutual love of naked snowboarding.
• Do listen to what your friends or Mum say. They see things you're too love-blind to see.
• Beware commitment phobes. They will give you the runaround because they don't want responsibility but will keep you hanging on with some creative procrastination. Look at how they treated past partners for clues.
• Beware anyone who routinely says you are "stupid" or "useless" then adds "nobody will love you like I do" to keep you. Run! That's not love but abuse.
• If you are constantly ignoring things that make you feel uncomfortable or hoping to change the person eventually, you are being unrealistic and heading for heart ache.
• Can you be sure your intuition is right? If it has drastically let you down in the past you may need some coaching or counseling to see if you are attracted to the healthy and nurturing and not mistaking abuse or indifference as love.
• If you keep catching rotten fish, change the bait.
• Actions speak louder than words - have strong boundaries around being stood up by phone or by person, routine lateness or thoughtless behaviour.
• Remember you are 100% responsible for your own happiness.

Email me now caroleann@realcoachingco.com if you would like a 30 minute consultation on me to discuss how to make your heart lighter without counting calories (although I wouldn't rule out gyms!)

 

Here a little bittersweet film to send to someone you may be missing. Good luck.

Snow Patrol - You Could Be Happy (Animation)