Wit and Wisdom 77 - Don't want what she ordered

The newsletter that puts the glide back in your stride

Bless you for opening this 3 minute read. Welcome to my 9^th year of Wit and Wisdom newsletters. My aim is to make personal development fun and real, to raise a smile as you raise your potential and to give you that inner glow that comes with knowing you are in the at the right place, at the right time and in the coolest shoes.

"I love reading your Wit and Wisdom newsletter and I admire the way you write. You should write a book of them so I can feel this good all the time" - Virginie

Hi there!

You know how it is - you're sitting on the commute or in the office and in walks someone who is living your life - but only better. There they are slimmer, richer, happier, you groan. Just look at them - (your eyes flash green death rays) - probably haven't a care in the world with their perfect hair and Tippex teeth. You bet they walk on water while you run on alcohol - your eyes narrow.

Up goes the Metro News, you look away but like Kryptonite you are both repelled and attracted to their glowy good fortune. Your eyes dart back.

What must it be like to be them? Do they play backgammon in clean white re-conditioned lofts at the weekend with cool types who work in the media and who have made a fine art of growing goatees? While they sip chilled white wine and eat lychees from silver bowls you're resigned to comfort eating Monster Munch and Diet Coke on the hoof.

Is it Barcelona for them this weekend but Lidl for you? dancers

You sense a small growl forming at the back of your throat. In fact you are beginning to feel decidedly wretched by the second.

Now it's not just fair, let's face it. How can it be that some folk are gracefully waved through to the First Class Lounge in life while you feel you have bought a one way ticket to the "goat" crate with Ryanair doing the catering?

So they're playing Gwyneth Paltrow to your Kathy Burke and, scowling, you realise you at that moment in time, would make a good advert for the "before" photos in a Botox make-over advert.

Let's just stop right there. When we compare ourselves unfavorably to others we instantly diminish ourselves. We feel useless, less worthy, angry, insecure, disappointed and dismayed. We feel anxious that life hasn't delivered what we expected and who we are and what we have achieved seems worthless or futile.

comparing ourselves to our peers

All of us at some point or other compare ourselves to our peers, friends, relatives or colleagues. We can't help ourselves. But it is a dangerous habit that is likely to end in a negative outcome. Our thoughts create our feelings so wherever possible choose to reframe them so that you can see the positive or have generosity in your perspective.

Here are some little coaching tips to help yourself stop unraveling on the Piccadilly Line or turning green in Customer Services.

Remember you never see the full picture of other people's lives.
When you dwell on deficit or lack it gets bigger - what we focus on expands - and that works for the good stuff too
Stock take - make a permanent list of all your achievements, successes and skills and "own" them
Try and drop thought that there is something wrong with your life
Believe it when people compliment you - they are not lying or just being "nice"
See envy, jealousy or resentment as a call to arms. What can you do to get more of what you want? Start writing out what you feel is lacking and devise a plan to up your happiness and satisfaction levels.
It's not just alright for others to have fulfilled lives. It's more than OK for you to do so too. You don't have to resign yourself to misery.
Look for the positive in situations/people
Practice compassion, generosity and humanity - with yourself first - then others.
Make a list of what you are tolerating in your life from energy vampire friends and relatives to over-full cupboards and clothes that don't flatter. Aim to remedy the situation.
Have a free 30 minute telephone session with me - email me now caroleann@realcoachingco.com

looking at the positive